Question re. contact

If I were to drive past the N, or walk by in the shopping mall, or be stopped at a traffic light and he was in a vehicle next to me, is it best to: flash an easy, relaxed, confident, knowing smile, or just ignore, ignore, ignore?

I would appreciate your responses!

foolmeonce's picture

This is what I learned about No Contact. I took the long road. I still slept with him for two years, then after that I stopped sleeping with him and just hung out with him. Then I stopped that then just texts and phone calls then just phone calls. I thought I could tapper off - but it was not until I went total No Contact that I began to feel better. I know any communication is damaging. When they are in your life at all - you still think about them - you still know what they are doing. I wish I had gone No Contact years ago. I know I would most likely be healed by now. The problem is you can hear No Contact all day long, but until you do it yourself, you don't realize that it's true and it's the only way to heal. As long as they are in your life, you don't focus on yourself, you remain trapped in the illusion.
enoughalready's picture

I agree. I tapered off before I even knew he was narcissistic. The phone calls ended cause I was sick of hearing him talk about himself and his life, constantly getting interrupted and total silence on the phone. Then it went to unending mean txts. I told him 2 yrs ago, I will put as much effort as you put effort into our relationship. Needless to say, I started not making time for him, had sex once every 2-3 weeks and txted a few times a day. That's when the mind-bending games, projection, verbal abuse, and rationalization came out. Which now I know is devaluing and discarding. I thought-something is definitely wrong with this picture. I went on vacation, had no contact for 2weeks only bc i needed time to rethink about our "messed up relationship. The alone time felt wonderful, peaceful and happy without being beat down by someone i thought loved me. A few days after I got back from vacation, and reading several desperate txts from him saying how much he missed me. Whatever- it was a big mistake to txt him then. I knew something wasn't right when i started feeling better separated. I don't know how I found out about narcissism but I googled something like breaking up with a man who refuses to break up, thinks of only self and friends etc. I bought several books, checked out every website about narcissism and from that point- I knew NC was the only solution to the madness I was feeling. I feel better each day even though I still think of him, but it doesn't consume me as it once did. I hope one day i can go days without ever thinking of this sick man. It's been 16 days without contact and intend to do this forever.
quietude's picture

Ignore ~ any attention to an N is supply..
Barbara's picture

IGNORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
masquerades's picture

Thank you, Barbara, for your emphatic 'IGNORE'. I just hope my body doesn't betray me and I jolt in unexpected surprise. But also I don't want to live my life in expectant mode... certainly not about seeing him! Thanks to all who responded to my query - much appreciated.
Barbara's picture

even if your body jolts... you do NOT need to SAY anything or explain your reaction - just KEEP ON WALKING. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
masquerades's picture

Keep on Walking... I like this. If the unwanted were to happen I'm just gonna' think "Johnnie Walker" and smile inwardly!
Barbara's picture

your boots were made for walking... ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims