Self Esteem / New Relationship.

9 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 26 - 9AM

whatever2009

Self Esteem / New Relationship.

We all have ups and downs in respect to our self esteem.

Im sure a big part of it is from the emotional rollercoaster we have been on. Other then antidepressents...does anyone have any tips as to little things they did to improve there self esteem and self worth. Is anyone on the road to recovery without medication?

also is anyone in a new healthy relationship?

Just wanted some help to see the light at the end of the tunnel.....

#2 Nov 26 - 9PM

Carolyn

I didn't take anything

I didn't take anything pharmaceutical wise as the anti-depressants have side effects. I was totally destroyed but kept it masked. I started a yoga class which really did a great job in calming my nervous system. I took vitamim b especially vitamin B 12, I studied a diet for stress and stopped coffee and other things that made the problem worse, I went to lectures at a nearby Unity Church which were about having positive thoughts, I changed cities, got a new job, made new friends and moved on. It took awhile but I did much better in the move and he did go down like a stone eventually losing his job, divorced twice etc. All of that helped a bit too. Time is the healer and what you do with your time during the healing process is the 'medicine'. You have been traumatized and it takes awhile to get over this. Stuart Widle's book "Weight Loss for the Mind", books on the Law of Attraction help. There is a lot of benefit in volunteer activities, also learning how to play bridge is very absorbing and keeps your mind busy. I joined a gym and swam every day plus yoga and excercise. It is hard but not impossible. if you are depressed you can buy St. John's Wort in the health food store and if you are anxious you can get valerian in the health food store. Spending your time sad will continue the problem you have to take hold of your thoughts, heal, and move on. Your new life is around the corner you just have to end this trauma and be ready for a good life.

#3 Nov 26 - 10AM

AnotherPath

I've been 2 years out and

I've been 2 years out and have not been in a relationship since. I have decided it would complicate things too much for me and I have to feel good about myself first before I meet anyone else. I've had a couple of short flings though ha ha!! knowing that's exactly what they are so no complications. I decided not to go on antidepressants, I've never been on them before, but I must say at points I was really close to doing this. I saw my friends and spoke to them a great deal on the phone, they got me through this and I really appreciate them. I had some of my girlfriends round for dinner, which I still do. Wrote a lot in my journal, read a lot and had baths. Is there anything that you can do that is new, like go to a class and learn French or something. You'd be with people who didn't know about your life and you can study at home when you need to occupy your head. My head now is usually in a good space. I say usually because if it doesn't involve the abuser then I'm doing really well. Take today for instance came home from the gym to a letter from my lawyer which abuser has written threatening to take me to court, wants me do to a hair strand test for drugs and says I'm an unfit mother. Was doing great then I have to read more of his abuse which doesn't do me any good. This site helps me a lot, I love the support here and the stuff written about these psycho's, especially from Barbara and cynthia....... it's so clear...... they are not human, lets remember,"oh yeah thanks for the reminder"

Ending the dance

#4 Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #7)

Amazed

Source of Self Esteem

I think self esteem comes from KNOWING you are an awesome, caring, competent person with gifts and ambitions all your own. Self esteem comes in the form of the ability to express and communicate these. When we are free of the N,,,do you feel like you are free to explore what intersts you? Develop this. If you are interested in relationships, what would excite you about getting started? Stick with it!! It will take perseverence, but follow your dreams. If you have no dreams of what you want, get some!! Explore what really makes you happy. Life would not make us dependent on the pathological N. Trust that life has more, and better in store for you!!! The pathological N may lurk for a while, surround yourself with STRONG people, whatever that is for you. Go to where they are, and be there, connect with them. Do not talk about the N when you are there. Talking about them at work, or in certain setting is still like contact! Process them out of your mind until you see them as totally impotent. Non-toxic. This goes against what they have TRAINED us to BELIEVE about them! Think outide the box, think outside of them. They are not a part of you. When you realize that,,and start to come to terms, you will begin to feel the joy, and the freedom, and delight in new more playful healthy relationships.

#5 Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

antidepressants

I am on a maintenance dose of Zoloft. They do NOT raise your self-esteem or self-confidence, sorry. As my late therapist said: "when you are at the end of your rope, they give you a little more rope." I am sooooo much better on them. My PSA (Persistent Sexual Arousal) went away after 4 weeks, my SUICIDAL depression was gone in 6 weeks, I am much calmer, more even and don't fly off the handle. They can really help us - don't forget the abuse changes your brain & brain chemistry... Be careful with herbs or natural remedies and use only with a doctor's advise, as you would any drug. if you're not in Therapy - get in & stay in ASAP ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

#6 Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #3)

Amazed

Barbara,, you had PSA??

I have never heard that term,,but wow,,,I hear ya there!! Persistant sexual arousal,,is that an aftermath of the N relationship? Did he do something to create this in you????? I have gone through something like this, that I think he purposely created and instilled in me.

#7 Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #4)

Barbara (not verified)

Amazed - yes I had PSA

Persistant sexual arousal,,is that an aftermath of the N relationship? Did he do something to create this in you????? Yes. He sure did. THEY ALL DO. If you read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS you'll find out about trance, hypnosis & mind control. Sex kick-starts the premature bonding process. The touching and sexual stimulation seals the love bond. The stimulation of the vagina and cervix during sex causes the release of the hormones prolactin and oxytocin. These hormones travel to the bonding centers of the brain and produce an emotional and hormonal attachment to the man. The importance of these hormones in female attachment is these are the exact hormones produced in pregnancy and nursing. They are responsible for a womanâ€™s ability to bond to babies! The more sex she has with the pathological, the more these attachment hormones are released, and the more bonded she feels to the pathological. This isnâ€™t merely the cuddling of love making. This is a biochemical process occurring in her body and brain increasing her sense of attachmentâ€¦but tragically, to a pathological! (who does NOT, we repeat NOT bond to her in any way at all!) These are the hormones of motherhood attachment. Just like motherly love is unconditional, a sexual bond is also unconditional. For her. She will tragically find out just what it will cost her to have this intense unconditional attachment and love bond to a pathological if she does not leave. While she is reeling in flattery, swimming in oxytocin, and snuggling up to his stories of their future lives togetherâ€¦ the pathological is purposefully solidifying his internal imprint in her by his use of trance and capitalizing on her suggestibility. The purpose of the honeymoon stage is to hoodwink her. In the pathologicalâ€™s arsenal to achieve this hooking and hoodwinking, is any person, place, thing, word, or behavior that will sell her on his illusion. SANDRA BROWN, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS I wrote about him and his manipulations here: http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com/2007/09/03/ywls-tools/ The whole story about him and NLP Mind Manipulation of me is here: http://cyberpathlinks.blogspot.com/2007/06/j-aka-gridney-aka-yidwithlid-aka-sammy.html BTW, police found THIS on his harddrive: http://www.secretsofsexualaddiction.com/ I still have Complex PTSD but I manage. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

#8 Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #5)

Amazed

Barbara, I understand, important to get some space from it,,,

Wow, the way you put it, it is like he purposely treated you this way to keep you attached, bonded, roped in, and not capable of leaving, like he wanted you there attached to him with a rope! That is not love, love is mutual satisfaction and exploration and expression,,and sounds like he did not provide this to you. It is sick to think that they go that far as to intoxicate you sexually (oh believe me I know) and to keep you dependent on them for this core. Unbeknown to the victim, the whole time, she is living the attachment, and nurturing and doing whatever it takes to seal the relationship. The sexual entrapment is intense. It is like you feel CONSTANTLY ARROUSED AND WANTING THEM..AT THE WORST AND IMPROPER TIMES. My exN would have me feeling possessed. Out of control. He was the one out of control. Do you feel he aroused you so intensely on purpose, as a constant control over you? Like so you would be always ready for him or something???

#9 Nov 26 - 11PM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

THEY ALL DO THAT!! ALL OF THEM

it is like he purposely treated you this way to keep you attached, bonded, roped in, and not capable of leaving, like he wanted you there attached to him with a rope! Um... Amazed - I have been TRYING to tell women over & over & over on this forum, as has Lisa and Sandra Brown, MA in their books - THEY ALL DO THIS. ALL OF THEM!!!!! ON PURPOSE!!!! They are PREDATORS!! we are OBJECTS to use and then toss away to them. Do you feel he aroused you so intensely on purpose, as a constant control over you? Like so you would be always ready for him or something??? Yes. He admitted to me once - said I was "ONLY ABOUT SEX" for him... later he apologized for saying it. Liar. Here's something he or one of his proxies posted on my blog about him recently... http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com/2007/04/16/does-he-fit-the-checklist-on-predators/#comment-1240 Check the responses too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

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