In Retrospect...

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#1 Dec 22 - 5PM
Scott B.
Scott B.'s picture

In Retrospect...

Amazing the amount of perspective you get after a few weeks of NC. At least I think I have found quite a bit lately.

When I was involved with someone I now believe to be a Narcissist, I spend my time rationalizing her behavior as not out of the ordinary. For instance, for a year I paid every meal check, every movie ticket, every present, every expenditure. I rationalized this as not being out of the ordinary, because she often offered to pay and even told me that I shouldn't keep buying her things. But I did, and I think I did because of how she was able to manipulate me. Sort of like the guy who always offers to pick up the dinner check for the group so nobody sees him as being a cheapskate, although he never actually winds up paying for anything. The fact is, he's figured out a way to appear generous, without ever having to actually be anything of the kind. It's a clever bit of manipulation and some obviously have perfected it.

I spent many weeks wondering if I was being used. After all, she offered to pay, at least her half and told me that I shouldn't buy her things. But she never truly insisted on paying by short stopping the waiter, grabbing the check from my grasp, refusing to accept a gift, nor bought me much of anything in return, of course I didn't ask her to (there I go with the rationalizing again). I read recently that one often overlooked aspect of a narcissist is that when they do buy you a gift, it's generally a pretty "crappy" gift. I got a bottle of cheap wine, once. And a calendar more recently, which I'm pretty sure she picked up for free. That was it.

Bottom line - if you think you're being used, you most likely are.

Feb 13 - 11AM
NicoleLoyola's picture

I too can look back and see

Dec 29 - 2PM
Hunter's picture

Ding Ding Ding Hunter

Feb 13 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
Scott B.
Scott B.'s picture

While I don't take pleasure

Mar 2 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Scott B.
Scott B.'s picture

And as it turns out, she

Mar 10 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Alisa's picture

After the narc and I broke