Positives

I have come to the realization we will not be together in the future, and I am in the process of accepting that it is in my best interest that it will not. I have realized and accepted the possibility of him being a disordered personality. This is all I can come up with right now because I am very sad. It will get better, I know.

My old friends who withdrew because of my NH are back in my life and I'm loving it. I know exactly what I deserve as a human being. I will never let anyone abuse or disrespect me ever again. I am enjoying my children and grandchildren and my siblings! I am not lonely although I am not in a relationship I am actually enjoying my freedom. I now know that my life was always filled with drama and I am enjoying the peace! I look better and feel better! I best friend told me last night that I look happy! (was miserable 5 months ago and looked it! I deserve to be happy ! I deserve respect. I am stronger than I ever imagined. I am loving life again!

Positives for me are: 1. I'm learning red flags to watch out for in future relationship (instant relationships, too strong attractions, feeling that he's too good to be true). 2. I'm learning to trust my own instincts again. My instincts about my relationship with xnh were correct. I should have paid attention to them. 3. By using NC, I've learned that I do NOT have to tolerate other's lack of boundaries and controlling behaviors. I can just not have ANY relationship with these people, if I choose not to. *I *choose this, not the other person. 4. It is not acceptable to me, and I will no tolerate, other people calling me nasty names, telling me how I "should" think and feel, pointing out every one of my short-comings defined by only them, and telling what a horrible person "everyone else" thinks I am. In addition I do not have to accept another person throwing things at me, grabbing me so hard they leave bruises, threatening to beat me up, or telling me they wish I'd go away and die. 5. I am not alone, and I am not the only person dealing with the pain from being in a relationship with a disordered person. The support from this site has truly been a godsend for me. 6. My health has improved so much since being away from the toxic stress of living with xnh and his hideous P daughter. I'm taking better care of myself now that I have for years and years. My health problems are healing, and/or are greatly reduced. 7. My family and friends are so supportive and overall my relationships are now very positive. I feel accepted for just being me, and the relationships in my life are rewarding to me. They do NOT cause me huge buckets of pain like the one I had with xnh. 8. I'm learning more and more about myself each day. I used to be very independent and self-sufficient. Overall, I'm usually a pretty contented person. You know what? Now that I'm away from xnh and no longer being torn down by his controlling behavior, I'm a very independent, self-sufficient person still. I'm contented and happy again. I may be 16 years older than I was when I first met xnh, but I'm not even close to being either beaten or dead yet. lol. My life is not even nearly over. There IS happiness and life for me in the future. :) ______________________________________________________ God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Following instinct is a positive thing, when someone show you who they are the first time, believe them, only good things can come out of not accepting less than acceptable, respectful behavior, it shows you have respect for yourself as well, for me it does. I can't fix people, I am a Nurse, empathetic, I now sit back and allow others to help themselves, it's for the best both ways, not enabling and knowing when something/someone is bigger than I, I am not a miracle worker. Paying more attention to my own needs now, my own health, likes, dislikes, taking better care of me. I am fine being alone as well, it's been peaceful, I am forgiving myself, and N and moving on, I am more alert to others behaviors, manipulations, ejected the users, abusers, don't need them to need me, I can make a difference to a perfect stranger and still feel great, there is such a thing as love, mutual respect on positive terms between two people on their terms, that's a great thing, it will happen if meant to be in due time, great post, thanks so much. stay~strong

1. It helped me to realise that my partner and I were taking each other for granted in some areas and that our relationship needed some tweaks. 2. Ironically, because I felt he was so sexy, it boosted my confidence in myself. 3. As a result of him leaving me, and me still left wondering if I should have left my partner, it made me have a quick discreet look around to see what was out there, and the attention I got also helped me to realise I was more attractive than I thought, and regarded as a lot more confident than I felt. 4. As part of (3) I figured out that there was nothing out there that was massively better than my partner, and that helped me to realise that I had been seeing Narc Boy in fantasy terms rather than reality. I remember my therapist saying that it sounded like I'd decided that since there was no longer a prince, I would settle for the frogs - and I said that it was more that there never WAS a prince and that it was only in comparison that the rest looked like frogs. 5. The mental sparring with Narc Boy helped me to learn how devious some people can be, and helped me to see through lies more easily (although he used to say I was seeing things that weren't there - except it turned out I was seeing exactly what WAS there). 6. It helped me to realise that in certain areas of my life I needed to make more effort instead of expecting exciting things to just happen.

1. Waking up today and feeling like going for a run for the first time in 2 months. 2. Realizing that I no longer want to say all the things that I would say to him if I had the chance. It won't get through and he doesnt deserve a piece of my mind. 3. I have an awesome network to help me get through this. He has no one because he is so ashamed of what he's done. 4. The feeling of wanting to know what he is doing all the time are going away. I'm more concerned with what I'm doing. 5. I don't want a guy right now! I'm more concerned with going out with the girls and just having fun. 6. I don't care what him or anyone else for that matter think of me or say about me. I love me and that's all that matters. I love you girls! Stay strong!

This is a great idea to help us focus on the good that has come out of this crazy world instead of all bad. I didn't think I'd be able to pull anything positive out of this hell but I have decided to start focusing on the good and quit dwelling on the horrible. 1. This forum is the best thing to come out of the craziness yet. I have never met such loving, smart, STRONG women in my life. It have never felt so comfortable being 100 percent completely honest because NOBODY judges me! Nobody looks down on me for my mistakes. They pick me back up and put me back on the right path when I screw up! 2. My eyes are wide open now. I believe if I ever run across another psycho Narc I will know to RUN as fast as I can. 3. I'm beginning to understand that what has happened to me is not my fault. I'm still working on this one but I am realizing I was manipulated, my goodness was taken advantage of, and I was a victim of abuse. 4. I'm not as naive as I use to be about people in general. 5. I'm spending more quality time with the people in my life that care about ME and not what they can get out of me. 6. I've learned that my "Prince Charming" is fake and none of the things I fell in love with was real. Whatever comes out of his mouth is a LIE and he says anything to gain power for his agenda. These are just a few things that I'm focusing on to keep me from dwelling on all the bad. It's hard not to in the stage that I'm in now but thinking positive makes me feel stronger. Love you all for helping me get here! Sara

This is a great idea! 1. My BS meter is back in full force. I have no patience for people who dish out crap. 2. I KNOW the things that make me happy and am relieved not to be questioned/heckled at every turn. 3. I am OK being alone and, in fact, enjoy it quite a bit, especially because a lot of my friends are having major midlife relationship issues right now, for some reason. 4. I know that whoever I am extremely attracted to is NOT the right person for me. I heard Dr Drew talking about this in a radio interview - If you've been attracted to an N in the past and you find someone again who you are extremely attracted to, chances are they are probably an N and you should avoid them. I have not yet come to terms with a life with a milk toast sort of man. 5. I have NEVER even come close to taking this good care of myself. It's been amazing! 40# so far and I can freaking run, for God's sake. Never thought I would/could do that. 6. I have the most amazing family ever. 7. The people I have chosen to be in my life are truly great people. 8. I've edited out those who really never gave a crap. So, so much more, but that's a good helping...

I have learn to be less controlling,not that I was anything like the Narc, but had some control issues, to lighten up, enjoy the people in my life no matter, and value my friendships even more than I already did. I learned new interests through the man I never would have thought about. i have always been a an empathetic person. I learn now to really listen to what people say and trust my gut when it tries to tell me something and that if someone comes on too strong, watch out!and most important to WALK AWAY when someone mistreats me in any way, shape or form, and not think I can FIX them, only MYSELF.