Outta my mind...

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 8 - 12PM

neva-again

Outta my mind...

I have been struggling ...I have been receiving emails from him, I did really good for a while and didnt open them, but finally caved in, curiousity got the better of me I guess. They were all telling me he was sorry for leaving me , he missed me and loved me and Blah freeking blah...I purely hate this man and for what he did to my heart. He knew from the beignning that I was cautious giving my heart as I had been thru a physically abusive relationship in the past. None of the physical abuse ever hurt as much as his emotional and mental abuse did. He will never be in my lifer ever again. I guess I'm glad I read the emails because I saw a glimmer of pain he might be feeling and that is so satisfying. My problem is .. thoughts of him keep popping into my head and I want that to stop...any ideas???? I want this prick outta my head.

#2 Dec 10 - 6PM

Susan32

Good for blocking him

That's the perfect way to stay NC, so he'll never intrude again. Now, because of the lack of closure, yes, one will naturally think about him. But he can no longer mess with you because you've gone NC. It doesn't matter what he thinks of getting blocked. He might find it satisfying, in a twisted way. It's about getting your healthy and sanity back, and getting YOURSELF back.

#3 Dec 8 - 11PM

Journey

Hi Neva, stay strong with NC!

Hi Neva, stay strong with NC! These thoughts that are popping into your head are normal to be experiencing. It's happened to all of us, but the intensity will pass if you stay away from Narcville!

Journey on...

#4 Dec 8 - 11PM

Done sourcing

If he is a narc the glimmer

If he is a narc the glimmer of pain would have to do with him either wanting supply again from you...or maybe he thinks if he displays pain you will come back, get back in the dance, so he can do it all over again. Pain like you and I feel, sorry, they are not built that way. ds

#5 Dec 8 - 2PM

Sparrow

Neva, that "glimmer of

Neva, that "glimmer of pain"...........it isn't real. None of it is. And you will see that for certain in time. Best to not open pandora's box. Just continue to delete as you have been, as hard as it is at times to do. I received an email today from mine, I deleted it and than went into my "recently deleted" file and deleted it again. It's gone for good. I have absolutely no interest in knowing what he has to say, or what he is thinking or feeling. I would just assume be pen-pals with Charles Manson. The strength you have, will falter at times. That is to be expected. It is a long journey, but one very much worth taking! Stay strong!Try not to give in to temptation!

#6 Dec 8 - 1PM

blueworld

write a list

for me when i was pining for him and "missing him" gag i wrote a list and i reread it everytime there are over forty items on this list that he has done to me i also encourage you to read this http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2011/12/04/10step-pledge-be-free-psychos

#7 Dec 8 - 3PM

Im_always_fine

What I did (when I wasn't

What I did (when I wasn't thinking about him)was to deliberately decide in advance,"What would I rather think about than him. What is the best way for me to spend valuable creative mind time?" I decided the best way for me to use my mind was to think about what my life would like if I were to achieve my highest vision for myself....who would be...how I would live...I fantasize in detail about me living and working in my dream life. THEN everyday I take at LEAST one step no matter how minute towards supporting that vision. It might be just goggling my favorite style of house(dream house) So I can imagine the house I'll live in. So now when I recognize that I'm obsessing on him I deliberately STOP and force my mind onto the pre-chosen topic...creating my life. Sometimes I have to say sternly out loud, "NO! YOU AREN'T WELCOME IN MY MIND!" But I find it such a break and relief to NOT think of him when he's not around.

#8 Dec 8 - 10PM (Reply to #9)

neva-again

I have caught myself

yelling out loud ..."get out of my brain"..."You do not deserve me"..."I will not let you in my thoughts anymore GET OUT!!" " I derserve Better" It seems to help...til the next time and maybe the more I do it the time span will get longer each time.

#9 Dec 8 - 1PM

walking_on_sunshine

His new supply probably

His new supply probably didn't work out. What Ive been doing, and it seems to work very well is what spinning mentioned. I say it outload but I say it with a physical gesture of reinforcement Example: I say " I do not deserve abuse" and I shake my head back and forth and then I say " I deserve a kind decent man" and I nod my head up and down. You can do the same thing with no contact... Say - " No,I will not contact this man",(and shake your head for no) and "Yes,I am going to recover from this" ( and nod your head for yes I read a study recently that confirmed that physical gestures such a nodding help to validate thoughts. So far it seems to be working.

#10 Dec 8 - 10PM (Reply to #7)

neva-again

This is a great method

I am going to try this all the time..so far it seems to work...Thank you...

#11 Dec 8 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

spinning

Wow, walking and I'm_ always...

this is so neat! It is so great to see these kinds of thoughtful, helpful posts! What great tips in both of your responses. I learn something new here every day. I love this and know these tips will be most valued. The support here and the strength found in those who are walking the walk and truly want to heal and move on to the life they deserve is amazing. It saved me! I love seeing this! It is inspiring! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION!

spinning

#12 Dec 8 - 12PM

Hunter

First , he feels no pain..

First , he feels no pain.. None.. He's manipulating you to feel the pain.. Please read and understand this emotional abuser.. Both physical and emotional abuse causes pain.. Delete,Delete,Delete Hunter

#13 Dec 8 - 10PM (Reply to #4)

neva-again

YOU ARE SOOOO RIGHT!!!I

YOU ARE SOOOO RIGHT!!!I BLOCKED HIS NEW EMAIL ADDRESS...I AM SO DONE!!!

#14 Dec 8 - 12PM

spinning

NA, first you must resist

with all your might reading the e-mails. That is a form of contact and contact = pain. Contact = confusion. Contact = self-doubt. Block him. His words mean nothing and just send you "spinning" with cognitive dissonance thoughts. PLEASE BLOCK HIM. The more COMPLETE NO CONTACT you have under your belt, the smaller he gets in your mind and the more he fades into dust. This is the absolute truth. You have to give TOTAL NC a chance. A tip I used in the early days of NC was when he would come into my head I would say outloud (if I was home) 'GET OUT. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.' or 'THERE IS NO ROOM FOR YOU IN MY LIFE. GET OUT!' If I wasn't home alone or if I was at work or wherever, I'd say that silently to myself. It made me feel like I was taking control over my own thoughts and mind...which indeed I was. It takes practice but if you keep doing it it becomes automatic and pretty soon the thoughts are less and less. I hope this helps some, NA. Stay strong. Stay NO CONTACT COMPLETELY. His "scrambled eggs" words will just scramble your brain. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE ME

spinning

#15 Dec 8 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

neva-again

I have now blocked his email

I have now blocked his email address, he was sneaky and used a new email address that I was not aware of. I am so pissed at my self because I was doing so good with NC ..it had been 3 months, sure the thoughts popped in and out now and then but now cus I read his stupid crapload he is in my brain again.grrrrr. Everyone on here has given me so many good suggestions which I will practice...this has just gotta stop...Its like a trojan worm computer virus slowly eating at me. But I am determined to stay strong, that is why I have deactivated my facebook because I'm sure he was stalking me on there. It was also too tempting for me and I wanted to keep my NC promise to myself. Everything that came out of his mouth was all lies every bit of it. I have stopped running over those RED flags once and for all. Neva AGAIN!!! Thank all of you on here for your support and words of encouragement, without I would have been pretty lost. I am floored that so many of us intelligent women have fallen prey to these Narc bastards..be we all have such kinds hearts and they came in for the kill. I pray we all find healing... we are blessed we made it this far..I will continue on my journey of healing ...NC is the only way for sure to get there.

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