Remembering the Person(a) they played for us

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#1 Sep 5 - 2PM
neverlookback
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Remembering the Person(a) they played for us

I want this post to be an exercise - an exercise of awareness! Lets think back to what he once was to us and how he/she behaved; I remember EVERY SINGLE MOMENT!!! I remember every kind word, every promise, and every single moment of tenderness (there werent many) but my mind is clear as a bell when I pull up my memory.

What prompted this post was an old pay phone (its now torn down) that I would frequent when we talked to each other during the first couple months on my calling card. I even remember the conversations in such detail; the excitement, anticipation of the dream that was coming true for me.

Now, where ever you are at today look at what it once was and what it evolved to and ask yourself how this happened. Let me give you a few clues to help you along; its didnt happen because you changed, the relationship didnt turn to torture and hell because of anything you lacked, and they most certainly didnt start devaluing you because you all of a sudden changed into a lesser person (well in their eyes you did) there was not a damn thing you did that warranted being turned into an object to be discarded. NOTHING - This all revolved and occurred because of who and what he is.

Lets explore the authenticity of the idealization days further; IF how they viewed us in the end was based on LIES and projecting - just how much merit and belief are you going to base the idealization days? Were you sexy, beautiful, smart and wonderful? Were you at one time their "match" they had finally found? Were you the ONLY person that seemed to understand them? were you the one they were destined to be with? I believe my early days were not an illusion but just direct and outward plain LIES!!!! I thought I was the top dog for the first few months, boy i had finally found someone who FINALLY could see all that I was - I was just PERFECT in the his eyes - and he was PERFECT in my eyes - we were a perfect match!!

But trouble in paradise soon started to emerge - I was going along so happy - everyday seemed to have a rainbow - even the rainy days looked beautiful to me and he drops the first bomb that sets off the RED FLAGS. What do you mean I am a "HOT PIECE OF ASS"? I am not particularly fond of that reference but I will let it slide for now.... and why did you ask me if "I like to swap partners"? another red flag - did you just pull this question out of your ass or what's the deal here?

In your personal struggles of accepting the truth of what he is please take a moment to REALLY remember what he/she once was and what he/she is NOW? I am sorry but what he once was was RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!! ( in my personal opinion) are you still mourning what yours once was? Having problems with NC remembering what he once was? or what he once said to you? Those good ol days are not only long gone but there are NO GENUINE good days with a psychopath - they were all LIES by a method actor, which today sort of gives me the heebie geebies.

Yes, I remember too well the persona this DEAD PSYCHOPATH once played for me and it doesnt hurt anymore - its rather laughable, and ridiculous - an act performed by a complete and total perverted moron. So angry this performance captivated too many years of my life, but the curtain is down on him forever.

Sep 6 - 6AM
lookingahead
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Full of shit!

Sep 6 - 2PM (Reply to #46)
evergreen
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Bus Stop.

Sep 6 - 3PM (Reply to #47)
neverlookback
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ha ha

Sep 6 - 4AM
Froglegs
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Ridiculous x infinity

Sep 5 - 6PM
Jareth
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Oh that honeymoon phase

Sep 6 - 2AM (Reply to #43)
Lovely1
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You are not - checkI want to

Sep 5 - 6PM (Reply to #15)
Radiolady
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That phase was pretty intense

Sep 6 - 3AM (Reply to #17)
Sickofhim
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That "dumping".....

Sep 6 - 8AM (Reply to #18)
Radiolady
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That "dumping"

Sep 6 - 11AM (Reply to #19)
Sickofhim
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I so get that!!!

Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #35)
cassia
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Sickofhim:

Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #37)
Sickofhim
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It's the fight that we fight

Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #38)
Radiolady
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Its the fight

Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #39)
GracefullyFree
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RL Sanity Checks

Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #40)
Radiolady
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WHAT?

Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #41)
Sickofhim
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LMAO

Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #42)
Radiolady
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LMAO

Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #36)
Radiolady
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Cassia

Sep 6 - 12PM (Reply to #20)
Radiolady
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I so get that!!!

Sep 6 - 12PM (Reply to #21)
Sickofhim
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Radiolady....

Sep 6 - 12PM (Reply to #22)
Radiolady
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Sickofhim

Sep 6 - 1PM (Reply to #23)
Sickofhim
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"hell cubed"

Sep 6 - 2PM (Reply to #24)
Radiolady
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"hell cubed"

Sep 6 - 3PM (Reply to #25)
Sickofhim
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Define "stalled out"

Sep 6 - 3PM (Reply to #34)
Radiolady
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Stalled Out Part Deux

Sep 6 - 3PM (Reply to #26)
Radiolady
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Stalled Out

Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #29)
Sickofhim
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Sounds like trauma to me...

Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #30)
Radiolady
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Trauma

Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #31)
Sickofhim
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More turbo fire, more social

Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #32)
Radiolady
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More Turbo Fire