Ran into him while...

Ran into him while on the way out of my building. Wasn't prepared for it because I've been so good about not running into him in weeks, that it felt like we don't work at the same place. But alas, the reality returns.

I am so accustomed to defaulting to my instincts of remaining silent. But I also didn't want him to think I was afraid of him or inhibited by him. I was putting on my coat and needed a mirror, and so I walked over to the mirror and stared straight, knowing that he was standing next to the mirror. I only looked at myself, but noticed that he was looking at me and didn't move away from the mirror once I got within a foot of him. Didn't say anything. Wished my phone would ring or that I had my better looking coat on or that my hair didn't look stringy (I happened to be going to my hair salon appointment at that time).

Got into the elevator and when the door closed I faced the door and did not face him. Then, "So how have you been?" Silence from me, and no reaction either, acted as if I was there in the elevator by myself. And in that moment, he let out a smirk-like "hmph" reaction, as if to say "wow, you can't even say hello when I'm being pleaseant with you....ok, that's how you are". I'm not gonna lie, in that quick few seconds that I had a chance to respond to him, I didn't want to talk to him yet I also wanted to say "I'm doing well" to show that I'm really not harboring any regret or holding a grudge or even thinking about him. However, I've trained myself for so long not to engage in any conversation with him because 1. he doesn't deserve any attention from me, 2. any contact will leave me feeling like I didn't have strong boundaries. I'm not gonna lie, I was left feeling like I was the child and he was the one acting like the adult, even though I didn't say anything.

A friend of mine was annoyed by the fact that I don't even just give a quick hello. Because she feels that by me not looking at him or looking at my phone, it gives the impression that I am not over him. My response to her was that I don't care what he thinks or assumes, his opinion doesn't matter in the long run. I'm not going to be fake and pretend that we are friends or even pleasant acquaintances, because I know in the end that would give him exactly what he wants and at the same time take away what I've worked hard for, which is setting boundaries and choosing me.

But for that few minutes, maybe half hour, I was kicking myself letting his smirky hmph response get to me. Luckily, right after he did that, another co-worker ( a guy) walked into the elevator and started talking to me. When I walked out of the building - still talking to my co-worker- I saw N's face and he looked as if he was possibly deflated. Hopefully, by staying silent and standing my ground (as tough and as "silly" as it felt) he sees that no matter what, he's not worth any of my attention. I'm hoping by maintaining my stance that I'll go home and and go to sleep with no regrets.

What do you think? Is there a point where I should at least wave or give a little head nod just to at least lessen awkwardness? Will I find more peace with myself if I go ahead and let up?