Recycling
Recycling
I keep having these mini-cycles of denial, anger, bargaining and depression and I am 8 months out as of today. I don't know if it's the stress of the move or the holidays or just the exhaustion of dealing with two assclowns while parenting 4 children. Is this the final step towards acceptance?
I read on another post (I'm sorry I can't remember who wrote it) that this experience is akin to finding out there is no Santa Claus...and that's exactly how I feel right now. My eyes have been opened to the dysfunction that surrounds me, I'm not sure what to do with that and I'm left with just an overall feeling of sadness. I don't want stbxN to be irrepairably damaged. I don't want to be alone especially at Christmas. I don't want to start over from scratch, yet again, on every level in my life. I don't want to feel like my heart has been shredded and my mind so fucked over that I don't know what was real and what wasn't. And most of all I don't want my children's lives to be torn apart.
I understand on a logical level why I had to go through this experience. I see full well how far off the path I had gotten and how I was selling myself out for my "soulmate". My "relationship" with stbxN was so sick and damaging. I was killing myself day by day and I didn't even realize it until I was out.
But my heart is still far behind in the acceptance of this situation and that is where I find myself tonite. Struggling to understand why this had to happen to me, what I do with the new information and where I go from here.
Your comment regarding what was real to him struck me
GeorgiaGirl, I'm right along
You made me laugh
Soul mates- they just might be!
Well then
The part that I had to accept
I agree, DS
Slowly, very slowly I get
I keep getting pissed too
LOL, I think I do sometimes
It's all in the matter of how
I don't know how, Sparrow
Your kids...