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one month later...

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#1 May 22 - 1PM
hryan77
hryan77's picture

one month later...

Well tonight marks 1 month since I left my N after I found out about more lies and another girl...i confronted him and he hung up on me and text me to say it's over it's done and basically blaming me. I left...have heard from him here and there about getting my stuff out of our house. He had someone staying there right after I left.
I went NC for 15 days then had to break it when he told him mom not to get involved so I had to deal with him. Left whatever was still in the house there...it wasn't worth the fighting or having to deal with him. Tomorrow night will mark 2 weeks of NC...I have heard from him, most of which was meant to provoke me. Hoping it will stop...Friday it was about how he cancelled my gym membership, like I cared. I won't ever go there again. He has his ex wife to provoke (and does), he has an OW/NS...not sure why he needs to provoke me, it's not working. The sad thing is when I do hear from him, it just makes me feel more validated and stronger...I still obsess about the new OW being "it", that since last I knew he started therapy he'll change...I know it's a process.
My diet and workouts have been so off since I left...guess it was a month long pity party. I did need to gain the weight...I'm 5'9 and had stopped down to 105 due to stress...now my goal is to maintain 115 and get back in the shape I know I can.

My therapist is concerned he'll at some point play the i need you card, I need help...not sure if he will. She's worried it will work and I'll cave. Most of my friends say he'll never really go away...that he'll never find what I gave him, did for him and his kids, and whatever...that he hasn't moved on and isn't happy if he still has to provoke me. I know I'll never cave...NC gives me strength. Part of me doesn't want him to stop trying to start shit...because i feel like it helps me. I know that isn't healthy though.

May 22 - 1PM
mynewlife2011
mynewlife2011's picture

I can relate

Yes, it is a form of validation for us when they are goveling, or even initiating a provocation when we now have our control back and maintaining NC. Why do we care what they write, text, say, or even think. I have been to therapy with my EXNH and he didn't change. He went on "best behavior" for a period of time (5 months I think.) Narcs are very disingenuous. Who knows what he is telling the OW - and why should we care. They are ill, they cannot be cured. Best I can tell you is that hopefully with time, we will care less and less and won't even open the emails. Be thankful you don't have kids with your Ex Narc. I do, and so I am forced to open emails. Do NOT break NC, when you initiate NC you are in the drivers seat. Stay in the drivers seat. I saw a funny bumper sticker on my way to church this morning. It read, "The bus leaves in 5 minutes. Be under it." When you keep NC you literally throw your ExN and all of his issues, ramblings, etc under the bus. That's where he belongs..keep him there
May 22 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
hryan77
hryan77's picture

thanks

I definitely feel in control with NC...I'm not worried about breaking it, but part of me feels like I still need the validation when he tries to start crap or says crap. I'm sure he is telling the OW the same stuff I heard about his ex wife and all his other ex girlfriends...that they were all crazy. I am thankful everyday I don't have kids with him...ironic i found out right when we started dating that it will be difficult for me to get pregnant...first red flag should have been when he said "is it bad I wished you'd get pregnant so you can never leave me"....I think bad on everything he ever said and I feel so validated now for everything that i questioned. He is a pathological liar... That bumper sticker is great!!! :)