Regression

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#1 Apr 14 - 7AM
exhausted
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Regression

Hi everyone!

I feel so stupid posting this because everything I've had to say lately has been all positive. I have come a far way in a short period of time. I am much happier not to be involved with him anymore. I know not being with him is the right thing for me and that it never would have worked out between us. I am not going to contact him or give in when he contacts me.

With that being said, why do I miss him so damn much? I have been thinking about him nonstop for the past 2 days. I have shut my new (amazing) boyfriend out. i can't stop telling myself that I love him. This hit me from out of nowhere. I was doing fine and wasn't missing him. Now I think I am starting to want him again. I'm so angry that he doesnt try to get me back. He talks to me occasionally and then gives up instantly when I don't give him a reaction.

Has this happened to anyone else? I was doing great! I started running everyday again, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning my apartment, and I even got a boyfriend. I MOVED ON!!!! I don't get it. If I moved on why did I all of a sudden regress? He is going to be here in about 10 minutes and it's all I can think about. Ugggggh!! What's wrong with me.

Please Help!

Apr 15 - 7AM
exhausted
exhausted's picture

Thank you everyone for your

Thank you everyone for your comments. I think everyone is right. I may have jumped into the new relationship too fast. It was nice at first because it was getting my mind off of narc and maybe it was false hope that I am no longer in love with the narc. I am definitely over the hurt and the crying. However i think I may still love him, or the idea of him Lesson learned here: Focus on yourself first. Give yourself solid "happy" time until you invite someone else into your new life. Uggggh, I don't know what I am going to do with new boy now.
Apr 15 - 3AM
dudette
dudette's picture

Like self-sabotage

I feel exactly the same and today is a typical example.... Nice day yesterday with friends, the pain was bearable and I nearly completly forgot all about of for a few hours.... last night I went to bed and dreamt of him....of course I just did not want to get up again this morning.... It's Like a battle of me against....me.....one of us has got to lose but which one? 5 months NC now.... doingexercises, having therapy, my rational head knows exactly where it's at.... I should no longer feel like this and I hate it.....
Apr 14 - 6PM
agitating prop
agitating prop's picture

It's perfectly understandable

You miss him so much because these guys are the crack cocaine of boyfriend pharmacology. God, who wouldn't miss that? 5 minutes with one of these creeps, and we're flooded with so much endorphin, common sense drowns! I think of my creep as a drug that I've pretty much weened myself off of. For heaven's sakes, don't get down on yourself for a biological reality. When you think about him, imagine a needle stuck in your arm, one YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR.
Apr 14 - 7PM (Reply to #13)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

agitating prop

I like that - the crack cocaine of boyfriend pharmacology! That is great!
Apr 14 - 1PM
Steph
Steph's picture

Nothing is wrong with you. I

Nothing is wrong with you. I actually just wrote a post about not being hard ourselves,for taking a few steps back. Healing is not linear. You can move back and forth between stages several times before you get to the final stage and stay there. It's normal, what you are feeling. VERY normal.
Apr 14 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
Steph
Steph's picture

and ps. don't ever feel

and ps. don't ever feel stupid for posting your thoughts here. EVER. You are being honest with yourself and your feelings and that is NOTHING to be ashamed of. It's healthy.
Apr 14 - 8AM
fear for my sanity
fear for my sanity's picture

It is all a trick!

He will give you little crumbs of attention, which you have wisely refused so far, but it's all a game to try and suck you back in. There are only 2 outcomes for this: 1) you respond and you get drawn back into a relationship so that he can use and abuse you all over again, or 2) you respond and he shuts YOU off to get his revenge for you not talking to him before. Remember, it's all about power and control with him, it has absolutely nothing to do with love. Good luck and don't beat yourself up.
Apr 14 - 7AM
momoya
momoya's picture

that's love

It's because we fell in love with them, and it going to take a good while to fall out of it completely. You have gained the perspective you needed to see this relationship clearly and it sounds like you are in another reltionship for the companionship, because if you were in love at this time you would not be pining over the N again. We really fall hard for these guys! its okay that you are having flash backs. My N is still sticking with me, but I am a much better place. Just yesterday walking my dog after work he was with us on the walk. I swear I just carry him around still. I think about him still. I know this will go away and dissipate completely one day. I don't resist it anymore. I just accept the thoughts and feelings when they come as a necessary part of this process. all the best ))hugs((

momoya

Apr 14 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Ex

Hi, You've been doing great! You loved him so you miss that! It's the head Vs the heart! It will pass. Just keep doing what you're doing! It just takes time! Idealk
Apr 14 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
exhausted
exhausted's picture

I know you're right. At

I know you're right. At first he was in my heart and out of my head. Now I think it's the other way around. I don't know. I guess all it's going to take is time. What frustrates me is that I know he's an asshole and I can't be with him even if I had the chance. So if I know all of this why can't I just get over it? I'm so mad at myself for it. I know it will go away. Thanks!
Apr 14 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Ex

When you find the answer or that magic pill let me know. Idealk
Apr 14 - 7AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

exhausted

The thoughts of them coming and going is perfectly normal, I am 2 years out and that still happens to me. Just an observation, sounds to me like you are dating way too soon, you have not recovered enough to have a new boyfriend, how long have you been N C with the narc?
Apr 14 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
exhausted
exhausted's picture

I've been NC since some time

I've been NC since some time in January. We work together so I've never been total NC. I havent given him any attention since January is a better way to put it. I tried dating this guy then and clearly I wasnt ready. So we took a break until I was ready. I waited until I started to get my life back together and I called him and we've been together since. That was about 3 weeks ago. i don't think it's too soon. I think this guy is just way to nice to me and I am not used to it. So since I don't know how to deal with him I push him away so I can be alone. Its hard.
Apr 14 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Exhausted

with all due respect, we are in April, just a few months after January, I still think you need to spend more time with YOURSELF and do more inner healing, and revisit a relationship later, sorry but my thoughts based on what you say...and working with the N makes it all the MORE difficult to move on since you still see him, it is much harder.You said you push the boyfriend away 'because you need to be alone' you said it.
Apr 14 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
JLMNY1
JLMNY1's picture

This has been my regression

This has been my regression week too. I was doing so good since I moved out of his apartment at the end of Feb. I haven't cried once about him since I left, and the only emotions I felt was anger. Until this week, and I've regressed into what I was feeling two months ago. Mainly I just miss him. Or, I miss what I thought I had with him. I know it'll go away in time, since we don't live in the same town and I'm NC. But it's still a process.