Request for Light

Hello special women.

One of my dear friends lost her husband this morning to a serious illness. Of course I will be there for her and attend the service. This was my first thought this a.m. when I received the news.

As the morning progressed, so did my anxiety.

This is my situation. The xnarc was good friends with my friends husband, the deceased. He also slept with my friend (seem's like sleeping with his best friends wives was a favorite sport of xnarc.) Anyway, it's been over 7 months NC for me, xnarc has driven by my work a couple of times lately and recently unblocked me from fb. My therapist has warned me he may be getting ready to 'come around' and I should prepare myself. This service seems like a prime opportunity for Xnarc to gain supply...it's a neutral place and he will justify being there to show "his respect" for his friend who has passed.

My fear is he WILL show up at the memorial service and I DO NOT WANT TO SEE HIM.

In preparation I went for a run this morning to try to rid myself of the anxiety, clear my head, and pump myself up. I am genuinely frightened and trying desparately to calm my fears. I am going with another friend who knows about my trauma and this provides me strength and courage.

I know where the exit's are at this funeral home and will politely, calmly and quickly excuse myself if he does show. I took the advice of my therapist and played it all out in my head should I see him there. I can not let this fear of seeing him keep me from being there for my friend at HER time of need. Her pain is far greater and she needs all the support she can get. I refuse to give in to my fear.

Please, I am requesting your support in sending me light and strength through your thoughts and just pray xnarc will not show. Thank you all so very much.

I sincerely appreciate it.

-fefe