the psychic vampire thing

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#1 Oct 19 - 10PM

kiwi10

the psychic vampire thing

i know it has been discussed at length before, and even links have been provided to articles, but i'm wondering if you all could tell me your experiences with this...

for example, ever since i did the whole forgiveness kickm i have been way less obsessive, feeling lighter and generally been able to to channel my tendancy to obsess onto other guys, school and positive things :)

HOWEVER, today I just had a little mini break down. randomly. i just started feeling yucky out of nowhere and i had an incling that maybe, just maybe, he had been 'thinking' of me.

so, i came home in between classes to gathe rmyself together, and sure enough he had been here, moving stuff in. it's no big deal because once i knew what it was i felt much better.

what are your experiences and theories on this? here is mine:

when you are with a parasitic or unhealthy individual or not with them but have to have contact or whatever, and you still have some kind of link (and sometimes you do even after NC for fifteen years like sickofit), when they think about you, or want to talk to you, they start sucking, drawing, taking. i feel in in my chest now. i used ot in my tummy when i loved and still wanted him. now i feel it in my heart. the sadness of knowing it was all nothing. sadness for me. i hope i'm making sense here. i'm hoping someone else can explain or articulate it better than i am

#2 Oct 21 - 1AM

almostlydia

I guess I have missed

I guess I have missed something here - you are letting this man that beat you with a belt move back in with you? If so then I strongly suggest you read Imalone's comments about her life more closely. Damn girl, love does not come with abuse. Sorry if I missed something here. almostlydia

almostlydia

#3 Oct 21 - 10AM (Reply to #18)

kiwi10

almostlydia

i know. don't worry, it's not because we 'love' eachother. its because of economic reasons and will be short lived. we have no interest in interacting, trust me. i have beenn thouroughly d&ded, and so has fuckface. :) it will be short lived and may bother me a little but it will make for good posting and psychological experiments if i can just keep my urge to torture/poison him down.

#4 Oct 21 - 10AM (Reply to #19)

Susan32

It's not safe

You're not safe with him. You need to find another place. If he ends up miserable, homeless on the streets, good for you... He should NOT be living with you!

#5 Oct 20 - 12AM

cluelessuntilnow

That heaviness in your

That heaviness in your chest/heart is called grief. I had it for almost a year. Deep bereavement. I could not figure out why my heart hurt and felt so heavy and then I looked online and it is was there. Grief.

#6 Oct 20 - 12AM

Nothanx

premonitions

I can't tell you how many times I will be plugging along just fine, when out of the blue I get an anxiety attack for no apparent reason. Sure enough right around the time I am having my anxiety I will get contact from him. It used to be weird stuff like a sighting of him driving by my house or a text mesg, but contact non the less. I still get anxiety, but I think it is just that I see things that remind me and it is triggered.

#7 Oct 19 - 11PM

iAmMINE

Fierflie'd realness...

This is the most 'real' I've seen u. keep up the GREAT work sweetheart, I know it hurts. I know it sucks, and I know 'they' deserve a hot poker in their eye for the rest of their breathing time on this earth and thereafter... and you're healing ~ feels weird haw?? ((((((((((((((((((Fierflie)))))))))))))))))) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

#8 Oct 20 - 12AM (Reply to #2)

kiwi10

iammine

thank you for that. it means a great deal to me to hear i seem 'real', and is more of a compliment than you can imagine. i'm really upset he is moving in. i'm looking for places to move into. i have a lot of anxiety about what this will do to me. i've been in denial. everyone keeps telling me how bad it is for me, but i just think 'oh he'll leave me alone', or 'we can be room mates', but every single ionic interaction with him is so filled with his nastiness and bitterness. what confuses the hell out of me.... and maybe you guys can help me with this... is that i CAN forgive him... why can't he forgive ME? Is it that I am just a big fat reminder of his 'true self'? I'm so not the same person as he is that i simply can't even fathom his rage at me. it's just so odd.... it's not that important why he does what he does anymore. i get that. i just hate to be hated by anyone. especially someone I gave so fucking much to. someone who should be sorry for how they treated me. what is wrong with them? seeing his stuff was a trigger. my little haven is being taken away. i'm starting to look at apartments and the thought of moving is daunting and stressful. i'm lonely.

#9 Oct 20 - 1AM (Reply to #3)

iAmMINE

Sweetheart... who gives a phuck...

if "He" forgives us or not. Just get the phuck outta there (please go anywhere), cut yer losses... and move on. Ya.. I can hear ya, "easy for you to say". I can and do hear, and did, even. I packed what lil shit I had left, said g'bye to some really nice shit, and moved my ass away from insanity. And you can t0o~! ((((( Fierflie ))))) PS: you don't just "seem real", you feel real too :) PSS: "there are 6.5 billion ppl on this earth, and there's that .5 that are gonna hate you no matter what you do. I BElieve I'll spend my heart and soul on that other 6. now ;) ~~ PSSS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcU57tAKzng ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

#10 Oct 20 - 1AM (Reply to #4)

kiwi10

iammine

will you tell me about your husband that died? about what happened and how you left?

#11 Oct 20 - 1AM (Reply to #5)

iAmMINE

sure...

My exhusband that died was my "out" of an abusive home when I was 18. I had his two children. My daughter first at age 19. he beat the shit outta me during my pregnancy. I remember holding my stomach during, begging him not to hurt the baby. She came early. My son came next at 21, and early too because he beat the shit out of me the night before. And while in labor I cleaned up the broken glass coffetable he'd destroyed during his fit. Can't even for the life of me remember why... He'd told me a few times thru the years what a good job I'd done with the kids. Then he died. And I had to process a lot of shit. Comfort my children who'd just lost their dad. And elation that I was still here to BE a mom. Thanks for asking. I left because I wanted something different. I just left. ~~ ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

#12 Oct 20 - 1AM (Reply to #6)

kiwi10

oh i am mine

you poor beautiful brave soul. you never knew anything but that until now. i'm crying for you. i'm so happy that you have been able to find peace somehow after a life of being victimized by pieces of SHIT. youre so creative and sweet... why does this happen? i cleaned up after one of mine's fits too. he told me he wanted me to leave it so he could look at it. even my co dependant behavior was trivialized. but anyway, my story isn't nearly as heartbreaking as yours. you left before he died, i'm assuming? did you take the kids? that must have been so hard!! how did you do it? what did you do to support yourself? i'm amazed by your bravery. it inspires me.

#13 Oct 20 - 2AM (Reply to #7)

iAmMINE

of course I took the kids... and before

and I never told them what their father had done to me. He eventually grew up enuff to be a dad to them when it counted. Of course it was hard. But not while I was with him. It was familiar, I knew how to 'be' in this, hard came when I had to process he was just one of many 'n'z in my life. If I tell you "how" I did it, you'll not grasp how you need to. Sorry. I did what I had to do. You'll do what you need to. Even harder still?? ~ Is embracing that all of that, was to bring me here, and that it's all ok. That's hard. To just set aside. And wait. Wait for real healing. ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

#14 Oct 20 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

MovinOnUp

iAmMine, you're a very brave

iAmMine, you're a very brave courageous woman. My hat's off to you. Fierflie -- We're always talking about what goes on in the narc's head, and I thought you might find it interesting to read what they do to our brains. I don't know how to link, but if you get a chance google "What a Narcissist's Abuse Does to Your Brain by Dr. Diane Englund" You may have already read it, but I thought I'd mention it anyway in case you haven't. I'm very glad that you are feeling icky about living with him again because you have made strides and I'd hate to see you lose ground.

#15 Oct 20 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

kiwi10

i also have decided

to make it a point to stand up for myself. although i can't have NC, i have realizede every minute interaction has been somewhat abusive. so his last email said 'i would be pleased to know he wouldn't be moving i for another week. i got told what i felt constantly. so i simply said for future reference, if you would like to know how i feel, ask me. don't tell me. i'm a horrible NS now. lol i totally on to him.

#16 Oct 20 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

Susan32

Good for you!

Yeah, it's awful being constantly told what you're feeling, or being told what to think or feel. The ex-Psych professor did the SAME thing, especially during the D&D. By the end, I'd be sarcastically apologizing to him, saying, "I'm sorry I'm human. I'm sorry I have feelings" or saying in the kindergarten teacher voice "You're always right, I'm always wrong because I'm a student." I used the same tone of voice on him... that I've used on toddlers. Then I'd tell him how he was feeling. I'd say "I can tell you're angry" (well, I'm empathic, duh),and he'd be like "I'm not angry, I'm disappointed." I got sick of the ex-P telling me I wasn't really happy, that I was using "defense mechanisms",and on and on and on. He wouldn't even let me end phone calls with "have a nice day" or "have a nice evening." Saying "having a happy day" would make him go bonkers. Good for you for standing up to him. Good for you for saying YOU know how YOU feel... and that he doesn't.

#17 Oct 20 - 5PM (Reply to #11)

wholeagain

And to add to this...

good for you for KNOWING that he was trying to tell you how you felt! I bet there was a time when that wouldn't have even registered with you, or you would just take as gospel that you felt how he said you did. Well at least that was true for me. Now gawd help the person who tries to tell me how I feel lol!!

#18 Oct 20 - 8PM (Reply to #13)

kiwi10

susan and wholeagain

thank you for your support. i need it today. i almost didn't send it. i waited and thought about that stupid email for TWO days. then, i decided, like wholeagain said, that it was pretty dang smart of me to catch it, and that if i didn;t call him on it every time verbally for MYSELF, i would get barinwashed again. i'm not stupid, but i'm soft as a marshamallow, i have to do it like this if we are going to live together. it's sooooo not easy. another thing, susand, about the happiness... my x wasn't against happiness. it was the only thing i was allowed to feel. but you know what he hated? JOY, ELATION, extreme, depp happiness. yours was just grumpier maybe? just wondering, because you said you thought mine was a P

#19 Oct 20 - 8PM (Reply to #14)

Susan32

He's too dangerous to live with...

That's my 2 cents. He's physically HURT you. He's predatory. You need to find a way to live on your own. He inflicted emotional and physical pain on you. He's NOT SAFE. I don't mean to sound like a nag. For your own sake, you have to be on your own, NOT with him. I understand... the ex-Psych professor hated seeing me having, as you call it "joy, elation, extreme, deep happiness." My friends hated how I'd be cheerful around them, but gloomy around him. He thought that if I was smiling, I wasn't taking him "seriously." He'd snap "can you be more serious?" and "stop smiling." No wonder I find the line in the article "You are merely his prey" so fitting--it says "he finds her happiness unbearable." If I so much wished him a happy day over the phone, he sounded like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Jen79 rightly interpreted one of the ex-P's papers on the internet as "war and war and war and war and war." That's NOT happy. One of his favorite Schopenhauer quotes is that the nobler a man is, the less he enjoys life. Okay, so the fact that I'm living and breathing is revenge enough (THANKS BRISEIS!!!! THANK YOU!!!!),and the fact I'm optimistic and have joie de vivre IN SPITE of what happened a decade ago... all I can say is wow. Right now, you're in the middle of it. You can save yourself. To quote the LGBT anti-bullying campaign, "It gets better."

#20 Oct 20 - 6PM (Reply to #12)

Susan32

He can't tell me I'm not happy anymore :)

It's been a decade since the ex-P has communicated with me. So, it's been a loooong time since he's told me that I'm not happy, how dare I wish him happiness, etc. When I wished him well with the OW, saying "better happy with her than unhappy with me",he freaked and got VERY angry. He claimed that I was imposing on him and violating him... but I had the reached the point that I had as much respect for his boundaries as I do for trash on the sidewalk. I think that's the difference between Narcs and Psychs. My Narc grandmother and my former Narc boss enjoy happiness in their own limited ways,be it shopping or cooking. Psychs are against happiness altogether. The ex-Psych professor was opposed to happiness. (Yet he had the nerve to give a lecture on it last year.... LOL...) Whenever I was happy, he avoided me. He'd tell me "You're TOO HAPPY" or ask "why are you always happy?" Sheesh, he's as qualified to lecture about "Quietism on the Side of Happiness" as Paris Hilton is to qualified on quantum physics and that hadron accelerator in Europe. I told a friend before coming to this forum "sometimes the best revenge is being happy and wishing happiness on others." Came here and got validated. It's kinda weird, the few times I've broken NC (the ex-P,mind you,hasn't communicated with me at all since '00),it's been to say "I'm HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY." Guess it was the equivalent of garlic, holy water, and a crucifix.

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