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#1 Jan 4 - 7AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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question

"Cognitive Dissonance" explains how and why people change their ideas and opinions to support situations that do not appear to be healthy, positive, or normal. In the theory, an individual seeks to reduce information or opinions that make him or her uncomfortable. When we have two sets of cognitions (knowledge, opinion, feelings, input from others, etc.) that are the opposite, the situation becomes emotionally uncomfortable. Even though we might find ourselves in a foolish or difficult situation – few want to admit that fact. Instead, we attempt to reduce the dissonance - the fact that our cognitions don't match, agree, or make sense when combined. "Cognitive Dissonance" can be reduced by adding new cognitions

I read the above definition of cognitive dissonance, this is related to trauma bonding but is it also the direct result of the effects of brainwashing? In trying to achieve NC I find myself at times wishing he would call, I want him to beg, come crawling back so I can further ignore him and give him back him D&D. I often wonder how they would react to being mentally tortured like we were? How would they like being conned as we were? Not for love or sex because that relates to emotions but in other areas of their life. Suppose I played and conned him into thinking I will give in to what he wants and then basically say FY and walked out the door and D&D him for his sickness? I imagine their reaction would be rage and revenge vs what they have done to us resulting in emotional pain. I would never do such a thing because it would be dangerous but sometimes I wish someone would come along and destroy their lives in the same manner as they did to us, I just wonder what betrayal would be to a narc. You would have to beat them at their own game I guess and quite frankly I wont waste my time or lower myself

Jul 20 - 12AM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

How would they react

Hi Cynthia - long time no hear! How would they react to being mentally tortured? If they came begging back to us? (you can see this in my posts in the last few weeks) Well, I experienced this last week. The don't put up with it! They don't see us as useful supply and they cut us off immediately with no discussion, no talk, no nothing. Because our feeling and emotions are not important to them. IF they can't get what they want, they stop immediately and act like they didn't really care in the first place! Like even though they came to you 1 minute ago and wanted something badly, you say no because you have hurt me in the past, and they say "its ok, i didn't really want it anyway! I'm taking my toys and going home...permanently..and besides, you stink too!" It is just like a little kid that doesn't get his way. There is no adult conversation about it, at all! Thank god for this board, because this is what I learned to expect, and I think I would be in clinical depression now if this blindsided me. But this is what happened to me. He was soooo excited for us to work together again. Has been buttering me up for about 1 month, I led him to think we were going to work together, because I wanted to see how it would play out, he was excited, and then I questioned his motives and he bolted! And yes, the result was rage (refusing to even talk to me on the phone to discuss the ending of our 23 year relationship), requiring me to either document it in writing or have a 3rd party on the phone (unreal! given that we have shared everything that is possible for two people to share) and then revenge (emailing the owner of my company that its too bad our companies won't be working together because LOML has an issue with me!) Unreal. Zero emotions! After 23 close years! ONly rage and revenge. he didn't care a bit about my emotional pain!
Jul 19 - 10PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Taking a ride on the karma bus

Before I even found this site, I had come to the conclusion (talking on the phone with a college friend) that being happy and wishing happiness on others is the best revenge. The sweetest, actually, because one doesn't have to take the time and calculation to be callous. My ex-P wanted to see me ruined. He tried to professionally sabotage me. Now I have a job, I've been successful writing--and he's powerless. He wanted me in a lunatic asylum and/or dead--but I'm mentally healthy and I'm quite alive and healthy. In a strange way, I've come to realize I've had my revenge without going to the trouble of plotting it. As for my ex-P, he's gone from being the loner/bachelor, eking it out on his own in the Southwest (he had lived on his own in Buffalo and Charlottesville as well)--to his parents living with him. He used to be able to act without consequences, and now Mommy&Daddy are with him. He's the only professor whose parents are raising his kids... and him. The same parents who had him committed to an asylum. That's gotta hurt.
Jul 19 - 10PM
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

This is a question that I

This is a question that I guess we all wonder about...
Jan 4 - 8AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

making sense out of the senseless

Cognitive dissonance is an INTEGRAL PART of their hypnosis & brainwashing. This is the state they WANT you in. http://www.nook2.com/CommonBehaviors/CognitiveDissonance.html (while I don't agree with everything on this site, this is a fairly good look at Cognitive Dissonance) ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website