Overwhelming sadness after 7 mo NC

Not sure what's up today, but I stepped outside to look at my backyard and was overcome with tremendous sadness... It's the little things that set me off. Like looking at the grass that he helped me grow (renting the machine to fix the ground, and spending a whole weekend working on the yard together), and seeing how nice it looks two years later. And the fence that he built in my backyard. I know he probably did these things to increase the value of the home that he wanted me to sell, and then I disappointed him by refusing to sell it. But today, after 7 months of NC, I miss him terribly. And I'm anticipating hearing that he's engaged to the new girl. Maybe it's because I'm lonely, stressed about work, thinking about the New Year and how I pray that things will be different this year, better, healthier. I'm just tired of trying to hold it all together. Is it a good sign that the grief is finally overtaking the anger? I'm so sick of thinking about him. Thanks for letting me share.