One on one

I'm close to 5 weeks NC. The only contact being on court and I would not look at him. No contact period not even by proxy!!!!

I have my days where I still have mainly fear and worry, and second guessing myself . Wondering if I was to harsh ect. But I get passed those days and feel good about my decision again.

We have been to restraining order court 3 times. His lawyer could not make it yesterday so it was yet again post poned until July 16. Not very smart on his part because not only do I have 3 weeks of peace but he has to continue to pay all the bills. I have been saving money for weeks to have enough to cover everything but now can just keep saving .

I'm annoyed at this whole process. I want complete freedom and I feel that with him still paying the bills, and the restraining order still not permanent he is in control.

He has a new house that of course is about 2 blocks from my house so I do see him driving quite often.

I'm also 11 weeks pregnant so some days my heart thinks what is he misses us.... Or is he sad about not being here for me . Then I wake up and think he's a narcissist and he doesn't think that way . So I guess 5 weeks out I'm getting better but still have a long way to go.

I won't give up this time on me. I give up on the fantasy. When you are done you will know.