opinions please

In the break-up stage the contacts are usually crazy. Did you try the, "have you gained weight" line when he sends you photos of himself? If you need to, for legal reasons, you might want to save the e-mails and tell him that you are recording his phone calls. radio shack has an in- expensive, voice activated tape recorder that you attach a donut shaped device to your phone and it records. I think in many states you have to inform the caller that you are recording them. Maybe telling him he has a larger audience and that many of his conversations seem ok to him but are not ok to the rest of the world-he might slow down the contacts. There is nothing you do positive or negative that can control what he says, does, or thinks. He is a crazy maker. Lisa's No Contact Rule is the best.

Yes he is a N. I would tell him that you think it is great that he wants you to never contact him again, and that you agree with him 100% about no contact. From that point on, I would totally cut him off. Just an idea you may want to try. I started writing a journal. Everyday I would comment about how I felt each day. What I found was that the days that I had no contact, I would feel much better. The days I had any contact, I would find myself in that obsessive mode, and feel terrible. Let him think what he wants to think of you. You have no control over that. Don't contact him and spend each day doing something enjoyable. ANything that makes you feel good about you, and takes your mind away from them. I know it seems impossible, but it is good to stop obsessing about them. I no longer carry around my cell phone. I only check email once in the morning and once at night. I write in my journal in the morning and before I go to bed, and then I try to busy myself the rest of the time with my hobbies, families, friends, children, anything that brings joy. Just one month ago, I never thought this was possible. The proccess is a long one, but you will get through it. He will never understand. He will always manipulate. Space from him is the best healing tool.

Yes, he sounds like a raging narcissist. Stay strong and avoid contact as much as possible! Big Hugs, Lisa

It's one big game to them, and I decided I don't have the time for games in my life anymore. Hopefully these scenarios have convinced you further that it's hurtful and maddening trying to deal with a narc, as if he was a normal human being. I started asking myself, why do I feel the need to respond to him? Intimidation? (you're away from him, no more of that) To keep the peace? (ditto) Because I miss and feel sorry for him (missing them to some degree will be present for a while, but you're missing the 'good' fake representation of a man, and you feel sorry for someone who has no empathy for you, or is capable of being a loving caring person). Think about why you feel the need to respond. Then do whatever necessary not to. It's all about control for him, in this case...he got you emotionally involved again, then turned around and 'discarded' you. Victory for him, he feels he's in control. And it's only hurtful to look at his FB or My Space, or whatever. To start healing, you have to distance yourself. Good luck!

Finallydone: My girlfriend had a parrot who would be very naughty and nasty (he would BITE my friend). The reason? The parrot wanted attention. ANY kind of attention would do. If you looked at the parrot or spoke to the parrot, that would suffice. However, when the parrot wasn't satisfied and was particularly naughty (biting with the 240 lbs. of pressure that parrots can produce), my friend would put him in the bathtub. When the parrot was in the bathtub, he couldn't claw his way out or fly (wings clipped) his way out and he'd have to have a "time out". BUT, as soon as the "time out" was over (say, a couple of hours), he'd be right back to demanding attention.....and back to biting if neccessary. My take on this is: your N is biting you and he's willing to do whatever it takes to get your attention. (My past N's all had "cancer" after I left them....and then they'd all "get saved by Jesus" (because they knew how much I loved God). It was ridiculous. DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME. In the end, you will end up being the one who's left hurting and devastated. PLEASE understand what's going on here. That little boy wants his beautiful girl (you) to pay attention. You were able to give him what he wanted before so why not now? Why not? Because you're done. You do not have to play this game anymore. You have a life to live and have things that are way more important to attend to than his ego. Whenever he is trying to entice you, just ignore it. UNLESS the communication he is making has ANYTHING to do with something important....i.e. children's needs or a financial settlement, IGNORE it. DO NOT FEED THE ANIMAL. Yes, he's a Narcissist....to answer your question. He's demanding you pay attention to him like he's a five year old and that you HAVE TO cater to his need to be praised, looked at, paid attention to. DON'T FALL FOR THIS AGAIN. Please realize that you deserve better and please don't keep taking the bait he's setting out for you. By the way, my girlfriend had to give the parrot away....he was never going to ever be able to be around people.

Yes, that is pure narcissist. Let's see, I will try to get her to pay attention to me likes 5- year-old, any attention is ok, good, bad, whatever. Then I will repeatedly call, email, and text to tell her not to contact me. Sounds familiar! They must have the last word, must have your attention, must be noticed!! My h finally quit calling & leaving screaming, nasty messages on my phone when I told him that : A. I had an answering MACHINE, not voicemail, and that the kids and whoever else was around could hear his tirades. B. I played his crazy messages when my friends were over and we all laughed at him. C. I was going to take all of his nasty messages, emails, and texts to the prosecuting attorney and file harassment charges. I also QUIT ANSWERING MY PHONE when he called. I gave up my landline and only have a cell phone now. I don't respond to his emails. All I respond to are texts if they pertain to custody issues, and those are rare. I also take my sweet time to respond. This infuriates him, which means it works. He doesn't call me AT ALL. When I started all this no- contact, we were in the process of selling our house. He was a complete pita (pain in the a**) about the whole thing. Since he couldn't call and harass an bully me, he harassed our realtor, the closing agent at the title company, the seller's agent, AND the seller.? WTF? Our realtor had his number and stood up to him, but he still called her 5x a day. He charmed the ladies at the title company, on the phone, but then pestered them so much that they got their attorney involved in the closing . I arranged to sign first, so I wouldn't have to be on the same room with him, and when he found this out, he hour the roof! Not sure why, but he went to the closing the next morning, threw a huge temper tantrum in front of everyone there, refused to sign, and left. He did come back and sign later, but barely. My point in telling you this is that It JUST DOESNT MATTER! Whatever you say or do won't work because you are not dealingg with a rational adult. How many people do you know who throw public fits at real estate closings? He totally showed his a** in public. The people involved were calling me and saying, omg, how did you live with this crazy person?