Self-forgiveness

So support group call was wonderful last night. We discussed self-forgiveness which may be my hardest hurdle. Where do I start?

Healing from a Narcissist......not even sure it can be done. I kniow I will never be the same. I can only hope we come out the other side stronger, wiser, and more aware that these creatures are out there....everywhere! To experience one, fall in love with one and invest all of yourself in one is draining, exhausting, devastating and mind boggling. Self-forgiveness? I am not sure how to get there. Can I forgive myself for getting duped, fooled, manipulated, controlled and abused? I don't know. More importantly, can I forgive myself for involving my children even with all the Red Flags? I realize that this forgiveness must start with understanding of what I was up against. Educating myself, learning, reading, and studying this disorder....but is that enough to erase the memories, the hurt, the pain, the guilt, the shame? Do I need to forgive HIM first to be able to find it within myself to forgive me? Or does it start with forgiving myself? Loving myself? The myself I know I am or the self he projected on me? The self he lead me to believe WAS me and did become me? Does it start with realizing it was NOT my fault even though I was brainwashed for so long that it was my defects that caused the dysfunction? Self-forgiveness, where does one start?