1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. Regaining Self Esteem and Trusting Again

Regaining Self Esteem and Trusting Again

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Apr 25 - 7PM
kevsmart
kevsmart's picture

Regaining Self Esteem and Trusting Again

I never had the best self esteem, but before I met my ex, I felt pretty good about myself.

My ex tore me down to nothing. My lack of self esteem at this point is paralyzing... How do we rebuild ourselves after this abuse?

Also, how do we learn to trust again? I always had difficulty trusting people, especially guys. My two best male friends dropped me as soon as I came out to them, so I have had a large mistrust of getting close to other guys (Of course my ex used this information to his advantage promising me he would never be like those guys and would ALWAYS be there for me...)

Will we ever be able to have a real, healthy relationship that will help put this nightmare to rest once and for all?

I feel completely damaged and hopeless because of this (and after 4 years without my ex...still love him and can't imagine feeling that way about anyone else.

HELP!!!!

Apr 25 - 9PM
Steph
Steph's picture

I'm sorry for what you are

I'm sorry for what you are feeling now. He tore you down to nothing, as you say, and rebuilding your self esteem after that is a long process. No contact is the first step....along with therapy! After you detox from the brainwashing, things become a bit more clear. That's the first step. For me, I started doing things for ME. I started classes to boost my confidence, trying things that I never had done before. Other things that have worked for me is having a gratitude journal. Writing down things that I am grateful for....people, things etc. Also, the power of thoughts is a big one for me. If I have a negative thought....I can choose to dwell on it.....or I can say stop....and make a concious effort to redirect my thoughts to more positive ones. Sounds hokey pokey maybe...but it worked for me! lol What each of us finds that works for us will be different for everyone. Whatever works though. No right or wrong as long as you are making progress. I don't know how far you are in your recovery, but be patient with yourself. Rebuilding after abuse is a long journey. As far as trust goes.....that will come with time. For me....I had to relearn to trust MYSELF and MY judgements....before I could trust anyone else again.....I'm almost at 18 months recovery.....and I am just now learning to trust people again. Hang in there and keep asking and writing. That's a really positive step! xoxo
Apr 25 - 8PM
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

Interesting question

Just finished two months post break-up. Well, let's see...right after the breakup, I was in state of depression and denial. I licked my wounds, then got up and started working out at the gym to get strong and fit. I've been reading everything like crazy I can get my hands on to understand narcissism. I began to realize it wasn't my fault and that I had done nothing wrong. I think you have to learn to be good to yourself...say things to yourself like "I deserve to be happy! I am a good person! I like myself I am worthy and valuable." Pray maybe, do meditation exercises to to clear and still your mind. Take care of yourself with proper rest, nutrition and exercise. And give it all time. Determine not to be a quitter or victim even if you do have plenty of reason to think so. Don't take on blame for the actions of others. I can tell you when I was diagnosed with cancer last year, I refused to see myself as a victim - I just determined to do whatever it took to get well and find the best medical team I could to treat me. I blew through cancer treatment from the time of finding a tumor to recovery from surgery in three months and am expected to remain cancer free the rest of my life. I have always educated myself on whatever problem or situation I was dealing with at the time. It seems to give me strength and endurance. You can heal the damaged parts I believe if that is your desire. Its not easy but it can be done.