Ok I need to know....

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#1 Mar 22 - 9PM
gettinbetter
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Ok I need to know....

Am I offending people with my codependency talk?? If so then I need to know so I can shut up already.

Mar 23 - 7PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Holy Shit

The messages I have been getting are awesome. I thank you all so very much. I really feel like Ive been quite pathetic at recovery but I think Ive finally got it for myself now. Ladies heres the thing if Im being honest with myself. I cant come here and not mention the word codependence when I know it has been the key part to me figuring out wth is going on with me. BUT If come here and mention it, I simply not gonna be told thats it not true or constantly have me heels nipped at by someone telling me its not valid. I mean ya know? that just me being honest about it. But with that said I thank you all so so so much for your messages. If I have helped you I am happy and so appreciate you all letting me know. I just have to be honest thats where I am at. I not gonna put myself in a position where I have to defend my reality or put in a position where I become confrontational just not gonna do it. Btw Let me strike the heel nipping comment. Its just a figure of speech for me but Im sure someone will take that and run with it as insulting. So consider that statement retracted
Mar 23 - 7PM (Reply to #11)
Veronrose
Veronrose's picture

In my opinion...

Everyone needs to live and let live. If codependency doesn't resonate with someone, then they need to ignore it. If it does resonate then we can be useful to each other to explore it further. Codependency, addiction, empath, WHATEVER... EVERYONE on here has something to add, no matter how they label themselves...if at all. We all have something in common....NARC-friggin-ville, and for various reasons we all found ourselves there and here.
Mar 23 - 6PM
Veronrose
Veronrose's picture

SOI

PLEASE DON'T GO!!! You are an encouragement to us...at least to me. Everyone has something to add, you have a wealth of info to add. Anyone can take it, or leave it. If you must leave, please know that you have made a difference. To a bunch of us....but assuredly to one....me. Thanks SOI, and for what it's worth, I'm sick of it too. xoxo Veronrose
Mar 23 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

SOI

Nope, you call it as you see it! It makes perfect sense! Idealk
Mar 23 - 6AM
jen79
jen79's picture

sick of it

You have found somthing for you, that you can work with now to heal. No one has to take the same way, you didnt force anyone into that. It is just worth to have a look at the condition, just in case. Codependency as I mentioned in the other post, I think its part of human condition, and it takes alot of emotional maturity to not react in this way when you are faced with a PD. Infact I believe every person could fall in that way of behaviour. You dont do it, when you are very grounded in you, and you know who you are, what your boundaries are and what standards and values you have for your relationships. You either learned that in childhood or you will learn it the hard way later in your adult life through pain. Its like the low self esteem discussion we had here. But everyone has to find its own way to deal with it. When someone feels offended, it might be cause in the aftermath of the abuse we dont want to be labeled with a condition that says we contributed our part to the situation. This has also to do with where you are at in your recovery, and which way you want to go. I dont feel you offended anyone here. But of course these terms provoce alot of anxiety and anger. But if we start to walk on eggshells here, it will not help anyone. I am happy you talked about it, cause through that I could see there is another way of living, and that my core wound is causing this damn pain, NOT the narc itself. I am happy I know about that now. Cause it brings back the focus to me.
Mar 23 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yes jen I think you have it.

Yes jen I think you have it. I bet you are gonna improve by leaps and bounds. I never knew I had a core wound but I do. It is absolutely about core woundedness and a dysfunctional relationship with the self in my opinion. Like I said call it what you want but its emotional disconnect or dishonesty with yourself. Thanks for your thoughts sweets. He wasn't the magic man and I'm free of that
Mar 23 - 12AM
It'sAllAboutMeNow (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I'm not...

I'm not offended. I see the connection. It's not to say that we deserve what happened to us in the least!!! It's just a better understanding of why we may have dealt with it. It's great to understand the N and why they behave the whay that they have but at some point it's time to start understanding ourselved and why we do the things we do. No one deserves to go though what we went through or maybe are still going through. This is more at looking at it from a different angle so that we can rewire the way we think so we can be better aware for the future. I personally realize I ignored may red flags from the start. That doesn't change what he did to me or the fact that he vicitmized me. Some people may not agree with this idea but that doesn't mean that we should not express how we feel. We are all healing no matter what stage we are, in the process! Being codependent does not mean that a person deserves what they haev been though, I just think it made me more vulnerable to his manipulation.
Mar 23 - 4AM (Reply to #5)
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Very well said

Very well said

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Mar 23 - 4AM (Reply to #2)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Thank You. I just want to

Exactly. Thank You. I just want to make sure that no one thinks Im trying to say if you were with a Narc then you are co-dependent.
Mar 23 - 4AM (Reply to #3)
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Nope not offended at all..i

Nope not offended at all..i support you...and wish you a fast recovery like all the ladies ..hopefully acknowledging you have co dependecy issues can speed your recovery faster..i know im a lot better today due to my understandings

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Mar 23 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

I am a daughter of an alcoholic mother! I am totally CD

This has been with me since I was a little girl until now, helping my mother deal with life. I am a total co-dependent and it definitely contributed to my toxic relationship. I bascially enabled the bastard. And that is the truth. I could have walked away and SHOULD HAVE. But didn't because I wanted to help him and fix him. I was basically telling him "Ok, I will stay with you and let you continue to treat me horribly and still give you my attention". Though he was a creep, cunning, liar and sneaky, I was part of this relationship too and have to see my part, my responsibility in it. Why did I stay? He was HORRID to me!!!!! To ignore that would be doing a diservice to myself and I would be in denial. In my opinion, it doesn't matter who is the bad guy in the relationship, I was 50% responsible too. I could have LEFT! My mother died 5 years ago, but I am still trying to fix and help people. I am like this with my friends and family, too. THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE ONLY. So yes, THE CODEPENDCY APPLIES TO ME!