The psycho came here this morning with more fabricated lies, tell me to bolt lock the door

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#1 Oct 27 - 6AM

jaycee

The psycho came here this morning with more fabricated lies, tell me to bolt lock the door

my psycho hN came here this morning to check the oil tank, of course, he texted first, how horrible his night was and how he just has to get out of her place, he had the nerve to ask me how to go about looking for an apt, like hes really going to do anything on his own, he asked if i see a place i like, do i get an application and see if they approve me? i said yes, that is how its done, then like a moron, i had to ask, are you really leaving her? as he has said this all along, but for the past three weeks its all he talks about. i know hes lying, he cant get out of his own way, let alone find an apt, plus he has no money. i dont know what game hes playing, but maybe shes tired of him and getting rid of him. now wouldnt that be poetic justice. who knows why he is continuing this charade, his new line of i just want to be on my own, i cant take being told what to do every second, i need my freedom, i dont want anyone, i want to be alone, yeah ok, he couldnt be alone if someone paid him, so what is his big charade about? i know we will never know what goes on in their mind, they are sick and every word is a lie, but this habitual continual, can you help me, i need to get out of there, im outta there, i cant take another minute, what in the hell is he doing, trying to push me further over the edge. glad ive never asked him to come home, hed feast for months if i ever did, i just keep telling him to find an apt, trust me, i may not want him with her, but boy i dont want him ever.........hes twisted and killing me, but i have to be honest, i would be ashamed of myself if i ever let him come back, i just couldnt, i could never go through this again. ever...........wish me peace.......xoxo jaycee

#2 Oct 27 - 2PM

agnesmurphy17

What's going on in his mind?

He told you. He had a bad night. She's possibly tossing him out. He may be homeless. Or she's just not giving him the supply he needs. So, he's coming over to check the oil tank to use this as an excuse to see if he can worm his way back into past supply. Maybe move back in. And to make you feel guilty that he needs to find an apartment, & to ask you to give him advice, rather like an assistant, because all Ns extract essential support & services from supply. Maybe he'll get lucky & get to be with you. You were a good supply source & provided essential services for a long time. Ns are never alone. By definition, a N is never alone=red flag. AN ABUSER NEVER LETS GO UNTIL HE HAS FOUND A REPLACEMENT WOMAN. Trust me. I can understand the need to uncover lies. But N is not the source to determine what is a lie & what is not. N will lie about everything, even when a lie is not necessary. I wouldn't tell this man anything. I'd ignore him. And check your own oil tank. If you can manage an N -- you can handle any household chore. As long as you maintain contact, the more lies he will feed you, and the more energy you will use to uncover his manipulations. Always second guessing, always anticipating the N's next move. Such a waste of your energy. That's the point of NC. Without contact there is no web of deceit to unravel. One moves on & begins to let the past with N recede away as other people & activities take over the energies which N once consumed without giving anything but lies & grief in return. Of course, one always has the joy of selfless giving which is the essence of love. And I have no doubt that N telles you he loves you! However, one must be careful not to become a doormat.

#3 Oct 28 - 6AM (Reply to #23)

The Girlfriend ...

Jaycee Girl

Read everything Agnesmurphy17...and all the girls wrote to you here! Do NOT be fooled by him. Otherwise you will be back to square one again...trying to get the depraved Narcopath out of your life again...and then having to go through a bunch of confusion and harm you already have been processing. I have read the things you write about your heinous experience with your own Narcopath...We all could relate to your hurt and confusion...and you really were processing ALOT of horrible painful things and sharing very openly with all of us (which is GOOD)...and slowly...over weeks, it has been apparent that you have been starting to become less confused...and take steps forward...ever so carefully and in baby steps like we all do. With continued communication in any way with this sick disordered exN of yours...it is going to cause you trouble. These guys ALWAYS fall back on past 'SUPPLY'...ALWAYS!...they eventually try every single manipulation in the book...and write their own too...the mind games are never ending... Do NOT allow him to get even so much as a toe back in the door...SLAM that door Girl!...and bolt it shut...then toss away the key...better bolt down the windows too... :-)

#4 Oct 28 - 8AM (Reply to #24)

jaycee

the girlfriend

no way in hell will this psychopath ever get back into the house to live, fine, he pays all the bills and plays the headgames, but trust me, i could never take him back, i could never go through this again, each time is more devastating and bullshit, i wont be anyones sloppy seconds again. i let him disrespect me, put whores before me, and now, things arent working out for him, oh well, he best get his own apt and do his own thing, because i may play his game to make sure he pays for everything, and i may obsess their relationship ends, but no way do i want him back, i just want to know, she wasnt the one, and i will find peace with that, as for him and his new found, i want to be alone and want my freedom, bs. he either is begging her not to throw him out, or hes simply done and realizes he cannot be suffrocated by this woman and truly wants out, i have no idea what is real, i do know he will use me until the end of time if i let him and no way could i ever let him come home. hopefully, one shred of truth will prevail, that he is moving out of her place and going on his own and then i will find peace and he will continue to be a piece of shit to the next. thats all....... thanks for posting. Jaycee

Jaycee

#5 Oct 28 - 6AM (Reply to #19)

jaycee

agnes

agnes, thank you for your reply, you are right, I was a great source of supply, and only supply, who knows whats going on over there. But I do wonder, when you said they never let go until they find another woman, why is it that he wont let go here, i threw him out, lock stock and barrel and in the seven months he has lived with her, not a day goes by that he doesnt text, call, come here, tell me his lies of how he misses me, loves me, and wishes i never threw him out, do they grasp desperately to their safety, even when they discard supply? that baffles me, i always assumed he would let go asap as soon as i threw his ass out, but he wont, maybe hes so insecure he needs my safety supply, although he needs her sexual supply? any thoughts?Jaycee

Jaycee

#6 Oct 28 - 6AM (Reply to #20)

agnesmurphy17

Control

It's all about control. Controlling you. Controlling the new woman. He's the master & you both are the servants. The N is like a child. Wants it all. Can never make a decision. Like a child left in daycare. Screams for the mother not to leave. But, her back is hardly turned when he's found a toy & a playmate to distract him while she's feeling guilty all day at work (so as to support them both). Sound familar? At least your N is up front. I left my N. He replaced me immediately. The woman moved into the house I still owned. My N tried to keep it all a secret. I knew she was there. I never confronted him. I wanted away. Still he tried to reconcile with me while he was with another woman. I just said, NO. I never asked about the woman in the house. After they broke up, she contacted me. (Him too seeking reconcilation.) I showed her all my e-mails which he sent during their 10 month relationship. Every e-amil seeking reconciliation occurred when they were having a major argument & she was threatening to leave. Or, when he found out that he could not get a second mortgage & the house would have to be sold (& she refused to buy into the house for him). He always got in touch when the new supply seemed like less of a good deal than the old supply (me). The lies & manipulations are beyond belief. Look. These men are emotionally immature. They may "act" mature somtimes. But, little children in reality. Like all children, everything is MINE! You belong to him. The new woman belongs to him. Both of you are his playthings. At his disposal when he wills. And shelved when he's not interested. And like a child has little conception of the distinctions between truth & the fantasy of what he wants. All he knows is that he is entitled & that you (like his mommy) is required to make his fanstasy a reality for him. It's as simple as that. The woman & her sex belong to N just as the mother & her breast belong to the child.

#7 Oct 28 - 6AM (Reply to #21)

jaycee

agnes

you are so right, hes all about control, he wants her and me at his disposal, and wants me, when shes ready to boot his ass out the door. the lies are incredible, and sick too boot, if she ever saw the daily, i mean daily texts of how he loves me wants me needs me misses me, i could go on forever, there have been thousands since i threw him out, she would die, but i think shes getting sick of his bs his lies his cheating, etc........but hes not ready to give up his toy, yet he wont let mommy (me) go, because im his safety always have been..........thank you for talking to me.......xoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

#8 Oct 28 - 12PM (Reply to #22)

agnesmurphy17

Idea?

Contact her yourself. Give her copies of all your e-mails or texts. Whatever. But, be forewarned, Ns & Ps are very VIOLENT & FURIOUS when caught in a lie. Never shamed. Furious because the reality does not conform to their desire.

#9 Oct 27 - 11AM

fedup

Jaycee

It's time to let him face his own music. Even if you don't feel indifferent yet, that's how I would respond to him, if I were in your shoes. He made his bed--he can lie in it. What I'm really looking forward to is.... (okay, try to set your mind on fast-forward here) Hearing from you in the future, no longer dealing with his daily mind-games and hoovering attempts---but focused on yourself, and your healing. I'm visualizing you in that place, no longer concerned about what he thinks, or what she thinks, or says---they will barely be a blip on your radar. Please don't think of this as me invalidating the very real pain you are feeling at the moment---and the righteous anger to which you are entitled---it's something you have to go through and experience............... ..Please think of this as me tapping you gently on the shoulder and saying, "Hey-look over there ---in the distance---Do you see that?It's you, in the future, happy and free........You can start walking that direction whenever you choose to---in your own time, at your own pace.... You are getting stronger, I've noticed it just over the course of the past few weeks---you're on you way. Keep looking forward. (((((hugs)))))

#10 Oct 28 - 6AM (Reply to #15)

jaycee

fedup

I loved what you said about looking over there, me in the future happy and free, i can picture it so clearly, looking down a beautiful path, without his illness to destroy me and our children, I pray that day comes soon, i would love to let go and keep walking toward the future, and know i will have many more years of my life to find real love, and end this sickness with this psychopath/narc......thank you for the beautiful picture....it makes me cry i want it so bad.......Jaycee

Jaycee

#11 Oct 28 - 10AM (Reply to #16)

fedup

That path is ALWAYS there, Jaycee.

Sometimes it's hard to see. Sometimes it gets obscured by the F.O.G. Sometimes the fog gets so thick we can get disoriented. But all we have to do is walk out of it--and the path is still there, waiting patiently for our first steps.........Your heart knows the way, even in the fog. Let it guide your steps. (((((Hugs again, sweetie....)))))

#12 Oct 28 - 10AM (Reply to #17)

jaycee

fedup

i know the path is there, i cant see it yet, but i am yearning for it........the fog will lift eventually.....thanks for your support xoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

#13 Oct 27 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

jaycee

fedup

fedup thank you for your kind words. Im trying to get stronger, and with all the help here, it will come. xoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

#14 Oct 27 - 10AM

jen79

jaycee

I am so sorry for you, I hope one day, you never have to see him again, since this is triggering you again and again. But I see you are getting better, you sound better! Hugs!

#15 Oct 27 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

jaycee

jen

thanks for responding, this is such a trigger for me, especially since i am the curiosity killed the cat kind of person. im dying to know if it is really what he wants, or if shes tired of his manipulations and lies already. or if he simply lying. but i know i will never know the truth. funny how he loves himself so much he said, shes going to be crushed, oh well. nice guy. if he is honest about wanting to be on his own, he must be pushing her because from the looks of it, only what i can assume, it looks as if she wants him out just as much, but he ll play the game until hes in control again,then he ll discard her like everyone else. i promise you though, i do not want him back, i just want her to get hers and him to die alone. sounds cruel but nothing is more cruel than the way he treated me and way she did as well. thanks for responding........Jaycee

Jaycee

#16 Oct 27 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

staystrong.10.10

hi Jaycee

i really don't think that's what he wanted - being alone. i don't get why they are all the same. my xN said he same thing to me that he wants to be alone, be on his own. first of all Ns can never be alone, they need other people to be in their lives to give them the supplies that they needed. second of all, are you a very independent person? or were you an independent person? if so I can see why. because they hang on to something that they lack of and often trying to mimic what they are missing in their lives or as who they really are. I am a very independent person and he is totally opposite. he knows that very well. so when he said that i knew he's trying to make me feel like he's a changed man. by doing that he thinks he can try to win me over. so in your case, i think it is the same. thoughts?

#17 Oct 27 - 11AM (Reply to #9)

ShaynasMommy

yeah Jaycee

That comment on wanting to be alone.....I got that one too!!!! I swear, do they have Narc conventions or what? That sentiment is just a tactic to get you to believe that theyv'e become all introspective and mature or some shit like that. Its to get you to feel sorry for them and to give them the opportunity to come back and try to talk to you later. By then they will have enough time to come up with some fab shit about what they discovered about THEMSELVES, about your relationship and what THEY did, how you should be back in THEIR lives again, I I I ME ME ME, ETC. I figured most of these tactics out all by myself once I got away from him and reviewed the whole thing from a fresh perspective, but it still KILLS ME how I keep reading my story in everyone else's posts here. The douchebags think they are sooooo special, but really they are the most UN-original pumpkin fuckers out there (ohm BTW Happy Halloween, girls). Watch out for them vampires! :-)

#18 Oct 27 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

staystrong.10.10

word to that shaynasmommy!

you are totally right about that. OMG!!! word to word!!!!!! mine said the same thing about wanted to be alone that so he can "discovered about himself" HOLY Sh&T!!!!! i can't believe this! They are! thay are the most Un-original peeps out there!!! soooo glad for this post! once again it really confirms how similar they are and they will never change!!!

#19 Oct 27 - 8PM (Reply to #12)

Disillusionedx2

yep yep

Indeed they are Un-original, you know why? They mimic, I realized N was using things I have said to him and repeating them, he apparently does this with others IF he thinks they are saying something intelligent, introspective etc, another of his supply sources may have said this to him. Early on with the N I could sense something wasn't right, I could not put my finger on it but I said to him, I need to be alone right now to sort out some conflicting emotions I was experiencing, when he created some "drama" he was raging at his moms and I heard him say what I said months ago, all I could do was laugh, such pathetic characters, as I said, the only person you will ever know that need brains, courage and heart from the wiz, they are truly eNpty.

stay~strong

#20 Oct 27 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

jaycee

shaynasmommy

you are right they all have the same agenda they all are fucked up narcs and we need to discard them. lol thanks for your words. xoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

#21 Oct 27 - 11AM (Reply to #7)

jaycee

staystrong

staystrong, I think he lacks the ability to be independent, i was so independent when i met him and although i have fallen apart because of his narc abuse over the years, he knows i can get back to that, or he fears i can. im not sure hes trying to prove hes changed and suddenly wants to be alone or on his own, i cant figure out what hes doing, i doubt hes trying to win me over, i think hes just a psychopath who doesnt know what he wants because nothing makes him happy. and who knows, maybe he really is tired of being suffrocated by his whore, when I, his wife gave him so much freedom he hung himself with it. who knows, wish i could say for sure what he doing, but i know one thing for sure, he is nothing without me and our children, and deep down everyone knows it. Jaycee

Jaycee

#22 Oct 27 - 9PM (Reply to #8)

staystrong.10.10

jaycee!

you are right! without us, they ARE NOTHING! they are NOBODY!! b/c there's no one worship them!! after i left mine, i realized all his ex left him - he made them/us. the only people that he has are his crazy parents, especially his mother! the way his mother worshipped him is just crazy, it is all about him!!! crazy!! You go Jaycee!!! you are your own woman! take care of yourself, your children and have a great life with them! exclude him!!! xoxox stay strong sister!

#23 Oct 27 - 10AM (Reply to #3)

jen79

jaycee

This is a big step, and I guess the curiosity is normal. But its a big step that you truely dont want him back, and that you want him to die alone, and that she gets her's, is normal too. You are not internalizing his abuse anymore, instead you now become angry at them, and thats a step forward. HUGS

#24 Oct 27 - 10AM (Reply to #4)

jaycee

i am beginning to become angry, but im holding back a little

jen thank you, i am such a curious person and that eats at me, i want to know intimate details about everything, which is only hurtful to me. i need to stop caring and what ever happens happens, whos ever decision it is, it is.....but it eats at me, in the end, i want to know, she wasnt for him, and he destroyed his family again, for another useless affair, because they dont turn out well, they are as cheap as they are, and nothing cheap ever becomes expensive. Jaycee

Jaycee

#25 Oct 27 - 10AM (Reply to #5)

jen79

jaycee

right now, we need to stop that cycle, we need to stop to allow them to use us as their shoulder to cry out. Cause thats what they are doing, first they dumped us for these women, and now they are using us to throw out their garbage at us when things are not well with these women. These needs to stop jaycee, lets be strong. We have to break that cycle.

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