Please help me....

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#1 Jul 11 - 6PM
SusieSwizzle
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Please help me....

Please just reassure me that he will do the same to her. IDK why Im feeling so much anxiety right now, but Im just so upset. He D&Dd me May 1st. Came back June 6th. He TOLD me he was ending it w/her. He didnt. I know it. July 5th I told him to fuck off bc he was pulling the same shit as before. I feel like hes chasing her. Like hes good to her. What does he see in a woman who is trampy fat and unemployed?!>!>! ITS KILLING ME RIGHT NOW..Please tell me that these men dont change. That hes not Mr Smitten and in love right now. I am feeling so much ANGER.

Jul 11 - 9PM
Erali
Erali's picture

He won't change for her.

He won't change for her. Reading this forum, these guys are actually incredibly predictable. Based on how similar the stories of all the people here are, I would say it's a safe bet that they will not change. These guys are clones of each other, and it's them not you, and she won't make him a better person.
Jul 11 - 9PM
Hunter
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Trampy fat and unemployed =

Trampy fat and unemployed = weak! Fresh meat, he destroy her! Hunter
Jul 11 - 9PM (Reply to #17)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Hunter

Been waiting for you to come on board tonight. Some pretty good topics tonight that could def use your spin on things!
Jul 11 - 7PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

They do not change! I was nc

They do not change! I was nc 15 years. He came back apologizing profusely telling me he was an asshole back then and that he was a much better person ba blah blah, he didn't change on bit in fact he just perfected his craft. He is much better at hiding his evilness. I wouldn't say he is being so good to her as you are imagining. Let's think about this. He was trying to get back together with you while he was with her. I think that pretty damn disrespectful. He can't be that crazy about her.
Jul 11 - 9PM (Reply to #15)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

15 years?

15 years? WTF! Lol
Jul 11 - 7PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

He treated her badly...

In front of ME!!! The ex-Psych prof flaunted his girlfriend in order to hurt my feelings (a friend of mine had died at the time)... but then he immediately treated her badly. He publicly abandoned her... in front of his colleagues. Some Ns would've quickly ushered her away from me, saying "she's crazy",at least attempted the Nice Guy act. He didn't. I've read here of Ns/Ps pulling the disappearing act on their significant others on dates... and the ex-P did it to HER. When I talked politely to her, he did the vanishing act. When the girlfriend realized he had up&left, she went running down the stairs after him. He didn't act affectionate with her. He didn't engage in PDAs with me;after all, I was a student. She was his GIRLFRIEND. He could've held her hand (at the least) or made out with her (at the most) The next day, he coldly referred to her as "Miss G--." As if she were a fellow professor or a student. I wanted to explode like Krakatoa. His attempt to make me feel he was treating her better than me was what my brother in-law would call EPIC FAIL. Not just fail. But EPIC FAIL. I was shocked. I guess seeing him treat her BETTER than me would've given me closure...and we all know how Ns/Ps don't like giving closure.
Jul 11 - 6PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

THESE MEN DON'T CHANGE!!!!

THESE MEN DON'T CHANGE!!!! This is hard, I know, and it will be hard for a while to come. You have to put your mind onto something else. Easier said then done, this I know as well. I think the secret to this whole thing is to educate yourself on the subject, concentrate on the REAL him, not the misconception the he sold to you, and remember all the terrible things he has done to you. As far as getting past the image of the OW and how his choice for replacement is breaking your heart.........she is nothing like you, she is unattractive, unemployed, etc......HE DOESN'T SEE HER, HE DOESNT SEE YOU.........HE SEES SUPPLY, PERIOD. And supply comes in all shapes, sizes, colors..........they are blind in the soul, which makes them blind to everything beautiful on this planet. We are simply objects to them. THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO REALIZE. IT'S AS CUT AND DRY AS THAT. NO MATTER HOW YOU SLICE IT, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU DO THE MATH, THE EQUATION IS THE SAME! Realize this.............we might as well be the bowling ball stuffed in the back of the closet. That my friend is the cold hard truth and the sooner you are able to wrap your head around it, the better off you will be............and your journey can truly begin. Keep up the hard work, it will pay off in the long run, this I can promise you. Smiles
Jul 11 - 7PM (Reply to #11)
CathyAust
CathyAust's picture

Thank you for - I needed to hear your message right now

I have printed it out and put it in my hand bag and read every day. I am too in immense pain from seeing ex N with new OW and buring up inside with the thoughts of him recreating the love and good times we had before he D&D me. I want him to suffer like I did for the rest of his life. How does one grow the mental streght to stop the thoughts? My mum say's it is like a muscle and with disciple it will grow every day i.e stop the thoughts. Pls tell me N's who abuse alcohol i.e start drinking at 10am on sat morning and booze through till 8pm on sunday have a problem? My N is very successful, very charming but a depressed runk behind doors and I gave him every part of me to try and help him stop - what if the new OW gets the benefit of that? My story is posted in detail under the blog " The other women ? a N's soul Mate". This web site is the most powerful resource I have ever found and I am greateful to all for sharing and caring. Much love to all from Australia xxx
Jul 11 - 7PM (Reply to #12)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

The Benefit?

Cathyaust.......The new OW will get the benefit of a man who drinks behind closed doors just like you did.......They DON'T change!!!!! For NO ONE!!!!! They are far too superior to believe they need to or should. It is just the way it is.......... Trust me when I tell you, the new OW will benefit EXACTLY as you did! EXACTLY!
Jul 16 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
SusieSwizzle
SusieSwizzle's picture

Thanks Everyone

I tend to go through about 20 mood swings per day. One minute Im numb, then OK, then angry, then anxious. I knew not to let him back.
Jul 11 - 6PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

What kept me focused...

Was remembering how the ex-Psych prof treated ME. Instead of reeling in envy over the ex-P having a butch girlfriend living with him, sharing his bed... I remembered how he had given me the silent treatment/smeared my name/publicly humiliated&lashed out at me. I remembered his behavior... towards ME. It didn't matter if his girlfriend was a Narc or not. It didn't matter if he was married to her or not. It didn't matter if he&his girlfriend were using artificial birth control or not (one of my friends brought this up, by then I DID NOT CARE) What mattered was his conduct... towards ME. And the thought of him treating his girlfriend (whom I respected) the same way he treated me SICKENED me. The final D&D was so painful the thought of her suffering that made me nauseous. I know it's none of my business, but there are times when I wonder if she's okay, has a career (she was a curator) She had kids with the ex-P. She MARRIED him. In her own way, unknowingly, she did me a FAVOR. Marrying the ex-P&having his babies would've been a mistake;God saved me from it, the girlfriend was my guardian angel.
Jul 11 - 6PM
Avid
Avid's picture

I felt the same..

I felt the same way thinking he was going to be so good and better to the ow he dumped me for. Well he dumped me in Feb. and I thought wow he must really love her, so he started emailing me in June and started texting late at night with litle flirty sexual conversation. We never got to see each other but he was calling and talking about what we used to do etc. I was stupid enough to fall for it and then out of the blue he says if we sleep together it would be with no strings attached this is man that I spent 12 yrs. with. So the point I am making is if they love the ow that much they would not be trying to come back for supply from any other person,and his response to that was he was just kidding because he was not going to act on it.
Jul 11 - 6PM
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

He will do the same to her,

He will do the same to her, and the next one and the next one and so on. It is who he is. He has no inner core to balance his crazy ass, so he flops all over the place hunting balance. He will never find it in another woman and its very doubtful he will look inward for it. He's a loose cannon with no aim, but to feed HIS needs. Repeat I deserve and want more than he has to offer. I am not half baked in the brain, therefore I can't be with a half baked asshole. I love myself and do not need his validation. I don't treat people like shit and I am not going to be with someone who does!! I say all this with love and hugs. Love yourself first! It is not being selfish.
Jul 11 - 6PM
Brooke1
Brooke1's picture

someone like that cannot be serious about another

This is my worst fear too.Up until just recently when i joined and came on here, i thought i was the only one who worried about this. No, theres no way that he's serious about her,or ever will be. Just the fact that he came back to you in early July and said he wanted to end it with her, even if that wasnt true, he wouldnt come and talk to you or say those words if he was truly serious about her. And the way he has treated you--shows his issues run deep.So theres no way these issues would be fixed so fast that he could just jump right into another relaionship right away and suddenly be a loving,decent guy. Believe me, i know this feeling so well! Its terrible.My N used to tell me about his first love, and how he wanted to die when she left him...but he sure doesnt seem to need me nearly that much. Its hard to swallow. Not to worry, he will fall on his face as surely as the sun rises and sets!
Jul 11 - 6PM
bakingfortherapy
bakingfortherapy's picture

DRB..

DRB stands for Dirty Rat Bastard. My term for N for the last couple years... Now a common term for any jerky guy. :)
Jul 11 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

I still have the narc in my contacts list...he's listed under...

Shithead Turd..makes me feel good.
Jul 11 - 6PM
bakingfortherapy
bakingfortherapy's picture

Reassure..

I can tell you this much I did back/ forth promises " I belong w u" heatwrenching bullshit fir 2 yrs!!!! He did treated me like a daisy - I love u, I love u not- but if he REALLY wanted to make it right he would have. He was just stringing me along for an option and supply. As far as him doing it to her it's probably only a matter of time. She is serving his purposes right now. Just as you worked in his life before. Maybe different reasons but maybe he wants a different thing right now. Please forgive me for bring harsh but these DRBs are that awful! But it's not really ab her. It's about him and his awful actions. And you taking care of you! I know it's hard not to be angry. The mess brings us through lots of emotions. Remember you deserve better!! Hang in there.
Jul 11 - 6PM
Gullable1
Gullable1's picture

Catch yourself

Come on back ! Let this go? Who gives a crap what woman it is? Your allowing aother woman to cloud your path to freedom. Break that down? He has another woman? Not a good man to peruse. Your making this sound like you would have been blessed if he stayed and chose you? Who wants a damn man that can't make up his mind? Are you worth more? Let this ish go. It's unhealthy, dwelling takes the focus on what at hand. (((((snapouttovit))))