randomflag's story

A different kind of relationship

I want to share my story because it has been eye opening and an experience I think a lot of people could benefit from my lessons.

I'll start from the beginning...

I'm a 25 year old female and I have a group of female friends I met at university. Almost overnight I started to develop feelings for a lady in the group. I had always found her intriguing and interesting because she was so aggressive and (as I thought at the time) confident. She was very funny and witty and she would often look at things in a completely different way to everyone else. She was also very charming, she would comment on my clothes everyday, saying how beautiful I looked and how I managed to look gorgeous every day. She also commented on how intelligent and strong I was as a person. She made me feel amazing.

About myself, I had quite a strict upbringing and was basically a people pleaser. At home my opinions didn't count for much and looking back I had very low self esteem. I never let people "in" and to be honest, I was hiding behind a mask. I could never let myself "go" in social situations. I was also very good at reading people and consequently manipulating them into doing things for me.

My feelings for this lady grew stronger, I was engaged and I knew that what I was doing was wrong but I couldn't stop, I needed her like I needed a drug. I needed her hit of compliments to make me feel good about myself. I was also very confused about my sexuality since I had never had feelings for a female before. If was a man I would've stopped but because it was a woman, I decided to carry on and explore my feelings. She continued to flirt with me in very subtle ways, including, winking, leaving things at mine etc.

It all came to a head one night when the woman started crying hysterically when I told her I might be moving abroad. I had picked up on the fact that she was always dishing out compliments (because of my ability to read people) and I was beginning to feel like she was playing me. That night we had been drinking a lot of wine and when she started crying I told her to "stop acting" (she was previously a professional actress). Her behaviour towards me immediately changed and she became aggressive. She kept asking me if I had a problem with her and if she had done anything to upset me. After that she started playing with my hair and one thing led to another and I kissed her.

In the morning, I was distraught, I thought my relationship with my fiance was over and that all my friends were going to desert me because I was a pervert. That day I told my fiance what had happened and luckily he was fine with it all, he found it amusing but he was upset that I couldn't tell him about these feelings sooner. I phoned my friend up and I told her that I was distraught and that in the morning I thought I was going to lose everything and she just laughed hysterically. I couldn't understand what was so funny. I asked her why she was laughing and she just said it was funny. I thought this was strange...I wanted to cry and she just laughed. I also told her that I had thought she had been flirting with me, she denied it. I was gobsmacked, how could anyone deny the reality? She also said that she had zero feelings for me at all.

As the weeks went by my friends pressured me into talking to her and patching things up because it was my fault that an uncomfortable rift had happened between us as a group. I explained that she wasn't innocent and I felt uneasy approaching her, but she had already told them a different story. I gave in and went to speak to her. She told me that she missed me as a friend but didn't want to talk to me because she didn't want to give me the impression that she was flirting. There's a difference between what she was doing previously and having a cup of tea with someone. She was obviously giving me the silent treatment because I had figured her out by saying, "stop acting".

I think she has also been spreading rumors about me to my friends. One of them started becoming passive aggressive with me. I asked her what was bothering her and she said that she was angry that I wasn't coming to (the narcissist's) birthday party, she said I was rude that I had not even called her to say I wasn't coming. I told her why I didn't want to go and she said that I was being dramatic and that I had my way for far too long (because i'm pretty) and that I should just cope with rejection like a normal human being. (The narcissist) didn't want to be with me and I should be mature about that. Obviously this was not the issue, the issues were the lies and the denial of flirting and manipulation from her, but she could not see this.

Eventually everything came to a head and I exploded, I was really angry. I said some nasty things about the narcissist while I assume she just stood there smiling, saying, see, I told you she was the crazy one. No matter what I did, I couldn't win.

I still get pretty angry when I think about it, that they wouldn't believe me. My friends still won't talk to me despite the fact that I have apologized and (the narcissist) keeps on charming them. She buys them gifts and is so thoughtful (as she was with me). Will they eventually see through the mask and see that I was right?