a serious question

Hello everyone,

I could use some good advice, I'm 4 months and one week NC.
Do I stop my thoughts of XN as they come to deprogram or do I allow them and go through the emotions? I have read conflicting things. I read Lisa E Scotts blog about processing your thoughts but other articles conflict. Saying to stop the thoughts and create new thoughts.
What's the best way to heal from this. I'm tired of hurting and crying.
Help please?