Self Respect

I lost myself too...I became reclusive, anxious. Became a former shell of myself. I understand being angry - but do not direct it at yourself...you don't deserve it. Direct it to the one who abused you - the narc. I was so distraught & devastated initially that I called him many times crying, yelling, & trying to understand. I gained back my self-respect & power when I went NC.

I too had a problem with this its like a drug. but i think im finally over it..idk everyday is different. You hope they will see the light but they dont..I ended up being a person I never thought i would become quiet, i guess i was on edge didnt enjoy being anywhere except with him when prior to that I had such joy in my life with my graddaughter. It gets me mad that these men can take this all away from you and hide you. I wish nothing but the worst karma in there lives..chin up ignore him and you will escape the clutches he has on you. I no easier said than done.

Try to reserve your anger for how he has treated you. You do not deserve to be the recipient of your own anger. It's natural to want to re-establish the bond with him, it's a human thing to want to do, to connect, but you know that no good can come of this particular connection. Be gentle with yourself, try to avoid piling on yourself with anger for these natural feelings. Have compassion for yourself Snowflake.

Take the "Fear Factor" approach. Think about what those people do for the end result. And we think they must be out of their minds, nothing in the world is reward for what they are about to do. Same with the narc, nothing in the world is worth, the (reward) punishment, that you would receive in the end. Stay strong, and know in your heart of hearts, that he is toxic, no good for you and there are no benefits to breaking NC, none what so ever. Your addiction to him, because that is all he is, will pass, in time and with great effort. Keep up the good work! You can do it!

Have you been NC for this time Hun? I'm so with you on it being hard..... since Thursday I've been itching to rip his head off! Woke up remembering something that I had actually forgotten about completely with everything else that was going on and I really , really wanted to rip in to him but my self respect is stopping me too! He took far too much of that from me before he sure as hell isn't taking anymore! You're not alone I know it's part of the process but it sucks :-( I'm 15 days NC and staying this way! I just keep coming back here everytime I get the urge to contact him and read it really does reality check us ! Xx

I have had times in my recovery process where I felt so crazy for having "allowed" this to happen to me. Then I would flip to being so darn angry and vengeful feeling toward the N AND the OW. I now know that all these processes are necessary to get through it. I do believe that there are times when you need to step back and just not thing about it and give your brain a break. I force myself out of the house and to the gym or coffee shop to read and chat with "normal" human beings. Sometimes it is forced, but in the end, it helps me immensely. Give your brain and your heart a break today. :)