Relationship saving,,all we put up with

after cheating on his live it with me,,then asked me if I would do a threesome,, Did your XN have a live in GF also? I wasnt aware he asked you also to do a threesome? Did he want to do this threesome with his GF and you like mine did? Do you feel looking back at your relationship that that was one of his objectives, only to use you for such purposes? Mine hid his agenda very well of course pretending he loved me, that I was the "ONE" but it always came back to wanting me to have sex with him and other couples, and others, while he watched and/or joined in. We thought these were endearing qualities,,right? What he first appeared to as was endearing and I know now why even after knowing what he wanted why I hung in there sooo long, I wanted just one more glimpse of that pretend man, I was the one who kept up the fantasy and illusion that he was everything I wanted, I just couldnt bring myself to believe this man was nothing but a predator, I didnt want to believe it. THe longer I kept up that illusion in my mind the more I damaged myself. These disordered men can easily participate in group sex because they feel NOTHING, they have no special bonding to anyone, they can just stick it in one woman after the other and the next and the next and the next, its all the same to them. I thank God above that I AM jealous, and it would hurt me emotionally to witness such an act because that means I am NORMAL, it also means what I have suffered in the aftermath is also NORMAL and that I am capable of having a healthy meaningful relationship and that does not include threesomes!!

Who cares really. Even if they WANTED to change, and "try to make it work"...could you or would you be able to EVER trust him again? I have always been a "caretaker"...growing up I took care of my alcoholic mom, my brother and sister, while my dad was at work, or ran away for a "break". So my life consisted of trying soooo hard to make my mom "normal". This is also what I wanted to do with my exN. I believed there was potential in him, at times he wanted it (or I thought he did)...I put MY time and energy into him. While he sat back and did whatever he wanted when he wanted. I gave it my all ... 100%, only to be burned time and time again. We kept going back for comfort (use to the situtation)...we went back because they convinced us they wanted to change. We went back because we also did not want to admit defeat. For myself I wanted to prove HIM wrong...and everyone who warned me. I wanted to be the one that made him see how good life could be. It took a couple years, but now I see what a waste that was. He will never be better....NEVER. The thing we can take away from this is that, we will never allow this sort of hurt again. We all learned things about ourselves and will go on to make positive changes and lead meaningful lives. These guys wont. And for me....thats sad. Im so angry and will be for a very long time, but at least I can feel. Hang in there...we can do this together!!!!!! This song describes how I feel...the lyrics are bang on. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cCsbVhqH0o

The have an endearing side. they have great appeal at some level to women. Maybe some women like to fix men and these men will say or do whatever you want to keep the game going. To them it is a game and, when they get bored, they will leave the game whenever they want. the flip side of their endearing side is their abusive side. when the victim, in their game, gets too independent or is setting some of the rules they will turn on them and be very abusive to get them back under their control. The devaluing is all about punishment for breaking their rules. The victim has no clue what the rules are and enters into a state of harmony, then abuse and devaluation, and it just continues round and round until the victim gets out of the game for survivial. they don't seem to be physically affected by their anger and negative emotions. They create such chaos in the lives of the people around them that everybody leaves eventually. Then from what I have observed they blow themselves up.

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/02/are-narcissists-unable-to-control.html ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website