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Preparing for divorce - advice please

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#1 Dec 28 - 10PM
You lie
You lie's picture

Preparing for divorce - advice please

Does anyone have ANY advice for me on dealing with the divorce and what to expect with the Narc? He went from promising to not fight me on it to hiring a lawyer. We meet in 3 weeks with our lawyers to see if we can work it out or if we will be going to court.

I have been a stay at home mom for 7 yrs. married for 19. He is bitter about providing for us and maintaining the lifestyle we are use to. He left without a word and moved in with the OW. his only personal expense is his car. Our insurance is still together and I pay that along with all the bills and house payment each month.

I'm dreading even facing him that day. How can anyone just dump their family then act angry about providing for them?

Dec 29 - 7AM
Joy2me
Joy2me's picture

Divorce

Boy there is just so much to tell you but not enough time or room to write it all! When I got divorced I was just beginning to find out about NP and Psychopathy stuff, I still had not put it all together. Plus I had been married to this A-hold for 12 years so some learned behavior was still working in me. For example I still felt guilty about thinking about myself first! However, the one thing I wish someone would have tried to tell me is Put yourself first, think about your survival first. Don't worry one second about him, he will have ow in no time and he will have a second income helping him and you will not. You will very very soon not be a "couple" anymore so don't think like one during the divorce. Put yourself first! Protect yourself as best as the laws allow in your state. He will try to undermine everything that he agreed to in the divorce. For example my ex actually agreed to pay child support beyond our daughters 18th birthday, he agreed to give me a certain percentage of his retirement. In the state I live in you can have child support payments taken from the paying spouse's paycheck and then the money is forwarded to you. To save him the embarrassment he said he would pay me directly, I agreed because? well I was still not strong enough to disagree with him. Anyway, went well for a little bit that is until him moved in the ow to our house and then payments began to come late or whenever he felt like paying. I took care of that by submitting everything to our local court house and they now take the payments for me. The retirement, he took a loan out against it so it froze everything and I almost couldn't get the money that was granted to me. Property that was granted to me, that also took forever to get the deeds to the property from him. I had to hire an attry, took a little while but I got it all. The one think my narc psycho ex did was, when he and i talked he was UGLY to me. When we were dealing with attry's or judges he was as nice as could be, he acted like he was trying to be compliant. It was sickening to watch and to this day I still don't know how to react to that fake show of his. I just say nothing because I end up looking like the crazy one, the one that is "still" angry. The best way to deal with it was to go NC. I have been NC now for one whole wonderful year. Joy2me
Dec 29 - 6AM
Pumpkin
Pumpkin's picture

Divorce

Get the best lawyer you can find, ask around. With a narc you can expect the unexpected. In other words they will lie their faces off to try to weasel out of any type of trouble. You'll soon find out what type of man you were really married to. The best way to get through it is NC. You don't need your head to be filled with more lies and that's exactly what he'll do to try to get out of his financial responsibility. He'll make alot of promises, none of which he'll keep. Good luck!

Pumpkin

Dec 31 - 2AM (Reply to #2)
You lie
You lie's picture

Thank you ladies........he

Thank you ladies........he has already broken promises about what he said he would pay for - have a feeling there is more of that to come. I am NC now so I am hoping that will help with all the mind games. Praying for a good outcome and for it to be over so I can move on with MY life :) Thanks again!