The Path Backward

Hi all...I have been coming here for a while now...reading, learning, thank you. I won't go into detail about our whirlwind meeting, or how it unfolded, and ended...we all know the story and I was so grateful to find this site where I never have to feel misunderstood, or alone. I wish I would have come here hours ago...this is what I've done...several months ago I finally cut him off, blocked, deleted, changed my number. I have been in counselling and it is truly helping me to have insight, to understand the whys, and the foundation of my attraction to the beast. My psychotherapist actually GETS it, she knows how the narc operates and how the vortex keeps spinning. So, armed with all of my newfound self-awareness and knowledge I go ahead and do it anyway. Well, this morning I am home alone. And I let myself go THERE---back to the black space he occupies. All the mindfulness in the world didn't stop me--I created a new FB account and sent him a message. Now I am waiting for the reply. I already know how it's going to go, my crystal ball is all shined up. Ugh. I hate myself right now. I know eventually I will be done with this. But right now, I hate it. Thanks for the space to vent...yours in the search for self-love ~~P