rahner's story

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#1 Jun 29 - 9PM
rahner's picture

rahner's story

Just devastated

Hello everyone, I am new to this but wanted to share my story. I am sure my ex husband is an N but he does not show the signs to me as being one until weeks before I found out he had someone else.
Here is my story, hope it's not to long.
My common law husband of 13 years was everything you could ask for in a sweet caring gentle happy guy. I met him 13 years ago when he was transferd from the an american copy to come and work for my boss. He came highly recomended and had a wonderful reputation in his work. When I met him, he had just gottem married to a girl who was 16 years younger than him. He was 40 when I heard he had a heart attack and this was only a few months that he came to work in the company. I would say hello to him once in awhile, but because he worked on the other side of my office, I rarely seen him. Well, about two years later I had heard that he was seperated but did not really meet him until a few months later at our staff x-mas party. He was with a girl that he was seeing but did not seem to be any thing serious. I kind of felt bad for her as he came and sat down beside me and we seem to have really hit it off. It was shortly following this night that I noticed him more at work and he was always coming out to the coffee truck where we would chat. I found myself so attracted to him but played it cool. He also had an old time freind that he grew up with that also worked for us and him and I were always hanging out together. Well, one day when I was at the coffee truck I noticed my ex had scrathes all over his face. I asked him what happened and with this inocent face he told me his girlfriend turned out to be a cocain user and went nuts on him. He said she was phyco and she said he beat her up and she cahrged him with asault. Well, I and everyone beleived him of course as this man never had a mean bone in his body and was such a swwet guy with pefect work ethics and everyone loved him.
Well he started to call me after work and this went on for weeks. One day he asked what I was doing and I said Jim and I were going to the pub for some wings and he was welcome to join us. He did and then we started dating after that. He was always over to my house, yet we never had sex for about 3 months into what I call a serious relationship. He said he was shy and wanted to take things slow. Of couse I believed him and respected him.
Well, the first night we had sex was kind of scary. We were at my sister and brother in laws and we had been drinking and dancing and having a great time. We spent the night and that was the first time he had sex with me and it should have been a flag. I was shocked at his performance. He treated me like I was a prostitude! He pulled my hair and said things to me that made me uncomfortable and I felt alsmot raped. I pushed him off of me and told him how upset I was and he scared me. His reply was, I thought woman liked it like this. Anyhow, I told him the next day that he scared me and that was not what I expected from love making. I was 44 and he was 44.
He said he was sorry and after that we had normal sex, but nothing really that great. After about 6 years of a very normal happy relationship he stopped having sex with me. I asked him why. He said since he had his heart attack he lost all interest in sex and could no longer perform. I told him he needed to see someone but he never did. I loved him so much and everything else was so perfect I just excepted it.
This is where my problem is wondering if he is an N. He never ws abusive to me verbaly ever. He was always encouraging me to visit my family and to take up a hobby I loved. I went into showing and breeding little dogs. He was so proud of my work, show results and loved my web site I designed. He loved to go to the dog shows with me and bragged all the time about what wonderful dogs we were breeding. He was my angel when it came to helping me out and shared my interest. Loved all my dog world friends and they all loved him. We did this for about 7 years.
Well. a few months ago I noticed he changed. He seemed short with me and I noticed his morning calls to me at work stopped coming in. I asked my co worker (she works with him everyday) if she noticed he was acting strange. She said she though he was quite but it could be that we were all so busy over the holiday season and he was probley just tired. I told her that if I didn't know better, that I would think he was having an affair. We kind of just laughed it off as we knew that he had no interest in sex or woman, after all I went with out for 7 years. We also both agreed that this could not be possible because he never went anywhere. He was lways home after work and always in his work clothes. The only place he ever went was up to safeway almost nightly to buy cream and or smokes.
Well, I suspected his strange behavior around my birthday which was the 13th of March. On the 30th of March I got the visa bill and seen he bought a pendant from the jewlery store. When I asked him about it, he finally admitted he met someone else. said it was an old friend from hi school but would not give me any info on her. Said he ran into at safeway and they met for coffee a few times and he was attracted to her but it was just an emotional affair due to his problem. It broke my heart!
He then told me he loved me but was not in love with me and needed space. He wanted me to get rid of my dogs, and sell the house. All this in a week? He made my life a living hell and this went on for weeks. He did not leave me, or the house so I thought it ended. Still told me almost everyday that it was over with us and he no longer loved me yet never left. He then moved into the basement.
He came home every day from work and talked to me like nothing was wrong. When I was in my office on the phone, he would knock on the door and hand me food he had made for me. Every night he would open my bedroom door and say good night to me yet he was as cold as ice to me. He did bring me plants from work, chocolates from a customer and even hanging baskets for the outside? This is a house he wanted to sell right away, yet never mentioned it again.
He had me in total confusion and I cried everyday and every night. I could not believe this was happening. This went on for weeks. On May 16th, he came home and told me he opened his own bank account and his checks were no longer going into our account. He gave me a check of what he thought would do. I asked him why he was not leaving to live with her, but he said he could not afford to right now until the house sells. It was that night that I kicked him out. He for the first time in weeks, gave me a big hug and told me he did care about me. Then he went to the store and when he got back, he said goodnight to me and went to the basement bedroom. He thought I had gone to bed, but I had a load of laundry to put in the dryer and that is when I caught him under the covers, talking sex talk to her and masterbating. He has made my life a living hell since then. When I kicked him out, he moved in with her but kept where he lived a big secret and also her. He told me she was his girlfriend, but it wasn't what I thought. She was nice to him and made him feel good but he had his own room and they were not having sex. Can you believe that? He did come over every weekend after I kicked him out and helped with the house, fixed my car yet was very cold, like he was afraid of me or something.
Anyhow, I found out where he lived which wasjust down the street from me and his girlfriend is 15 years youngerwith three kids under 12? This is a man that wanted his freedom to go away and wanted me to retire. This is a man that said he was sick of the dogs and was tired of being tied down to them. All this was only said to me after the affair. He now is going to church and does not even drink the od beer he enjoyed so much. He ahs already asked her to marry him, something I never would do even though he asked me hundreds of times. I see him at work still, he is working almost day and night now, look tired and not happy. He looks completely stressed out. He still playes games with me. Sometimes he is nice, and other times he rages on me. He is till paying me for the mortgage but this past week told me he was no longer going to do this.
We had a huge fight and now he is ignoring me. Will not come and get his belongings out of the house yet I have asked him so many times. I am now seeing another side to him. I found out that he cheating on his other three wives all the time, was a pervert and had rages of anger all the time. He also was arested for mollesting a 12 year old girl. He was not convicted but failed the lie detector test. The parents of the girl did not press charges as it was in a small town and they did not want to put her throught that. I have also found out that he has two other criminal charge (not sure what they are) and he was a drug user before he had his heart attack,which was caused from cocain use. There is way to much to tell you. I have been living with an imposter all these years. This is a man that never once got angry with me and was always so respectful to me and my family. What happened?
PS, this girl worked at safeway and was from an abusive relationship and left her husband a month before I found out about him cheating. He has now left me in financial ruins and we just paid off the big loan to make him a partner at work. He makes 140,000 a year and I am now expected to live off of 38,000. He left all the debt to me as all the credit cards were in my name because we were paying his daughters colledge for 7 years through a court order and he did not want his his first wife (mother of his kids) to go for more money. I begged and pleated with my boss and friend for 30 years to let him buy into the company. It was beacsue of me he is where he is today. Good pay, profit shares, new truck, and perfect credit as I paid off all his debt. He came into the realtionship with noting and now he wants half my house. He has never said he was sorry, never talks to me about any of this and when he does it is all lies. He never asks about our grandkids, my mother he adores and she loved him, nothing!
He has completely gone cold and does not care.
Is he an N?

Jun 30 - 10AM
agnesmurphy17's picture

Financial Predator

Jun 30 - 5AM
Brit's picture

Certainly looks that way

Jun 30 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
MissScout's picture

He used you

Jun 30 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
rosedewittbukater's picture


Jul 1 - 7AM (Reply to #10)
agnesmurphy17's picture

That's Creepy

Jun 30 - 7AM (Reply to #6)
rahner's picture

Still so hurt

Jul 1 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
Hunter's picture

The covert narcissit is the

Jun 29 - 11PM
DawnWins's picture

Yup he's an N, loud and

Jun 30 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
rahner's picture

Dawn, I think he used hookers

Jun 29 - 9PM
midwestdiva's picture

is he a N?

Jun 30 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
rahner's picture

Thanks midwestdiva, I am soon