the physic thing again

ok so my day started off good until I started having so many thoughts, stemming from so many emotions I guess the biggest is just anger, so when I feel like this I call the physics to get advice and also to find out what my N doing and just her feelings overall, it just hurts that she never really cared and I was just being used to make her feel good, and to know she only returns when she is down and I fall for it every time thinking my love keeps her coming back. its been a week and two days since the last D&D with NC. I dont even miss her when I do think of sweet things it turns my stomach cause I realized it was a fake, im to the point the thought of being close with someone else bothers me, I never felt that way. but one thing the physic said that stuck out was to get the garbage out of my life before it ruins me, so with that im going to write my goodbye letter so she can stop living un my head.