Seeing him for what he really is

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#1 Aug 3 - 1PM
Dawny
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Seeing him for what he really is

I am having a pretty fantastic day today considering how depressed I have been the past couple, and I have realized that I just need to make a list of all the things the stupid asshole did for me and the hundreds of things i did for him and ALL the things he did not do for me. This will make me feel alot better by seeing it in my face.
Me:
Opened up my home to him, evenoffering for him to even do his laundry over my place so that he didn't have to go to the laundry mat ( of course he NEVER DID)
Cooked him breakfast before we left for work in the morning, packed his lunches and cooked him meals...
On the days he had his kids I cooked him dinner to give to them so they ate actual good food. (I was NEVER there on the days he had his kids)
For his birthday I surprise him with a custom nfl jersey and got him 2 pairs of rediculously expensive game worn nfl socks ( he pointed them out on eBay that he wanted them, I surprised him and got them for him)
I won a package to go to a catch clinic with the Cleveland browns for him and his kids.
I used to surprise him with sexy outfits ALL the time!
I gave him sex EVERY NIGHT and every morning before we left for work.
I even put up with his ED even though I am tooooo young to deal with that shit.
I introduced him to my family, my daughter... My friends... My entire life. And even though they had a problem with how big of an age difference there was between him and I, I was still by his side and didn't care what they said.
I would plan EVERY SINGLE "date". I bought tickets to the baseball games.. I planned new
Fun places for us to go to eat. All I asked was for him to just come up with a date ALL by himself. Never happened. We never really went on a real true date.
For Christmas I showed up to his place and surprised him with a Christmas tree, decor for his apartment and blah blah blah since he didn't have any and I wanted it to feel like Christmas for his kids.
Helped him wrap their gifts
And got his kids little gifts as well.
So on and so forth.

Now... Let's see all the wonderful things he did for me:
For my birthday... We were at the mall and I saw all the cute nfl stuff they had at Victoria's secret so he said he would buy me a shirt and I could pick it out... That was an easy thoughtless gift.
Before christmas I tried leaving him, and of course this was the ONLY time I saw the man cry, and he showed up to my house with an ornament of my daughters initial and some iPhone docking speaker that I wanted. That was the ONLY time I was surprised by him.
On Christmas he bought me 2 charms for my pandora bracelet. Again, I told him what I wanted and I told him to pick out something that reminded him of me or reminded him of us... He picked my daughters initial again, and a butterfly for my grandfather that passed away. This was nice, however that didn't symbolize anything with us. So to me, another easy out.
He would buy my favorite alcohol before he came over sometimes. That's ALL he did was drink everyday. Not to the point of getting shit faced, but buzzed. I totally drank a hell of alot more when I was with him.
He would pay for dinner... Sometimes.

Now let's list all the horrible things he did to me...
He flipped out one time because my ex wanted to meet him since he was going to be around my daughter.... I said it was up to him i didn't care regardless. He flipped out saying that my ex was trying to fuck with him and that he's not trying to be her father and blah blah blah. I
Told him to go home, calm down, then come back over later or dinner. He ignored me for 24 hours. He said he would be over, but never answered till the next day. That was the first
Time he ever did that to me. I should have left him then. He went to his ex wife's house and helped fix a door. But he couldn't even text me to tell me? Fuck that.
Then he would NEVER be consistant. I had a lot
Of things going on in my life and I just wanted him to be there for me. He was super sweet one day... And then distant the next. He never really talked to me like I was his girlfriend. Only when he was horny.
He said I love you first to me.... And then I never heard it after that unless I said it first. I talked to him about it and I told him that I didn't need to hear it all the time but at least show me! He said "don't force me to tell you my feelings... When I feel like telling you I will tell you!"
He used to call me beautiful and tell me he missed me in the beginning... Then he started to just not say anything.
I never once met ANY of his friends. And I NEVER met his family. Except his kids. I didn't feel like I was an important part of his life. I felt like a secret, honestly, I probably was.
The ONLY time he expressed himself to me was sexually. That it.
There where times where I needed him the most... But he was drunk at a foot ball game and couldn't pick up or come over.
I was sick and couldn't even leave my house and I had to beg him to bring me over medicine. He had his kids that night... And that's what he used as an excuse. They are not young and they can stay home by themselves for a half hour.
He would always use the excuse that he has his kids and can do this or that, there was NEVER a balance between us. I want him to put his kids first no matter what, but
Sometimes I needed him too.
He was nothing but broken promises! He promised me that he would do so much for my house, but never ever did it. He had season tickets to football games and promised me that he would take me to a game... NEVER ONCE did he offer once the time came.

There are so many more things that I can name... But this is the gist. I felt like I was not important enough to him at all. But he completely used me. And I was the dumbass that let him do it. I am a young bright confident person but with him, I became some needy not confident person who did any and everything for some old man who did NOTHING for me. I am moving on... I have my rough days still. But now that I see it for what it is, I have no other choice then to move forward. He has his OW now who he claims he treats better then me. She is 10 years older then me... Has no kids. That's all I know. I don't know what she looks like or where they met and I don't want to know. I have had enough. I used to think that there is a chance that he was treating her better... But there's no way. He lost out on something amazing with me. I am an amazing catch, and I FINALLY know it now!
I

Aug 5 - 1PM
Emma
Emma's picture

The other womans not

Aug 5 - 7AM
Zamer1230
Zamer1230's picture

Omg!!! We're you seeing my

Aug 3 - 2PM
Journey
Journey's picture

It's good to write these

Journey on...