Yesterday I went to the pawn shop to pawn the engagement ring XN gave me, was very hard to do, almost cried. But, why do I cry? WHY WHY WHY, I KNOW what he was, I know he didnt love me, or couldnt. I know the ring and what it stood for was a game. Why do I care so much? I tried to pawn the damn thing, and the guy at the shop said the diamond was defective. Great. XN SWORE it was a perfect diamond, he SAID even looked at it under a scope with the ring specialists to make sure he got the "perfect diamond for his perfect mate". RIGHT!!??! I am sure that was another "LIE". Needless to say, i couldnt pawn it, it was pretty worthless. Just as I feel worthless by him. Can this hole in my heart get any bigger?
At least the guy at the shop said, "dont worry about that guy, it was his "loss". That made me feel a lil better, for a moment . If its his "loss", why do I feel like I lost everything, and suffer endlessly?
I just want to crawl up in my bed today, and weep.