The Red Flags for Me

Ah, hindsight is 20/20.

Detachment. That was the reddest flag of all. He would be home physically but not mentally or emotionally. Family life would whir about him, and he was somewhere else in his twisted little mind. Always reading books, constantly reading and when not reading running errands,solo, or off riding his bike, solo, or watching football solo.

Friendless. Throughout our marriage he had no friends. When we would invite other families for get-togethers, often times the husbands would not accompany their wives and the narc would be offended.

Lack of empathy. He claimed it was not his strong-suit. I claimed empathy is part of what makes us human. But narcs are not human. He could not comfort us when we were sick or sad. He showed no emotions at funerals. A cold soulless stone.

Robotic. He is robotic in his movements. Obsessively drinking certain drinks, at certain hours, goes through the motions, rigid, no spontaneity.

Lying. They start off small, then increase. They slip so effortlessly from his lips. And when confronted, he defends, protests, and convinced me I was crazy for ever suggesting that he could lie. Pathological, evil, inhuman.

Temper. Rages, outbursts, screaming, tantrums, hurling, hurting. Evil, pure evil.

Masturbation. His favorite pastime. As Woody Allen said "Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love."