Oh help me....

34 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 14 - 9AM

kgirl

Oh help me....

Don't let me answer her!

My N just emailed me after 6 days NC :(
She's reminding me that today is Thursday..... and we used to go to Granite City for Chicken Tortilla soup..... we loved it and it was our little tradition.
Now I'm crying.... and I thought I was strong and getting better. DAMN HER!!!
It hurts SO much!!! Can't she just leave me alone???
And why does it feel so awful to not answer :(....
and just like that I'm a mess again....

#2 Apr 15 - 1PM

momoya

You got it

You have gone NC and hold on. It's NOT OK the way she treated you. Don't you love how they pop back in like "hey! what's up?" Excccuuussse me? No way! Good for you, after all you have hurt so much, you can't go back. Give her a taste of her own medicine:)

momoya

#3 Apr 15 - 2PM (Reply to #33)

kgirl

Momoya....thanks for the

Momoya....thanks for the support! EXACTLY....like they forgot all the hell they just put you through...but "hey,let's do lunch." There is NO SHAME. If I didn half of what she's done, I couldn't show my face ever again! I'm still NC and going strong...no urges to go back that direction :) ~KG

#4 Apr 14 - 1PM

kgirl

a HUGE thank you to all of

a HUGE thank you to all of you... I am touched the way the amazing ladies on this board rally around those in need. I think I can stay NC today...and I don't think I would have been strong enough to do that when I first joined. I'm learning so much from all of you...and I really can't thank you enough. I'm going to hang out with Adele today...she speaks to me :)(love her new album 21) ~a big warm hug to all you amazing beautiful ladies

#5 Apr 15 - 2PM (Reply to #31)

Deidre40

KG

So glad to hear this KG! I think that I too struggled with the concept of NC. You said something in your thread here about not wanting to have to play games. I know, NC sometimes feels like you're giving silent treatment or something. But really, it's about protecting ourselves from harm's way any further. All in how we view it. GOOD JOB! And have fun enjoying your music. :=) Happy Friday, bella!

#6 Apr 14 - 12PM

Scoop

My heart gose out to you ...

My heart gose out to you ... the alwful secret with narc is they get off on youre pain , the slow dawning of this tends to push us into anger and anger is a very healing stage of recovory . It dose come to all of us but before the anger is the terrible feeling of loss . Its real early days for you and what you have to do is read all you can over and over again . Know that NC is the only way to heal and if there was another way i didnt find it and i tryed EVERTYHING i could . Big love Scoop xx

#7 Apr 14 - 11AM

Deidre40

I hate this evil woman. She

I hate this evil woman. She is so effing sick!!!! You really need to block her email. Then, what you don't see won't hurt you. Truly. Why does it hurt to not reply? I thought about this yesterday. I think because it makes us feel like they won...with their final words. But, when you realize that what she has to say has no bearing in your life? You will feel differently about NC. When you start looking at NC as freedom from pain? You will think differently. You are hurting, most likely...not because you miss this miserable wench ...but because it's so very mind boggling as to how someone can be so depraved, to want to hurt you like this? Like my ex calling me a liar. Him keeping up the pics on his profile. To mess with me. It taps into something beyond him for me. Liekwise, I'm thinking that is the case for you, too. Okay. You could write back. (michele is going to bop me on the head lol) ''I'm seeing someone now and really happy...yeah, those memories were fun. Have a good one...take care.'' To me? That would shut her the eff down! You dismissing her. She would no doubt reply. But, then? GO NC. C'mon, michele...that would just be perfect. I know...I know...but, still. To me? This would show her...you ain't sitting around pining over her. You have moved on. Anyways...or you can go NC, and just let this be a fantasy. :D haha I am so sorry KG. You're such a sweetie. You don't deserve this psycho in your life. {{hugs}}

#8 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #21)

michele115 (not verified)

Diedre and KG

Diedre, I don't resort to physical violence so I will not bop you on the head...but 40 lashes with a wet noodle - that's up for debate... NOW to clarify - yes maybe with a normal person announcing a new lover might get their goat... BUT we must REMEMBER we are dealing with sadistic power control freaks who are hooked on control and HAVING THE LAST WORD!! YOUR LAST WORD HAS TO BE SILENCE Your power lies in disengaging and letting them have the last word then letting them fall into the abyss - that is YOUR last word...SILENCE. The other method while momentarily satisfying will only land you making sure they parade their new hot babe and going out of their way to make sure you're aware...even more hurtful is when their newest hot babe makes Gunga Din look like Miss or Mr. universe. SO...re-direct...they know our weaknesses, this was the first thing they scoped out and they will go for them with no mercy. This process IS NOT for the faint of heart. Hugs

#9 Apr 14 - 12PM (Reply to #26)

Scoop

Yes to have the last word is

Yes to have the last word is really by saying nothing .. A narc needs attention and the only way of "hurting" a narc is by not giving them attention . The main reason you go nc is because you need to protect youre self from pain but the fact that they hate it is a happy coincidence :) they is nothing sadder than someone doing a tap dance infrount of people who arnt watching ... After a while NC really is youre friend and you can feel the tip of balance of power evening out , the narc took youre power for themselves and this is the ONLY way to get it back . While you are in mid grief its very had to see this fact and there is an element of blind faith you have to have that this will heal you . Try and take it from us old timers here that it WILL work . Big love and keep strong .. xx

#10 Apr 15 - 3PM (Reply to #28)

momoya

Exactly

so expect a phone call like "What wrong with YOU? you never called me back!" It's always our problem. With how she treated you she should be apologizing! but enough we have already been there, and got the T shirt!! have a good weeked KG!!

momoya

#11 Apr 14 - 12PM (Reply to #27)

kgirl

Scoop...thank you so

Scoop...thank you so much. Everyone has been so encouraging and helpful...it's getting me through this rough spot. I know what I need to do....it just makes me feel cruel. I'm so grateful to this board...I never would have been able to stand up to this before!

#12 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #22)

michele115 (not verified)

Better Yet let me share with you...a personal story...

Some months had passed. I was one way NC in that I was sending vile messages, but he was blocked on all fronts. I have a very close friend I call my niece. Months had passed, I didn't spy on him or approach him...as per my story, that was the last time I saw him up until the point where this story takes place. For me it was NC just instead of writing down my anger and throwing it in the can I was sending it to him...I DO NOT ADVISE THIS...LEARN FROM THIS FOOL PLEASE... Well, he decides that he is going to call MY friend whom he is not close to to wish her a "happy holiday" of course they had well enough passed. He spends a half hour grilling her about my new car - what I did with my old car, all things Michele - of course, this was to "catch up with her"...LOL Well I had advised her not to give any info so of course throughout she responded: "I dunno" His last words: "There's someone new in my life blah, blah, blah" When she told me, I did not belive him, I thought it was a ploy... Of course that got me going on the spy spiral again... AND what did I find? Yes, she made Gunga Din look like Miss Universe. Of course his desired effect backfired because that was my pivotal moment when instead of hurt, he became a great source of comic relief - and actually helped me on the path to "putting my ass up on my shoulders" - which is a saying that essentially means I gave myself license and permission to be just as "grandiose" and "stuck up" as he was. Hugs!

#13 Apr 14 - 12PM (Reply to #25)

kgirl

Mivhele...thanks for sharing

Mivhele...thanks for sharing that....I'm glad that ended in your favor :) My answer will be SILENCE, even though I feel like lashing out at her. I just can't do it anymore...I have to move on. There's nothing at all to be gained by any interaction with her, no matter what I come away feeling awful every time. I don't like how this makes me feel like the cruel one though. She'll be saying that next....that I'm the cruel one when she's just trying to reach out and be a friend to me. Ugh...hope I figure out how to get her blocked before then! ~KG

#14 Apr 14 - 12PM (Reply to #24)

Deidre40

That's very interesting. He

That's very interesting, michele. He tried to get the last word through a third party. I really like how you describe the usage of NC. And why it's important. KG--I also wanted to share...from my texting my exN yesterday. He eventually wrote. That he thinks I'm a liar. Then, he wrote another txt today...in so many words, calling me a liar. and to leave him alone. Ugh. Leave him alone. As though I'm some stalker chick. Eeek. So, I'm definitely done. I want this all behind me. I think that is what NC ULTIMATELY is for...putting the past behind us as best as we can. I think when we engage...then the other person replies...then, we reply..it never ends. And often times...mentally/emotionally...we are not done. You have to tell yourself...I'm done. I want this behind me. I want everlasting peace. And to achieve that...you have to go NC. So the ends will justify the means, eventually. It's hard though. You could pretend you're a nun...taking a vow of silence. :P hee hee {{{hugs}}}

#15 Apr 14 - 12PM (Reply to #23)

Used

michelle

i love that ,great story i believe when you can see them for the clowns they are this also helps in our recovery, i realy do think of exns as silly bloody dopes.

#16 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #18)

kgirl

Deidre.... thanks :) Your

Deidre.... thanks :) Your sense of humor makes me smile. I actually would live to give narcette a price of my mind right now..... but I won't. There's nothing at all to gain but more misery and I know it. I really hate her right now....and I feel gross. She's making me feel cruel, like she is. I don't do hate and silent treatments and mindgames, but I'm being forced to! It feels so icky! Thanks for your support and for makinge smile.... yes Michele will bop you on the head ;) Hugs for you D.... hope things are going well for you. ~KG

#17 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #19)

Deidre40

aw--I'm glad I could get you

aw--I'm glad I could get you to smile. One thing to note. NC really isn't like 'silent treatment.' Silent treatment is punishment, doled out by a narc. NC is therapy for us. It's protection from pain. So, please make that distinction in your mind...because I thoughtt he same way, too at one point. But, NC is not about punishing her. It's about letting the pain go. It's about not engaging with an abuser. Look at it more like that. Because at the end of the day...no matter what you say? She will take it as a victory. (except my line...of meeting someone...I still think that's genius, but, michele won't agree...sigh lol) :P Seriously, though. NC is the right answer. {{{hugs}}} from afar! Block her, too. So you don't get these chicken soup bullshit emails.

#18 Apr 14 - 12PM (Reply to #20)

kgirl

You're so right D! I have to

You're so right D! I have to think of NC as something I'm doing for myself and my recovery, not as something I'm doing TO her. That helps...thank you!

#19 Apr 14 - 10AM

helldweller

kgirl

I hate that bitch so much. Jesus, she's supposed to be a woman, for Christ's sake, with love and gentleness and none of this crap. I think women narcs are the worst of all. They have to try the hardest to suck. Please block her number. No contact is the only way--from both sides. ((hugs))

#20 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #16)

kgirl

helldweller..... thank you

helldweller..... thank you for the support. Believe me!..... I never expected any of this from another woman. I'm starting to feel totally pissed off.... so that's helping me stay NC. I have to figure out how to block her! ~KG

#21 Apr 14 - 10AM

michele115 (not verified)

KG

I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of an email. Can you block her?

#22 Apr 14 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

kgirl

I don't know ..... I didn't

I don't know ..... I didn't expect her to Hoover..... I thought she'd stay gone :( I have to look into it I guess...

#23 Apr 14 - 10AM (Reply to #10)

michele115 (not verified)

KG

Expect a hoover, it's what they do. Block her emails and if you can, block her number from her phone. Project Ft. Knox must be implemented and in full force and effect... Hugs!

#24 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #11)

kgirl

I know.... I should have done

I know.... I should have done it already! WTF??? Now I'm just getting pissed! She doesn't get to mess with me like this!!! ~KG

#25 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #12)

michele115 (not verified)

KG

Where else would you find someone hearing you're getting "pissed" saying "If this were FB I'd click 'like'"...LOL Getting pissed is moving to another stage...that's good news for you. AND when you're ready to rant, we're here. Hugs!

#26 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #13)

kgirl

Ironic huh? :) Well at least

Ironic huh? :) Well at least that is some progress cuz this feels like a setback. But I'm trying to stay NC.... I don't want to ruin this for myself. What a crazy twisted pissy f-ed up bitch!!!

#27 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #14)

Used

kauaigirl

i am so glad you are angry, the pain and sadness is first then comes anger, good you go girl.

#28 Apr 14 - 9AM

kgirl

Here's her email..... "It's

Here's her email..... "It's chicken tortilla soup day today..... unless they changed it? I don't know.... the last time I was there was with you......would be a perfect day to have soup today :)" Ugh!!!!!

#29 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

Deidre40

a potential reply: ''Yeah...I

a potential reply: ''Yeah...I loved that soup. I do that tradition now with someone else. Thanks for thinkin of me. Have a good one.'' Gosh...that just looks so perfect. michele? no? :P

#30 Apr 14 - 11AM (Reply to #7)

Used

kauaigirl

please dont reply, your silence says it all.

#31 Apr 14 - 9AM (Reply to #5)

Used

kauaigirl

OR EAT HUMBLE PIE, SILLY COW LOL

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