Pathological Fireguy's gf pic

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#1 Jan 27 - 4PM

angelgal

Pathological Fireguy's gf pic

I know I shouldn't have looked at her facebook page, but I did, and it just confirms even more that he had been seeing her for atleast two years plus! I'm having a hard time today because January 27th a year ago was the day that we had our first date. I just cannot believe he had this gf the whole time while talking/sleeping with me...its just so hard to face this reality. Now I know why he acted the way he did...wouldn't get close to me, kept telling me he didn't want to be in a relationship, used me, etc.etc...it all makes sense seeing this picture.

#2 Feb 8 - 5PM

The Girlfriend ...

From the Gf's Perspective

SO sorry you went through this...a year long relationship with this pathological loser...only to find he not only had a live-in GF...but another long distance GF as well...besides you. These guys are such sick bastards. Being the GF is definately NOT a better position...she just gets exposed to MORE lies, cheating and abuse...and perhaps in the end sustains MORE damage...things are not better for her either. She is ALSO being cheated on and lied to, while he is lying to YOU and others...and it hurts and it is just as devastating to the GF to discover the truth about what he is up to. By the time the OW gets involved with him, albeit unaware he has a GF...she can be sure that the GF has put up with so much from this psychopath. You were probably not his first OW that she suspected him of cheating with or found out about. Also, just when she is fairly certain he is lying and cheating, or even has actual proof and tries to leave him and dares to confront him...these guys are SO smooth and practiced at lying and deception/denial...she will be believing everything he says (with such false displays of absolute denial, or sometimes feigned 'remorse', and start to believe SHE is the one with the problem, and how awful for HIM that she is such an 'untrustung' GF,...I mean, after all...he's such a 'decent, charming fella'...such a 'great guy'...and "she had better stop 'accusing him' of lying and cheating"...(which of course he wouldn't do,and NEVER has done)..(yeah right!)...or he "is going to have to cut her mistrustful drama-queen self out of his life because she keeps 'thinking he is cheating and doesn't believe him" (so it's HER fault)...and "move on to a better relationship with a GF who will trust him completely and 'never question him'. By the time he gets done CON-vincing his GF of his honesty & faithfulness and commitment....the GF is thinking it must all be her and that he is right..."she is the one with all the problems"...eventually the day does come when she discovers the absolute truth...that SHE was right all along...he lied and cheated throughout their relationship...he will STILL find a way to blame HER...because after all, she didn't trust him and she 'accused him' of it...so he might as well go ahead and cheat...how could she blame HIM? SICK!!!! It is just SO devastating. If I had known about each of my Pathological EXbf's OW...knew who they were (their names) I would have found a way to let them know that he had a GF...and what a abusive creeep he really was... I wish the OW would have let me know what he was doing when they found out he had a GF at home living with him and not believed his lies when he said whatever it took for them to be convinced that I didn't mean anything to him...or that our relationship was not good. At the time...it would have been news to me!

#3 Jan 30 - 3PM

angelgal

He would say he didn't intentionally try to hurt me...

YET!!!!!!! He knew he had a long distance gf the whole time he was talking and sleeping with me, YET he said he wasn't "ready to be in a relationship", BUT the truth was he was in ALREADY on one and lying about it from the start!!! How is that not intentional? He knew that he was lying and playing games and using me, right? So, thats intentional in my book...yet, he is a "good guy", as he would put it...

#4 Jan 30 - 3PM (Reply to #28)

angelgal

Right after he said he was a good guy...

That he was a "good guy" he said that he believed and I quote him "I know its messed up but blowjobs aren't considered cheating in my mind"!! Does that make him a Narcissist or just a dirtbag guy? OR both?

#5 Jan 30 - 3PM (Reply to #29)

Barbara (not verified)

angelgal

BOTH!!!and worse ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#6 Jan 30 - 5PM (Reply to #30)

angelgal

And worse, for sure..

When we were at lunch on our first date, I asked him about past relationships...first RED flag, he said that he was with a girl for three years and she lived with him for 1.5yrs...but the last eight months of the relationship, he knew he didn't want to be with her anymore...that he knew she wasn't the one and didn't see it going anywhere... but didn't know how to tell her? He let that poor girl live with him, sleep with him, have sex with him, do the laundry, have dinner with him etc.etc. day after day FOR 8 MONTHS, knowing he didn't want to be with her anymore!! Living a lie, and being so phony to her face for 8 MONTHS!! Letting her think that things were good between them! He said he finally told her, and of course, she was very devastated, she cried, got angry, then moved out and they NEVER spoke again. I was sooo disturbed by this and I told myself to RUN and NEVER look back and WISH I had! He never even called to check on her or make sure she was ok after kicking her out? I just found this story to be beyond heartless and cruel and to keep her living there all that time knowing his TRUE feelings, just disturbed me even more. He told me he met the long distance gf through a co-worker while still with his live in...I'm sure she was his motivation for dumping his live in gf!

#7 Jan 30 - 3PM (Reply to #27)

Barbara (not verified)

bullsh*t!

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/09/03/hurting-you-isnt-something-narcissists-do-accident ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#8 Jan 28 - 3PM

rache

angelgal

I had a visit with my shrink last night(7:30) who see's a lot of narcissists in his practice,and,he told me,that,EVEN IF-i were with mine 24/7 doing everything for HIM(that he wants) imagineable that he would still be checking out/and or trying to seduce other women,AND,nothing would change it.A NARCISSIST is a NARCISSIST is a NARCISSIST.Its the nature of their psychology.This shrink stays very busy.He also said that most narcissist carry on several relationships at a time!

#9 Feb 8 - 5PM (Reply to #24)

itreallyisabouthim

I'm surprised

he "sees" Narcissists! They must be getting dragged in.

#10 Feb 8 - 6PM (Reply to #25)

rache

Surprised

He had this one couple- the boyfriend brought the girlfriend in!LMAO-the boyfriend was the narcissist and was trying to argue it was okay for him to date other women but he didnt want the girlfriend to date and he was blaming her,lol....he used that situation to make a point that narcissists think they do no wrong and they will always want to cheat and see nothing wrong with it.

#11 Feb 8 - 5PM (Reply to #22)

The Girlfriend ...

How True!

Boy is this never more true. No matter how lovely, loving and adorable you are...no matter if you look like 'Miss Universe' and a 'Playboy Bunny' too...no matter if you greet him every single night with a sweet smile, a glass of wine, his favorite dinner, a perfect house, and the most adorable healthy well mannered children, and all the affection and sex a man could recieve from anyone...he will STILL always be looking for more validation and attention. No matter what. It is definately not YOU. And there is nothing you can do or BE that can keep him faithful or make him not lie and cheat.

#12 Feb 8 - 6PM (Reply to #23)

rache

You can say that again

GIRLFRIEND! my psychologist said if i looked like jessica simpson and as young he'd still cheat,and,there would always be a woman out there who'd fall for him-and-he's 66! You're never TOO old OR too UGLY if you're a NARCISSIST!

#13 Jan 28 - 3PM (Reply to #17)

angelgal

Rache

I think you found a great counselor with much valuable experience/knowledge with Narcissists! That was some very interesting information! I guess mine thought that having his long distance gf and seeing me on the side was justified cause of his sick Narcissist ways! Did he say where this comes from??

#14 Jan 30 - 12PM (Reply to #21)

rache

angelgal

He echo's what Barbara says here.There is no known cure for these guys,as,according to him-they like who they are,refuse to believe there is anything wrong,do not WANT To change.I think its the DO NOT WANT TO.according to a romanian psychiatrist i had the pleasure of meeting during a brief hospital stay right after divorce-therapy only makes narcissists worse as it teaches them to more effectively manipulate others(using psychology against us).My counselor says he personally feels that at a very early age-narcissist chose to love only themselves and to not CARE about anyone or anything else but them.They made a conscious choice to choose to want to do evil.A choice they stuck with and refused to give up,as,they liked it etc.....

#15 Jan 28 - 8PM (Reply to #18)

Barbara (not verified)

angelgal

Did he say where this comes from THEIR PERMANENT PATHOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!! they are not human their brains are literally different and they do NOT care they are sick sick sick sick ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#16 Jan 28 - 8PM (Reply to #19)

angelgal

Barbara he always use to say...

That he had a different "mindset" than me, isn't that the freakin truth? LOL When I was upset at one point, I told him I didn't know how he could sleep at night or look at himself in the mirror? His reply, "I will sleep fine tonight and every night, this will not bother me". NOTHING bothered him! He once said that he thought he was the way he was because his parents didn't show him a lot of affection growing up. I told him that my parents didn't hug me all the time and say how much they loved me daily and I turned out with a good heart, he had no answer.

#17 Jan 28 - 8PM (Reply to #20)

Barbara (not verified)

mindset

yeah, brain imaging studies show their brains are different he has a different BRAIN from a real HUMAN BEING even. never listen to their words "listen" to their deeds ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#18 Jan 27 - 7PM

JordansMom

Hi Angelgal-just wanted you

Hi Angelgal-just wanted you to know I'm exactly where you are. I don't understand it either. Mine was a fireguy, we ended a year ago and he bought a house with girl a couple doors down from my house. They drive by my house slow, I guess to make sure I see them. How shitty is that! I have a son with mine so when I call him, I get the pleasure of hearing her call ME a "narcissist" and a "crazy-chick" in the background. It's very painful and lonely. There are so many people claiming it will get better so I have to believe eventually it won't hurt anymore. Just wanted to know you're not alone. There is someone else somewhere feeling the same pain you are and wondering if it will ever end.

#19 Jan 28 - 8PM (Reply to #14)

angelgal

JordansMom

Hi sweet girl, thanks for replying to my post. Its comforting to know that I'm not alone but it saddens me to know that there are sooooooo many sick men out there like the two fireguy's we met hurting good, innocent women! What you said is exactly how I feel, "will the pain ever end"? Because right now it sure doesn't seem like it. Its all so clear now, that I was just someone to use and he really thinks he didn't do anything wrong? Its crazy! He really believes that as long as it was "only sex"...no feelings, spending lots of time with me, what he did wasn't wrong. He told me that "he is a good guy"...the scary thing is he truly truly believes it! He said that blow jobs aren't cheating in his mind! I said, "good guys think that"? He replied, "I know its messed up, but its how I think about it". He admitted that he knew it was messed up..but yet, still believed it to be ok. I must tell you when he said this, I was speechless, I wish someone could've taken a picture of the look on my face after he said that...because I know I had the most dumbfounded look. The sick thing is, after we would have relations, he would always want me to hurry up and leave afterward...it makes me so sick that he would treat me or ANYONE this way! I guess he figured since he had the long distance gf it was justified by getting me to leave right after! I was so blind and kept believing that he was this way because he didn't want to be in a relationship...and that if I was patient and we took things slow, he would open up to me eventually...boy, was I fooled! She was in the picture all along. To use me, while having her, makes me even more sick...cause he would do stuff with me, then when she would come into town, he would do things with her. Its disgusting...there were two times where we had condom issues and he pulled them off and we were unprotected. I got checked and everything is fine, thank, God, but to have unprotected sex with me while with someone else just makes me more sick. I'm nowhere near where I need to be, but I am getting there slowly thanks to this forum and people like you and all the other wonderful women here! I am still pretty down on myself and at the stage of "I wasn't good enough as a girlfriend, but was good enough to be his whore"...I know he is a bad person...no good guy would lie, cheat, deceive and use me for one second and this is what I keep telling myself..but I have setbacks, like yesterday and I see him once or twice a week some weeks, because we belong to the same gym. I stopped going to the gym for a few months...but my counselor said that I need to "regain control and start to go again". Its hard. Your story blew me away! I am so sorry you have to live so close to these two loser's! WOW! I really feel for you, I don't know how you are doing it! I thought living three blocks from mine was bad. Your fireguy's gf doesn't know what she is headed for! How dare her call you such names!! You are the mother of his child, she has no respect and sounds like a real winner herself. It amazes me how these women think they are so "special" and that they will never be treated badly by them, but they will see someday and be very sorry they ever met them, just like we are NOW! The girl that is with my fireguy moved from her hometown, 7hrs away to be with him, left her family, friends and whole life for this psychopath...and she knows about me...my cousin contacted her because she wanted to save her some heartache before moving her whole life for him...she told her everything...and she still chose to move here anyway, so to me, she condones her boyfriend's lying and using a woman...its really sad. It bothers me that she thinks she is better than me and she thinks its ok that he used another girl AND behind her back. I'm sure he twisted it all around and blamed me...but my cousin gave her details/dates etc..so she knew that she was telling her the truth about him. Unfortunately, these girls have to find out the hard way. I only WISH WISH WISH someone would've warned me about him!!! I would love to talk with you more...the support is really helpful! Please let me know and I can give you my personal email. Hang in there! Hugs!

#20 Jan 30 - 10PM (Reply to #15)

rache

Yes!

My N is very VINDICTIVE.He always says you hurt me,i hurt YOU,but,you do not have to do anything to bring about their RAGES-sometimes just breathe.I think these N'S need someone to dump on and their steady supply is always right there.When we are gone-guess what?That makes someone else the dumpster for their garbage.

#21 Jan 28 - 6AM (Reply to #13)

Ellen

Jordansmum

Hi, All i can say is that if i was with a man who was talking to the mother of his children on the phone i would not be calling out 'crazy chick' or 'narcissist' so what does that say about her level of communication and ability to be respectful to others. It's derogatory and your ex if he wasn't a narc himself would not tolerate anyone talking about that about you let alone when you can hear it. That says a lot about him too. Not very respectable people are they well we already know one of them is close to satan if he is a narc and the other one should start looking for God fast before she knows what you know. I wonder what the next nw will call her on the phone. I hope it will be stong, empathetic tolerant woman.

#22 Jan 27 - 6PM

Carolyn

Barbara has a good point.

Barbara has a good point. You are a fine person and he is a nut. She is being used and abused and what's up with the picture of the niece-that sounds a bit weird. You can have a lot of fun in life you deserve that. You ran into a jerk, a predator, a loser, and an abuser. Remember users and abusers are always losers. Here is a meditation that helps when you get curious or thinking thoughts of this guy try reading this. I am now freed from all resentment or attachment toward or from emotional pain, people, places, or things of the past or present. I manifest my true people, I am receiving all the unlimited health that the universe has for me now, and I am blessed with the true prosperity and riches that the universe is sending to me now. Some affirmations that go along with the meditation are: I deeply accept myself and remain open to new possibilities I am worthy of true love and affection I am confident of my personal powers I have good fortune and peace within I release the past, I did not know then what I know now I hold serentity within me and I look ahead in my life My focus is on my life ahead. There are great times coming -just around the corner. He and the GF, and the niece are just some old part of your past. It is all about you not him.

#23 Jan 27 - 4PM

angelgal

The funny thing

The funny thing is, she only puts pics up of the two of them, he NEVER has. He only puts his own pic on his profile or of him and his neice...just goes to show he still wants to hide his relationship for some reason!

#24 Feb 8 - 3PM (Reply to #10)

Lily

Hi Angelgal, do you and the

Hi Angelgal, do you and the "N" fireguy happen to live in Florida? I dated a man in the fire service in FL and the similarities you describe, including the photo of him and his neice on a public website, are eerie.

#25 Jan 27 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

4joys4

The reason he does that is

The reason he does that is because he is a predator and is trying to hook in other women!

#26 Jan 30 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

rache

Right on 4joys4

Thats a BIG sign he is making himself available to one and all-narcissists are by their pathology cheaters/liars

#27 Jan 27 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

angelgal

4joys4

I never really thought about his reasoning for no pic of the two of them on his page...or why he kept his relationship status private? Until now, DUH! I'm such a fool! Like you said, he wouldn't be able to play other women if he didn't hide his true life!

#28 Jan 27 - 4PM

Barbara (not verified)

NO CONTACT

why are you doing this to yourself??? how's therapy going? ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#29 Jan 27 - 4PM (Reply to #3)

4joys4

It's hard to face reality?

It's hard to face reality? Yeah, I remember being where you are now. I had to keep asking Barbara if there really were men out there who did this. (remember, Barbara?) My mind could not grasp the whole concept. Evil men were only in films. No one intends to hurt others, do they? But I hung in there. I kept reading here, asking questions, getting as much support as I could. One day something clicked in my brain. It took many months. My mind became clear. I saw him for who he was. I learned what a narc was and he was it! You will come to this too if you do your work. You won't care as much as you do today. Reality will come in. I used to keep checking his Facebook and who he was friends with..lol. I did searches online to see what he was up to next. Like you, my focus was on him, not myself. This is how he trained me, so it makes perfect sense that after d&d, I would continue it. I guess I just started getting more interested in me.

#30 Jan 27 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

Barbara (not verified)

4joys4

I remember and I kept putting my shoe up your ******* until you got it. ;) ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#31 Jan 27 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

4joys4

Barbara

I know, I know! LOL How grateful I am for that shoe ;)

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