the man was a PATHOLOGICAL
this is NOT a 'normal' breakup.
TWO WEEKS???? Should I mention it took me FOUR YEARS???
you may have some elements of PTSD
he ADDICTED you to him - so now you have to DETOX & DEPROGRAM - that takes time. TREMENDOUS time
Most people start feeling better about 18 months.
PLEASE SEEK THERAPY. Let me know if you need a referral.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
I just feel like I wasnt with him that long for it to be affecting me this way, I can barely get through the day at work...its bad
I would appreciate a referral.
I just want to know, to obsess over only 5 months when most on this blog have been in these relationships for years...what is going on here? I am typically a very strong, beautiful, fun, energetic, outgoing, loving women! And i am anything but that these past few weeks (pa..the..tic, and i know it), to the extent that I dont even want to look to my friends for help because they dont get it and just say move on (which im trying to do by the way)
I will be talking to a counselor, but I wanted to know is there a time limit of how long you are with a narcissist and the emotional impact. Thanks ladies
Maybe this will make you feel better...I was with my "soulmate" for only that long...really..it was only a couple of months the first time he broke it off, but then he came right back. By six months he was done, and I thought about committing suicide for the first time in my life. He kept me on the "friends" string for many months after that, and I really only asked for no contact in February. I admit to sending him a couple of emails in the last six months, which he completely ignored. I don't exist to him anymore. Anyway, in September it will have been 2 years since I met him and obviously I still have struggles dealing with it.
So I know what you are saying...how did this person turn my life upside down in such a short period of time? But the intensity of the experience is part of the formula. And part of what makes it SO HARD...because if they had felt any of what we had felt, well, they wouldn't be leaving us. I mean, who DECLARES that someone is his soulmate, that he's wanted all his life, and then says, well, gee, I just think of you as a friend. Oh,and I think I'll hit on one of your friends behind your back, too. ;-)
Anyway, you're not the only one.
These people GET IT about narcs & psychopaths. You can do this over the phone and its a LOT less than actual therapy.
http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/counseling-ctr/find-a-therapist
You can write me and tell me where you live: [email protected] and I will try to find you someone local in the meantime.
You should also see your doctor and ask for LOW DOSE antidepressants. It takes about 6 weeks for them to work and you may have to try a couple different ones but they will help you sleep & focus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
This is normal. Take all the time you need. Only you will know when you are ready.
Don't date for at least 18 months
educate yourself & read everything you can on Narcs
Get short term therapy (meds if necessary)
Stick around here.
but maintain NO CONTACT
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
I think when anything ends we all feel sad. He presented something to you that was special and touched a very personal part of you. Now you have to understand that he was a heartbreaker. that would make any normal woman sad.
give yourself a date, be sad until the magic day, then start to move out of the mood and into the rest of your life. Do something you have always wanted to do, talk to a kind man about your bad experience, I found men know a lot about male types who harm women emotionally.
think of your situation as someone throwing you into a deep hole and you have to build the ladder to climb out. You will climb out and be wiser. Good luck and may the rest of your life be filled with good people, fun, and happiness.
Feeling a little sad tonight and just wondering why. Why did it happen? I know there is no answer and to try and find one a waste of time. Just a statement from where my mind is at the moment, tomorrow I will be busy packing to go away and won't care. It's ironic though if something happened to make me sad I would think of him; now I don't think of him because it makes me sad.
I'm sorry to hear you are sad. Hopefully, you're feeling better today. It's ok to be sad. It's part of the grieving process. It allows us to move on. We must feel our feelings and not repress them. Be patient with yourself. It will take time to stop missing him, but you will get there and look back and be so happy you are out of such a toxic relationship. Please know we are here for you always. Big Hugs, Lisa
Hi Ladies, thank you for your comments and support. Does this ever go away? I go through feelings of being extremely bitter towards everyone...to anger...to feeling used, abused and hurt, to sad...I think my feelings run the gamut.
I havent heard from him in over two weeks, he will never call me again (he made that clear in our last conversation)...I am just trying to cope and I feel so emotionally raped. Its almost like I am in a prison with my emotions and I cant express how much ANGER i have inside towards this man that worked so hard to win my love?
How do we deal with such a painful emotion? i am in counseling, but it doesnt seem like anything will put a bandaid on my heart.
to come. I know there are days were you are so consumed with sadness that you dont want to get out of bed but tomorrow is another day. I know its trite and it doesnt do much for you now- but time does heal. Please hang in there.
My friends dont get it...they dont understand why this is so hard for me...and when I tell them of his disorder they dont believe me..They are like "I am sure he loved you" the only ones that get it are my parents
Its awful, to be in love...with someone who never loved you..
I'm sorry, it's very tough when you don't receive the validation you so desperately need from friends & family.
Unfortunately, unless they've been through similar, they just will NOT get it. I think of how much I knew about narcissism and emotional abuse previous to going through it with my ex. Hardly anything, really. I thought abuse was physical and verbal only. And I thought narcissists were self-absorbed people, which is true, but my thoughts on it didn't go much deeper.
It's great that at least you have your parents for support. Only a couple people know in my case, and even then, there is somewhat of a tendency to minimize it, which makes me just clam up. But generally, they are supportive, so better than nothing.
I think that it's very difficult for people to grasp the complexity of narcissism, and the effects on it's victims. It could be denial in a way...who wants to really know there are monsters who walk among us??
I think people try to be well meaning, but when we are not validated properly, it feels like more abuse coming at us. This is why I went to short term therapy, so I could 'spill my guts' to a psychologist who, for the most part understood. Even then, there were some things she didn't seem to be familiar with.
That's why Lisa's website has been a godsend to me, the support here is amazing.
same here . I have just tried to tell my good male friend what i have found out and as i was talking i knew i was sounding like a crazy ex girlfriend . He said all the right things but i could tell he thought i was looking to deep into things . All my friend said is he is young . i said no he isnt young he is 28 .I tried to tell him of things he has said but i couldnt put it in to words .
My mum gets it she hates him
I guess this is such a singular thing to go through there arnt many people that would get it .Im sure lots have women have come across men like these but didnt put a label on them , they would just call them jerks .
when i think of all the madness i have been through ... arrgggg .
It is an arrggg kind of day .
Jo x
Friends that haven't been through this with an N don't get it. They don't understand why you just can't write them off as a jerk and move on. The problem is they didn't always treat you like a jerk would, they got close to you and when things started going wrong I found I began working to get it back to where it was. I started reading all these relationship type guide blogs or books to see what "I" was doing wrong never thinking this guy is just a wacko.
The other problem is they don't always move on with their lives some pop in and out like mine. But I have been N free for over two weeks now and counting! I have to admit while away I did cry but only once. I was on the beach there were a few couples on the beach, it reminded me of how we would talk about Hawaii. He would send me photos through email or let me know if the travel channel was having a show about Hawaii. I cried because he played me for a fool and also because I felt so alone at that point.
Bittersweet
Even only after a 5 month Rendevous
Am I crazy
Maybe this will make you
Bittersweet - referral
Bittersweet
I think we something ends we
Sad tonight
Marie & Bittersweet - Sad
Its Been Over Two Weeks
Better days....
Another thing too
bittersweet
same here . I have just
Friends