Please stop me

You know in your heart what you need to do.

I know it is hard not to spy and to stop with wanting to know what he or she is now doing. But it serves no purpose for you! The game is now about you! It is time to focus on you and you only. Don't give him ammunition to later throw in your face, if he by chance finds out you have been snooping in his email he will tell anyone and everyone that you are the crazy one. Not worth the effort! Take that energy and focus on YOU! I have been quoting this phrase alot lately because this is how I have decided to see my ex narc/psychopath ex husband. Remember, The Terminator? Well he is like the Terminator in the old Arnold Schwarzenegger movie: "Listen! And understand! That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with! It can't be reasoned with! It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!"....Kyle Reese, The Terminator, 1984 You need to follow NC to the T! What does NO CONTACT mean? It means: 1. NO DIRECT, or active, communication with the narc/psychopath: be it in the form of emails, letters, phone calls, texting, Facebook posts, or seeing him in person. 2. It also means NO INDIRECT, or passive, communication either: don’t read his emails, don’t look at his Facebook, don’t read his texts, don’t seek or listen to information about him through any intermediaries, don’t google him to find out what he’s up to lately. Any contact direct or indirect will only prolong your healing. Joy2me

Exactttly what I needed to read today. Many THANKS for posting adoette. I too have been snooping...and I will work very very very hard from this moment on...to Resist that sick urge to Know what all NH is romanticaaly saying to OW...GOD.. finding all that has hurt me too deeply..maybe I was much better off Before i walked into his email untraceably...HE is having a grand time;SHE is having a grand time...only ...pathetic ME is mopping up the ashes of our marriage and weeping.. I want to particularly mention this by Used : REMEMBER THE SAYING....SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND....IT DOESNT MEAN YOU WILL LIKE WHAT YOU FIND...DONT DO IT..DONT DO IT..DONT DO IT, AND I AM 100% SURE YOU WON'T LIKE WHAT YOU FIND OUT...SO THERE...YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD..LOL shall put in in a word doc and read every hour. I have noticed that since Feb this year my self esteeem has plummetted to below the most abyssmal level.. this is not the way for me to be.. I SHALL PRACTICE INDIFFERENCE... AT LEAST START TRYING TO

I have my dignity back...because I finally stopped checking about 5 weeks ago...and my dignity matters- it builds me up after I was so demolished by his sick and heartless ways. and when I checked, it would be a huge huge gamble- the news could devastate me. haven't I already been devastated enough? Hell yes.... I do not need any more proof of the kind of man he is...I know with full certainty- that he is poison to me and always will be. I do not need to know a single thing about him- where he is, who he is with,what he is saying about me- NOTHING MATTERS EXCEPT MY SELF WORTH. and I take it back every moment, every day, every week that I do not check...No more checking... You can do this sweetie. We can all do this!

I can relate well to the urge to look. We can tell you not to, but it is up to you to understand in your heart that you really DON'T need to know the answers you would be seeking. No good comes from snooping unless you still need proof he's a blob... but it sounds like you don't need that proof anymore and seeing it again (or not seeing it), WILL hurt you, regardless. There comes a time in healing, when choosing our own sanity, dignity and the peace inside that comes from no longer doubting what we already know, is WAY more important to us. I remember when I made the choice to resist the urge for good - it was hard, but I wanted to stop caring more than I wanted to find out anything anymore that would keep me in the loop. It simply feels better NOT knowing what he's up to and eventually the urge to find out fades. Hope that helps...

You are so much smarter than that!! If you can't sit on your hands any longer, go knit a stocking for Santa! He's coming soon . . .

Don`t..please don`t. You`ve got far, and you`re doing great! I know how this curiosity is, and how many times didn`t it killed the cat! (us, in this case).. It only sets you back, please don`t. His only "weapon" against you, is your own curiosity, he KNOWS you want to know, he KNOWS that you are a caring loving person, who believes in the good nature of people. He COUNTS on that. They all do. Try to picture him as a shark, because that`s what he is. If you find yourself in water with a shark, you don`t try to find out whether maybe he`ll pass you by, you run..that`s the same way with cold hearted people. Ns get kind of predictable when you start to know "their manual" really..I have a few left in my list, and they have the same "charm texts", they probably learnt them early on, and keep using them. "Oh baby, that`s not the shape of my heart", that`s one of them. It`s funny, I answer in my head "NO, baby, you can`t have a shape of heart, because you don`t have a heart at all"! Just an inside joke for myself :-) But really...don`t. Try to keep busy, that`s what I`m telling myself all the time, even if I don`t make it all the time..NC is not easy. But it`s worth it, in the end. Time will tell.

Sit on your Damn hands!!! No good will come of it!! It's contact! If you want your heart in your stomach have at it! If it's something negative and hurts him ( which I hope it is ) News travels fast! Go for a walk! Hunter

Tough love? Got it. How humiliated will you be if you're wrong, he finds out you've been snooping in HIS email (which is a huge invasion of privacy), and tells people what a nosy stalking psycho you are? Even if he doesn't find out, what kind of a person checks someone else's email? Have some dignity. Leave his email alone. Leave his phone message alone. Delete it. The more time you spend worrying about what others are doing is less time you're spending on what YOU should be doing. Focus on your own life.

REMEMBER THE SAYING....SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND....IT DOESNT MEAN YOU WILL LIKE WHAT YOU FIND...DONT DO IT..DONT DO IT..DONT DO IT, AND I AM 100% SURE YOU WON'T LIKE WHAT YOU FIND OUT...SO THERE...YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD..LOL

"curiosity killed the cat..." I LOVE CATS!!! Who cares what the F the blob is emailing, doing, sending. I'll borrow a phrase from Hunter and say "It's all SCRAMBLED EGGS!" Scrambled eggs are bland and always the same, no matter what you've cooked up in your mind! The blob no longer exists in your world! WHO THE F CARES WHAT HE DOES??? Adoette, way to go walking away from the computer. YOU'RE A STRONG, SMART SURVIVOR!!! That's something to focus on! Hugs from (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT BUT I REFUSE TO GO DOWN!