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The OW is blind

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#1 Jan 15 - 9PM
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

The OW is blind

From having friends within the same inner-circle, I heard that what my exN said about our relationship was told in half-truth. Duh right?! When this friend told the OW the REAL truth, she said, "not interested in what you have to say". I began to think...well, maybe he is different with this girl and it is truly a great relationship. Maybe when she divorced her husband and immediately married the exN 6 months later, they were truly, truly perfect for one another. Here it is going on 2 yrs from when he met her, going on their 1 yr anniversary (he started a "friendship" with her while with me) that he did find his perfect match. Maybe he isn't depressed, irritated, emotionally abusive, not going to lie and cheat with her as he did with me (and others in his past). But, maybe it'll take a little longer for it to snap for her. People in the circle gave it less than a yr for this marriage. Here it is one month away from their first yr together as husband and wife. I just find it sad that even with the truth, she is living in denial. And i get that. her entire world will be turned upside down. Another failed marriage before she turns 30. Even when she is told that where they moved to, he and I were there 2 yrs prior thinking about buying a home right after our engagement. We were engaged 1 yr prior to their engagement. I guess she is just as sick and unstable as he.

Ever had the OW totally ignore the flags? I guess that is why he married her. He does no wrong in her eyes. I guess I feel jilted out of that life or that "husband" he is being...with her. I dont know how it truly is like in their marriage. These friends told her that the places he has taken her or done with her, is the same thing he did with me. It is like a repeat but with her now. She just said, he married her, he chose her and it doesn't matter that he takes her and does the same thing he has done with me or other women. I know it bothered me that when he took me house shopping, we did end up in neighborhoods his ex's lived in. Or took me to new restaurants, he was there recently with OW I later found out. I found this to be disgusting. And I found out that her wedding band is pretty damn close to the one he picked out for me. Doesn't this seem weird to others?

I can see why she would say this. The friends liked me better and I've pulled away from all but one did tell me tonight what gets said to her and I think to let me know they tried to show her the light and put him in the bad light. They are all pulling away from him too now. They just dont like him as a person.

I guess, hopefully like many here, you want to hear that he hasn't changed. That he will treat her like crap as he did with you. Maybe one day IF it does fall apart, she'll remember what she said.

Jan 16 - 11AM
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

let Karmaa take its course

I don't know what kind of person the ow is but he will definitely experience karma at it's worse but he's probably use to it. No one who is reaching a year anniversary, seemingly happy or at least pretending to be want to hear the "truth" don't forget these guys rob your spirit snd rape your soul, she's fully brainwashed no doubt, for all you know could be living in pure hell, either way don't waste your time/life worrying about it, he's moved on, she's a non-issue, your life is what matters most, when are you going to be happy? not waiting for that marriage to come crashing down I hope, work on and worry about your well being, best wishes. stay~striving

stay~strong

Jan 16 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

Happiness can be fleating

I ask myself the same question at times on when I am going to be happy. Happiness has been coming and going for me. It went when I heard of them moving to the new town. i was happy that he will not be doing his drive-by's anymore so easily. I felt a huge lift knowing i can go to places in town and in the city they were living without the fear of running into them. His son lives 15 min away from me now so, he will be around a few times a month still. I do work on me by joining new groups and making new friends. I have something scheduled every weekend for a month so far. I spend time at the gym, with family, and working on my career. I do my reading on Narcs and other subjects. I am glad I dodged the bullet but sometimes, wanting to be that fly on the wall and see things for myself, knowing his marriage failed, would give gratification. I know that is not being a good Christian either. What gets me, I can still hear his sister telling me a yr ago, now I know it was right after he and the wife moved in together after 4 months of dating and him knowing she and I were still talking (he knew i would get the message), he "wanted me to find happiness and that he did love me deeply". I do know it was his way of erasing guilt, to make his family think "awww. he wants her to be happy. he's a good guy. he's trying to be kind to her" and make them accept the new girl more willingly. I didn't have any problems being happy after my 4 yr marriage over 10 yrs ago. But, this Narc was the first guy I gave my heart and soul to after 7 yrs of hiatus. This has been harder to bounce back from and find my happiness again. It comes and goes. Things still trigger the unhappiness.
Jan 16 - 3AM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

She will see it eventually

He will pull all the same crap, she will deny it in the beginning, his twisted lies will make of that, and he will live a life of deceit.. However eventually she will get a clue, and it is gonna be hell for her. Just be glad you can see the light, and aren't taking any more of his evil. I was in the same boat, the OW has it worse....
Jan 16 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

She does have it worse

From talking to this friend, I've been told some inside info tonight. which I will say, "Karma...I love you." What has been told is what I pretty much suspected. I was not sure when they started to date. It was 4-5 months before he proposed, and 6-7 months when they got married. Talk about whirlwind romance! And the OW, has royally screwed her ex-hubby financially. And during this move to another town, she told him after the fact. AND...here is the best part, my exN is out of work...again. Back in 2/10 right after their marriage, he quits teaching. He went into the journeyman program and of course with this economy, lost his job. They think he got another one but South hence the move closer to HIS new employment. But, she was supporting him and she hasn't been nice either with the ex. Changing visitation without notice or less than 3 days. Wanting more money when he isn't making more money. And the ex-hubby feels he is being replaced with the exN family in Spokane. I dont blame him one bit! But, from what I heard, she is nasty. And this is what the exN son's mother does to him. So if this is all true, he just married a mean, destructive (what he called me) woman that is acting and doing things to men/fathers he totally despises. So yes, Karma is working and she does have it worse. Dealing with a depressed, angry, unemployed Narc. How wonderful that is for her. While I sit in my own home I own, I make more than she will ever in her life time, and do not have to deal with his shit.
Jan 16 - 12AM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I was gonna say she's as

I was gonna say she's as blind as we all were. I ignored the red flags. The OW is just another sister who might not know it yet :(
Jan 15 - 11PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

You cant blame her. He's

You cant blame her. He's blowing smoke up her ass just like he did yours. Years ago when mine left me for another girl that worked with us she confronted me and said why cant you just let him go? My response was you know nothing about he and I. You can have him. He's using you. Trust me not that I want him to but he'll be back. He always comes back to me and guess what? he did not only did he want to come back but he drove her car over to my house to tell me that he wanted us to try to work things out that he missed me and yes once he got the job in her department that he wanted she was history and guess now 15 years later he's back again. I dont hate her anymore. I see on fb now that shes happily married. I want so bad to email her jokingly and say remember what I told you all those years ago about how he always comes back to me? well believe or not he did. I want to say it not in a gloating in your face way but in a funny OMG can you even believe it way.