Please help I can't remember

It's not your fault, this is what they "program" in women's minds, they shift things to where it's all your fault and you may even go in some sort of "Self-flaggelation" mode. After the narcissist, there's a need to "re-programm" your mind/psyche through counseling, help and support. Was he that bad? Sure, if he wasn't you wouldn't be coming to this website, here's the reminder for you. Allow me to be a bit blunt simply to make a point that will help you in getting out of the fuzzy feeling - People with good loving and healthy mates don't visit sites for victims of pathological narcissists, so this tells me - yes, this guy is that bad! The no contact rule, is to get you off his manipulative grip, and keep you safe. I would recommend that you visit other places, instead of the ones that you used to go as a family, to help yourself in not having to re-live moments/memories, visit other places, new places, there are so many, why put yourself through the pain of re-living things. I would say focus on your healing and your kids. I hope this helps.

I have moments, when I feel this way too. Sometimes, there are days, when I`m having fun being myself, and feeling free, laughing at small stuff and so. But I have days when these kind of thoughts invade my head as well, even though I try as much as possible, to stay away from "triggers" like radio, music we both like, movies, stuff, even fb and common friends. I get sometimes these urges to see what he is doing now, to see him saying something, anything. But then I remember to hang on to my healthy side, and come here, and read your posts, and be present. I read my old posts in those moments, to remind myself why I need to learn, from my mistakes, what made me go back to him..until it passes. They are not healthy or good for us, whatever they are, mind controlled, disordered, aliens, anything..what matters is that we had enough of the chaos, the pain, the confusion. The "good times" were merely a bait, to gain Power over our souls and minds. I too feel sometimes, that "well dude, maybe I crossed the lines", maybe the Devil isn`t as black as I painted him. But he is! I can`t stand to lose my soul again, and I can`t stand to lose "The One with the mask" again. As hard as it feel sometimes, we have to choose what is healthy for us. Stay strong and NC!

I think we all have memories like this of special occasions that seemed so perfect at the time. These memories are so strong they consume us and make it harder for us to see the truth. Rather than let these memories confuse you about why you don't have contact, allow them to have the reverse effect on you. These people create these "wonderful" memories deliberately as a way of gaining power and control. They do this to us on purpose to suck us in. It goes to show exactly how manipulative they really are. Let these "too good to be true" memories act as a constant reminder to you of exactly how destructive and dangerous this person is. xxx

A special place, or a special time, triggers magical moments when all felt good and right. Without trust nothing will ever be the same, so I accept the new reality. Spend today making a memory to cherish later, give the kids a new great memory to add to their joy. Don't be sad, be grateful that you are on holiday with them, and love them now for times passes much too quickly! ds

I have a friend who I call when I get that way. It's like the past is cloudy and I can't remember why I'm not with the N. She reminds me of just a few things and then I can start to finish her sentences. it works everytime. Why we do this, I don't know. I hope you can get clear. Maybe write everything down and look at it when you are feeling this way. Hugs to you

I think what you are experiencing is very common. It hurts. Especially when you are now faced to do certain things without him. But, this too will become the norm. Remember the things you don't miss about him. That will ensure a good time. Have fun! Love your new life. You are free!

There must be a reason why you are here! Hmmm let's see, cheating, verbal abuse, silent treatment, Pick one any one!!! Go have fun and enjoy a narc free time! Hunter

not joking, but, i too have been through such moments..and have asked myself ditto same questions...i have asked myself did i overreact during the grand expose of his ow#1 about a decade ago...and that wild and maniacal response from me turned him into the arms of this evil OW#5...the one who he adores with his very soul...what for i dont know. she is truly an evil one who is siphoning away his money and his sanity too. OW#1 was at least a good-ish woman. she was his colleague and i knew her too. she was/is married and was not really a threat to my marriage...but this present OW is a loose ended hooker who will marry him and then murder him once she has all his wealth. jelickuk, such days and thoughts are inevitable for each one of us at this forum. it hurts like crazy... and then we return here and read posts and get comforted. at least we receive genuine love and comforting here... we are not treated like dirt as our respective narc treated us. nobody here speaks any lie... HUGS dear girl...and lots of love from a faraway land.. today i am comforting you...tomorrow i would be needing your kind words to see me through yet another heart wrenching day