Personality Changes in Me

I am just wondering if anyone on here after being exposed to living with a NARC developed and noted their own personality changes during the relationship.

To explain further: Prior to my relationship with the NARC I was outgoing, confident, witty and full of self-esteem. During my 4 year relationship and by the end of it I could not even recognize who I was in the mirror. I would cry all the time, I had no-self confidence and second guessed all my decisions. Family and co-workers noticed a huge change in my personality.

I was constantly on edge, started to take Ativan and a sleeping tablet to help me get through another day with him. Funny thing was that he would berate me for taking medication to cope and actually take it away from me accusing me of being addicted to it. I found out later he was using it himself.

Sex was all about him and at one point even told me that. I felt like a hooker or an object. While having sex he would close his eyes and go off into his world and I was just a vessel to reach his orgasm. After awhile I dreaded having sex with him. There usually was no foreplay; it was strictly business and get right to satisfying him.

By the end of the relationship I was verbally abusive to him, yelling and screaming obscenities at him. He would then tell me I was out of control and I was abusive. I began to feel like I was the abusive partner. I know that whoever that person was; it was not the real me. I am not abusive but somehow was pushed into being that horrible person I didn't recognize.

I have been separated for 3 months from him. In order for me to move on I had sent him an email of apology and asked him to forgive me for all the hurtful things I said. I have not heard back from him. It was something I needed to do in order to move forward and restore a sense of humanity back into my soul.

I have been blessed to have come out of that relationship relatively sane. Every day gets better without the NARC in my life.

I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.