sad...

This morning i feel really really blue.... I feel lonely. I have started again on the guilt path. Should I have reacted the way I did to the cowering. Should I have been more supportive.

the process of recovering is one step forward one back and I guess today I am having a back step.

I know that the things that were happening were wrong and abusive. I was posting on here from 2 months into the relationship with concerns.

I kept breaking the relationship off because of the rages and terrible behaviours.

I know it was right and that i have done the best thing for me and my future. I suppose I am sad that something that started which such promise and felt so important ended in such a messy and horrible way. I am sad that I put myself in a position that meant I had to throw the N out for about the fourth time cos I thought someone could change and behave differntly.

despite thinking that the Maya Angelou quote "when someone shows you who they are - believe them." is a great quote to live by I took no notice and carried on and on with someone who was really very sick and disordered.

Actually as I write this I realise its not sadness i feel its anger that I let myself do this again. This is not my first N but it WILL be my last.