One step forward two steps back

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#1 Feb 9 - 8AM
Maggster
Maggster's picture

One step forward two steps back

I am still NC- but I am a mess again. I was awake all night- my mind racing all over the place....hating myself for missing him, feeling like a failure, wanting him, crying like a baby. I hate this!

Feb 10 - 9AM
janemarie
janemarie's picture

The only person who can help

The only person who can help you is YOU....sounds so easy but I know it's not... We have all been where you are right now...but you have to do something to help yourself.... I read Lisa's book 3 times...did her steps...stuck to the NC...this all helps...You have to start taking charge...you will have moments of sadness, but then after them you have to pick yourself up and take charge...it's the only way:( xoxo
Feb 10 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I'm sorry you are

I'm sorry you are struggleing.. You've made a decision now you must follow thru and complete this mission... You must put a plan together... Are you working the steps? What have you been doing to move forward? Hunter
Feb 10 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
Maggster
Maggster's picture

I'm determined

but so so sad and depressed. Yesterday was a tough day, I couldn't get him out of my head no matter what. At one point, I cried myself to sleep like a sad, small child and there he was again in my dreams. No fucking reprieve! I have my appointment with my therapist this afternoon and am actually looking forward to it. I continue to read a lot now about CD and am trusting all of you that I have to feel the pain to move forward. I desperately want my freedom back. I signed up for a class I have wanted to take forever. I'm scared to death but I'm trying... Thanks, M.
Feb 9 - 11AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I alway reference the game

I alway reference the game "Chutes and Ladders" when I see someone taking one step forward and two steps back. It is a terrible feeling, a dissapointment, just when you think you are doing great. Just remember, you ARE doing great! This is just all part of the process. Some days are going to be good, others bad.......it's when you can start to see where you are having less and less bad days and more better days. It takes time. Be kind to yourself on the bad days. Don't push yourself too hard, sometimes that can back fire on you as well. Be patient and continue to work towards your goals, slowly. Stay strong!
Feb 9 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
Maggster
Maggster's picture

Sparrow

Hi Sparrow- Thanks for your support. Your words are always powerful but your approach is lovely which is especially helpful when I'm feeling so overwhelmed. Just wanted to let you know. M.
Feb 9 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
Maggster
Maggster's picture

Thanks

Thanks for your kind words. I always hated that game! I wish I could hibernate for the rest of the winter and wake up without all the damn confusion!!!
Feb 9 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

You are welcome!

You are welcome! Hibernating and waking up to everything being over, being that easy......would be a dream come true, so we think. BUT, what would we have learned throughout our journey if we took the easy route? Nothing.....and than this would continue, as a vicious cycle. My brother always gives me a hard time when I vacation, becasue I fly to most of by destinations. He believes it's a waste, because by doing so, we miss everything in between and there is so much to see, to experience, and learn about. Just like our journey. You will see. :) Stay strong my friend. I promise you, it does get easier in time. It is a necessary journey, don't give up!
Feb 9 - 8AM
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Maggster

No you are not alone, dont try to do too much..give your emotions chance to catch up with your mind. I want you to think about a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is : You can be your true selves with each other. You feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts, fears, and emotions with each other. You rarely lie to each other, but you also refrain from being brutally honest. You give each other space and/or “Me time.” You make it through rough times as a couple without splitting up. You agree (or genuinely agree to disagree) on financial matters. You treat each other the way you would like to be treated, not necessarily the way you feel you’re being treated at the moment. You and your mate completely deal with your problems, refusing to leave them unresolved until resentments form. You forgive each other for mistakes. You don’t tell each other what you should or shouldn’t think/feel. You both listen without interrupting. You respect each others’ privacy. You speak each others’ Love Language, even if it’s different from your own. You willingly make sacrifices for each other. You share mutual interests and activities. You respect each others’ individuality and make the most of your differences. You act as each others’ backbone, providing loving support without guilt. You share spiritual beliefs or a spiritual connection. You show sensitivity to each others’ needs. You discuss and negotiate instead of fighting. Each partner takes responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings. There is mutual trust and dedication. You have a strong friendship. In addition to loving each other, you genuinely like each other. You don’t judge or force your opinions on each other. You take quality time to nurture your relationship. Both partners maintains his/her own set of boundaries and respects the boundaries of the other. You are both attentive to the needs of yourself and the other. You enjoy physical contact (hugs, kisses, cuddling, sex) together. You show appreciation for each other. Hardship, uncertainty, and disagreements are accepted as a part of life. You communicate openly and meaningfully with each other. There is equal power between you and your mate. You keep your expectations of each other in check. You genuinely apologize to one another when feelings are hurt. You and your mate speak up assertively instead of expecting the other to read minds. You both eliminate passive aggressive behavior (ignoring, silent treatment, eye rolling, stomping, hanging up the phone) as much as possible. You have a strong sense of interdependence (mutual responsibility) to each other rather than dependence or co-dependence. You avoid going to bed mad. You CAN live without each other, but you choose each other over every alternative choice. log.self-improvement-saga.com/2010/08/40-signs-youre-in-a-healthy-relationship/ (source) Out of 40, how many did you really have with the N..be honest with yourself? Would you really want to settle? Was it really a healthy relationship? If you can tick very few on the list you can be sure you are craving the fantasy, not the reality. To try and speed up the getting rid of cog diss one approach is to have a piece of paper, split it into two..on one side write down all beliefs feelings about what you would like to be true..ie the fantasy man. On the other side against each point the reality with evidence if you have it. Keep reading/adding/referring.