Predictable

This time of year always makes me feel rubbish. 2 years ago on the 24th October, I finally got the courage up to tell the narc to leave and he did but then he played this horrific cat and mouse game with me until 3rd december when the final d&d came and I fell apart. Obviously then I was no good for supply anymore, as I was a mess and he started the smear campaign and I didn't hear from him until the first Hoover in January on the eve of his birthday which I ignored. It sent me spinning, I nearly went back but then I googled and found this amazing site and started journey back to me again.
I have followed every step. I went NC completely. I messed up a few times by using my best friends facebook to look at his page and each time it would affect my whole day, my mood, my appetite, everything. Photos of him within weeks with ow in his arms in a hot tub drinking champagne !!! All staged... Just awful.
I recognised the connection between even slight contact and the pain it caused and so I stopped that. Totally. I have been completely nc for a long time now.
I am presently studying, and have been for a while, for my accountancy qualifications. It's quite tough to balance with working and looking after three children , especially a moody teenager but I do it and I quite like it really. I took myself off Facebook a few months ago for a few reasons, one because I was fed up of the pretend wonderful lives everyone portrays with perfect kids , in perfect homes with perfect partners and also instead of studying , I would find myself flicking through people's photos and pages ... Anything to put off the studying at times .... I needed to get focused.
Within a week or so of my coming off fb , I was called into my boss's office. We were talking about work and then he started talking about the narc (my boss is narcs accountant) . The narc had been in for an unnecessary meeting on my day off apparently . I immediately said that I don't want to even hear his name . My boss nodded and just said, I hear you are not on fb anymore and that is good because certain people like exes can stalk you and know everything about you and it bothers them when they can't see what's going on anymore.

Ahhh I thought, that's the reason he has come in. To see if I'm still there. That evening I was sat studying at the kitchen table and I'm staring out the window and there he is. The narc going passed in his car. I've not laid eyes on this guy for about 18 months.

I felt nothing. They are so predictable. I live in a little village with one street far away from the nearest town so he has specifically made the journey just to check that I am still there!!!

I actually laughed. What a sad little man to live a life like that. I just carried on studying and yesterday I passed my latest exam so no spinning for me anymore.

The freedom this site, along with therapy and very understanding friends, has brought me, is amazing. Nc is the only way to find it. I know it hurts so much and we want them to hurt and we question ourselves and feel jealous of the ow at first but that passes but only if we look after ourselves properly.
Sending lots of love and support to everyone here who has had anything to do with these disordered lunatics.

Keep strong
Xx