Once you understand devaluation?

I am pondering something today. I doing the whole "if I knew then what I know now stuff"!!!

8 months on and I now realise that I was devalued daily....the constant criticisms, the every so subtle put downs, the stabs at humour at my expense. Being made to wear my hair a certain way, clothes...rule and regulations that were instigated by him which I went along with, mugs going back in the cupboard facing the right way, loo rolls on a certain way, stripes on the lawn, dinners at a certain time on a certain day. OH GOD IT MAKES ME WANNA PUKE!! I mean how did I put up with it? Why? Because I was totally blind to what he was. I thought this was OK, it was normal and that it WAS me. I caused him to be this way, if I complied then it would be better. Shit, the more control and power I allowed him to have, the worse it got until finally he just spat me out like poison. They are vampires, they do literally just suck the bloody life out of you.

Now, with the gift of knowledge and hindsight I know that I will never ever put up with this again. EVER and not from ANYONE, they don't like it, then tough doodies, do one and leave me be!! To the extent that I have, for the first time in 42 years started to stand up for myself with my N mother...her most recent Narc Injury performance was totally out there. I am now receiving ST which I have to say, is quite nice! (Still doubted myself for a nano-second but soon pulled myself back). I now find myself in a situation where I am seeing her devalue me, I can SEE it, and I am trying to deal with it as best I can with my new found love for myself.

So my question is, as I know there are many of us still in these relationships, once you understand the cycles, the devaluing, the spinning etc...once you understand that, how the hell do you deal with it when you are still there? I know what I would do now, never put myself in that place in the first instance with an N partner....but had I known what Trotters was, what this all was, how would I have dealt with it at the time.

Any thoughts people as this is intriguing me? It may help some of us still in the nightmare too? And will help me deal with the visits from my N mother....this is a hard one.

Thanks and hugs xxx