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offer

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#1 Oct 22 - 12PM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

offer

Here is the offer from STBX:
1. Joint custody with me having ultimate decision making power. We have to have some third party while we negotiate. If we don't reach a decision, I have ultimate decision making rights.

2. Visitation in my state. They are all supervised with either myself or a third party that I choose. No hotel sleepovers. This is to remain until children's therapist or other professionals advise that children are ready for unsupervised and ready to visit father.

3. STBX needs to participate with children's therapist. Needs to talk with her and visit her so that therapist can do her job the most effectively. THerapist is very in tune with personality disorders.

4. Financials will be worked out at another date.

What do you all think? I have power to make decisions that are best for kids, I can protect kids during visitations, and a third party professional decides the pace of visitations, not STBX...

Looking forward to your thoughts.

Oct 22 - 1PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

#1: NO way...sole custody only. Do you want some possibly uneducated 3rd party stranger to take pity on your stbx and make a bad decision for the kids? The headache of back and forth banter, even though you have the 'final' say is a HUGE headache indeed. #2: Good - keep it in your state only. But supervision should include you and as many people as you feel necessary for you & your childrens safety (including place of YOUR choice). "NO" to other people deciding when it's okay for your stbx to visit kids alone. That is YOUR decision, if any. You're assuming he will change...not possible. #3: WHY? He'll only BS, find a sympathetic ear, won't contribute to the children's true-well being. He's not a 'real' parent...only a sperm donor. I feel the same about this as I do 'couples counseling'. Kids go to therapy with YOU if anyone. My 2 cents for what it's worth!
Oct 22 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

ok

#1. Well, how about if the third party is of my choice like the kid's therapist, who has been a huge advocate for the kids? What if I can decide third party? What if there are very strict guidelines to this joint custody with my ultimate say. Like, we can have one dialogue with a third party. For example, if it is a school issue, the teacher would be the third party. If we don't reach an agreement then, I have ruling power. It is not sole custody, but it will have lots of limits and boundaries. #2. Visitation in my state. Kids going to his state would fall under ultimate decision making power given to me. We could meet with children's therapist as third party. When and if she feels it may be appropriate, I have the final say. Yes to my place of choice. Yes to whomever I want to be a part of the visitation. No girlfriend until I say it is ok. #3. Trust me, he won't go to kid's therapy for too long. He is going to have a job, another family, other sources of supply.
Oct 22 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ditto

ditto what quietude said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.