Sad PTSD Realization

From advice on these forums and in some articles I now know that PTSD can follow these relationships...and tonight I experienced such a sad moment.

I was traveling with a guy friend in some bad weather and thought we should stop and stay somewhere for the night and pick up in the morning. When I thought about asking him if we could stop driving, I immediately anticipated he would be upset. I was texting my friend and telling her I was sure he was going to be mad at me. When I made the suggestion we stop driving he calmly wanted to talk about it...and I freaked out. I said things like "I knew you were going to be mad", "I can just tell you're pissed", "its not my fault"...just completely went into 'fear of conflict' mode. I even started crying. I actually pictured my exN and all the awful road trips together with him screaming at me. I couldn't figure it out...why am I crying? Why am I thinking about my ex? Something is off. I'm not acting normal.

Then it hit me... I was terrified of arguing with my friend. I was so afraid of him being mad at me...and us having a nightmare car ride. I kept picturing my ex. I was reliving a rage.

I felt so awful. Not only for how I behaved towards my friend...but because I just then realized how abused I havebeen..to be so traumatized and triggered by something like asking my friend a simple question. I can't believe how deep the damage goes. Its so sad.

How could I have ever thought that was love?