perhaps a stupid question....

10 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jan 26 - 12AM
gaizon
gaizon's picture

perhaps a stupid question....

I was wondering about if there ever is a point where NC ceases to matter.

I've been religious about NC. Well over a year. No emails, no phone-calls, no FB interaction, no texting. Nothing. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been worth it. I rarely see him, and other that the first few months after we split, he has never tried to contact me. All his early attempts to contact me went unanswered.

All this said, I do, on occasion see him face to face. I am not seeking him out. But it does happen. Tonight, for example. I was nordic skiing. Notice his vehicle in the parking lot when I get there. Walk into the waxing room to put my ski boots on - there he is. I ignore him. He doesn't talk to me. But here's the thing - it feels kind of ridiculous at this point. I mean, i don't want a dialogue, a friendship, or a relationship....but after all this time - wouldn't a simple hello be better.....?

I've been walking the no contact line so long....I don't really know if there ever is a course correction to be made.

Thoughts.

Jan 27 - 12PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

If you leave a window open a

If you leave a window open a crack during a rainy day, rain will get inside and could cause damage. Same goes with NC. Too many people think, "what could be the harm"? I personally, am not interested in finding out first hand. I will assume it can't be good. If the weather channel is calling for rain, I keep my windows closed.
Jan 26 - 11PM
Winter
Winter's picture

Me too, I think it is dangerous

They are not normal people and do not deserve a normal treatement. Maybe it will not affect you at all, maybe it will. Who knows? The question is: why to take a risk? Why? With NC, your security belt, you are safe. I rather feel ridiculous than taking a risk to get back to the ovewhelming pain. Love Winter
Jan 26 - 11PM
Run4it
Run4it's picture

Helpful posts

This post is actually very helpful to me , 5 months out from D&D. I ignore and don't speak to the Narc when I encounter him around town. I think he has given up greeting me at this point, finally, as it is probably embarrassing for him to attempt and have me avert my eyes and pretend he does not exist in public in our small town where everyone knows one another. This is another light bulb moment though. What I am taking from this post and the responses is that NARC's NEVER
Jan 26 - 7AM
Used
Used's picture

gaizon

Funny enough, I had this thought yesterday, my thought was b/c I dont want to be back with him and dont even like him, doesa it matter anymore about silence... just to say, i also d/d....exff 19mnths ago, and tho I have seen her maybe 6 times, she has said hello and sometimes tried to converse, and I say hi, but if she tries to talk to much, I stand there tapping my foot as soon as she pauses...I go bye bye...and I wondered why I answer her and wont answer him...my conclusion was she means nothing to me, so I can put up with it... BACK TO YOUR QUESTION..... so I was telling someone he knows[a man]...and he said the MINUITE YOU SAY HI TO HI, HE WILL THING GREAT GAME ON...I JUST WILL TAKE IT SLOWER GETTING HER BACK.... So I said then why do I let exff talk and say hi..... she wants the friendship back[it was mainly phone calls]..... she will have relized this time she has to respect your bounderies AND SHE WILL..... BUT NARC MAN WILL WONT LEARN, COS.....DRUMROLL...HE IS A MAN!!!!!!!... AND B/C YOU WOULDNT LET IT B/C PHYSICAL....HE WILL NOW GO ALL OUT TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN, OTHERWISE HE WILL FEEL HE DIDNT WIN..... NARC has had sex with everyone of his women friends... thats who he is and thats what he does.....THATS HIS CONTROL AND POWER OVER YOU...EVEN IF YOU DONT GO NEAR HIM AFTER....HE HAS STILL HAS *HAD* YOU...NICE A!!!!!!!!!!!!...SO THE ANSWER IS *NO...WE CANNOT EVEN SAY HI TO THEM*
Jan 26 - 6AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

No CONTACT... He's CRAZY..

No CONTACT... He's CRAZY.. Noooooo... Saying Hello or anything is very dangerous .. That's how it starts .. Helllo.. Then a cup of coffe , then it starts all over again.. This guy showing up was a Hoover.. Don't kid yourself.. Hunter
Jan 26 - 2AM
midnight7
midnight7's picture

I agree with the responses so

I agree with the responses so far gaizon. Relationships with N's are abnormal so how one responds after it has ended has a different set of criteria to begin with. NC for well over a year is an amazing achievement, saying hello is not important nor necessary, and may cause you harm. You are an inspiration - looking forward to being more than 1 year NC - it must feel very good.
Jan 26 - 1AM
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

The problem with a "Hello" is

The problem with a "Hello" is the translation from your lips to his ears. "Hi" translates,"I never forgot you. Please take me back." He WILL respond either by loudly telling to PLEASE stop following him or by later calling you and telling you he was glad to see you too. Hello just doesn't MEAN hello.
Jan 26 - 2AM (Reply to #2)
Tigerlily
Tigerlily's picture

Yes, I agree.

To them, the simplest most innocuous interchange is supply. And supply means, hey, I still have a hook there I can use when all else fails. Yes, it`s ridiculous. But they make it ridiculous. Between normal people, a "hello" would be appropriate after a year. But they are not normal, gaizon, and don`t you ever forget that. Let the bastard rot in hell. Save your "hallos" for healthy people.
Jan 26 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
walking_on_sunshine
walking_on_sunshine's picture

supply

One month later, 1 year later, 10 years later...It opens the door for them to hoover ; and they will. The minute you say hello, you go back into the pool of supply and potential future supply.