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OW not happy

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#1 May 29 - 6AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

OW not happy

Thought this might be of interest. I left my N exactly one year ago. Four months later a new woman moved into the house I still owned with N. I didn't care because I was so finished with him & his abuse. But, like everybody else, I wondered if he treated her better?

Nope. OW contacted me last week! Two months ago she ran out of the house at 2 a.m. in PJs & sneakers, handbag & car keys. He didn't follow because he was only wearing a tiny t-shirt. Chased her all over the house, blocked her in rooms, but she managed to get out.

N changed the locks immediately. Any clothes she wears now have been purchased since that night. He's trying to keep her furniture. For two months she tried to get him to let her take her possessions. Last week she went with professional movers & a police officer. Still, he prevented the move. The cop advised RO. Now she has an RO out against him & there are criminal complaints for assault & battery, as well as, threats.

WOW! Maybe this OW is going to take him down a peg or two. I wonder if he regrets not letting her take her possessions & clothes? Probably not. But, HE did not make the OW happy. And, obviously, he was not happy with OW.

May 29 - 7PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Reality check

After my D&D (and finding out my ex-N already had a fiancee,a woman who moved from LA to the Southwest to be with him),a friend of mine gave me the ultimate reality check. She said, "You were his student. He treated you terribly. What makes you think he'll treat her better than you?" It gave me a whole new perspective. My friend also gave me the mantra of "Don't be jealous." It's like the test on dates to see if a man treats the servers/waitresses well. If a man is rude to a waitress and disrespects her, what makes one think he'll treat his girlfriend any better? Or as my friend put it, if my ex-N treated me (a former student) badly, what would make me think he'd treat his girlfriend better? His shabby treatment of me was,as they say,a pattern for future behavior.
May 29 - 3PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

agnesmurphy17 - proof of this!

http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/03/18/other-woman-now-hes-happy-her ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 29 - 8AM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

This is what I like to hear

Agnes, this is what we need to hear. Everything you said in your post reinforces everything that is said here on this board: The OW or NW is NOT being treated better than we were, at least not for the long haul. Sure she is treated better at first or she wouldn't be there. Just like we were treated better at first too. I feel bad for her and I'm sure you do too, for what she is going through. But while you are feeling for her and her situation, you also have to get a little satisfaction knowing you were right about him, and it makes you stronger to stay away if and when he contacts you again. Also, it sounds (like is always said here) that he seems to be getting worse as time goes on. More reinforcement of what is said by Barbara and others that we should listen to! This makes me wonder if we (their previous victims) have conditioned them in a way to not work as hard or as long to keep the mask on. I mean if they were with us long term and they had to hide nothing or so little anymore, is it harder for them to move that far back up the "niceness" scale to get or keep someone new? That with every conquest they feel so much more superior that they don't work as hard as the last one and can let more of the real them show sooner? Is this part of why they get worse as time goes on?
May 29 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Ms Vulcan

You said exsactly what i was thinking . Take my narc , last summer after the 3rd d&d he met a girl for a few weeks and that mask was straight off with her , she proberly had one week of full charm and then the d&d happened with her , his head was so big after that i wondered how he fitted through the door ! They do get werst as they get older and mine was only 29 at the time , lord save the women he comes across , dont you just want to scream from the roof tops about them . A word of warning though after my narc d&d this girl he was straight back hovering me again .. watch out ! Scoop x
May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

Same here

After my first d&d I heard that he tried to go back to his exgirlfriend before me. When she finally said "go away you crazy person!" then he was hovering me again. The second d&d just happened and he has been hanging out with a lot of high school girls (he is 21). I recently heard that one of them slapped him away when he tried to get with her! I am so glad that some people were smarter than I was!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

May 29 - 8AM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

When I left my N I spoke to

When I left my N I spoke to his ex wife. Not suprisingly I found that he follows a distinct pattern of abuse in all his relationships. My N is deathly fearfull of being alone yet he drives everyone to include his own son away in time. My N had an OW within 3 days of me leaving. I don't think he is still with her cuz she is only 16 and the cops are involved. I heard their is someone new. A nurse. another good target for him.. I'm sure he is laying on the charm good for her now but all good things alwalys come to an end with Ns. They are never happy, never setteled, start looking for faults in their partners, get bored and act out, then eventually busted. Nothing is or ever will be quite good enough for them. Funny mine tried to keep my things the first time I Left too. He will just move to another supply. Number 101. Be prepared for more phone calls from other women in the future

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)