Redemption

Hi all its me...its been a long long time since I have posted.

I have maintained N/C since September 2010...minus his hoovering techniques before the holidays.

It has been a long road. This site has helped me more than you could ever understand.

I am writing because I remember when I was so lost and so deeply in shock. The explaination of a Gaslighter is what brought me here. I found an exact expalination of what I was feeling and too many women who had been to hell and back....yet the shock prevented me from fully absorbing the exact outrage I should have felt. It has taken me a long time to fully accept that this happened to me.

It happened. I am still here. To anyone who is hurting I am sending hugs and the knowledge that with the support here you will get through.

I have bad days. But for the most part I am doing considerably well. I know I need more time. I know I have onyl scratched the surface of my scars.

I have been dancing and working out regularly. I still suffer from the nightmares but it is getting better. ( thats the ol PTSD)

All I am trying to say is you will make it. I was so far down lierally comatose.... and here I am.

I am working on me. Who would have thought a laugh could feel so unfamiliar??...and so warm. I AM LAUGHING.( I never thought I would write those words again) I AM DANCING and I am doing things I want to do. I no longer live to serve the NARC and his needs. THE ONLY ROLLERCOASTER I AM ON IS THE ONE I PAY FOR AT THE AMUSEMENT PARK. I wear what I want, talk to who I want and don't feel like a piece of crap everyday of my life. Turns out I can hold my own. No one in my life right now makes me feel worthless. Why?..... because I am not. I was not nothing...that's just how he viewed me. More often I feel blessed that I am away from him and more often I realize what a horrible life I would have had if I had accepted the lies and mistreatment.

Find that one thing that you were prevented from while with the Narc and run to it. Dance your butt off, run, laugh, sing. When you are ready run to it. Be kind to yourself. Dont forget that...we all forget sometimes or else we would put up with this crap to begin with...In this awful time DO NOT FORGET KINDNESS TO YOU.

Think of every tear YOU shed for this man (NARC) I want you to be as good to yourself as the amount of tears you have cried.

YOU loved, YOU fought, YOU tried, YOU gave....The narc is a selfish being..incapable of ever knwoing what anyone else deserves. WE ALL DESERVE LOVE and a really DEEP BELLIED LAUGH in our lives.

Dark is the way...light is the path..

Love and light to you all. I am thinking of you and your struggle. Everything is going to be all right...I promise...maybe not right now ( i know this part blows)even though you wish it were but soon....

hang in there sweet ladies !

True2Truth