Rough day

The thoughts are coming beyond control today. About half way through the 8 years of on again off again nightmare, the N's adult son was killed in a car accident. Today would have been his birthday. I've fought all day not to text her and make sure she's ok. I have been doing fairly well with the recovery. I've been working through a recovery workbook that suggests certain writing assignments. I think it's working. I just don't know how to control these thoughts today. I've tried to stay mentally busy, as much as possible when you're on the road all day with nothing but time to think. I know I can not let this cause me to break nc. I was pretty close with him also so its just a double whammy today.