Offended by Kindness and Concern

Was anyone's narc offended when you showed a genuine concern or kindness toward them? I would constantly worry about my narc when he was out late. Sure he was probably screwing around but my biggest concern was him drinking and driving. He'd get really upset when I expressed my thoughts and have rage attacks. He'd always say I'm not going to stop smoking and drinking so leave me the fuck alone. Isn't this odd? I never nagged, I was truly worried and I told him I cared for hs well being.

Another punch in the gut!

Layla's picture

PD's lack empathy. "Feelings" like "kindness" and "Concern" mean NOTHING to them. If it SEEMS like it means something, it is only because they are FAKING it. Period. End of story. Waste NO energy trying to "figure" them out. You NEVER will. The only thing you can do is educate yourself on the disorder and what PD's DO because anything they say must be assumed to be a LIE. The "nicer" you are to these PD's, the worse they treat you. They see you as WEAK, STUPID and GULLIBLE. Stay away from them and move on and heal. YOUR ONLY OPTION. Believe it. love~ Layla
Snowflake's picture

In my opinion thats why NC works...you are 'out of reach' therefore interesting to them. Sadly they missed the last bus home...
Armed's picture

Thank you! Great answer! Needed that reality check! It's still hard to believe creeps like this exist.
Krooks's picture

Yes, I would ask how his day was and he would jump down my throat about how it was SOO stressful and how I was a monster for bringing it up. ...
midnight7's picture

Yes, the xN could never accept genuine concern - he took it as an insult as if someone had pointed out that he was incapable of looking after himself. Concern was perceived as criticism and Ns always go for the jugular when they believe they are being criticised. The xN also perceived concern as manipulation in some instances because the N believed any person showing concern must have an agenda - projection on the Ns part of course as the only time a N demonstrates concern is to get something out of you. As for kindness, well in some cases this might be construed by a N as good supply - if I showed kindness by looking after his needs completely this was acceptable as a God deserves the best and large ego boost after all! If it was kindness in the form of a gift the xN would have it ripped out of my hands like the greedy toddler he was in an instant.
janemarie's picture

When I would say something nice I got...."OK What do you want...why are you being nice?" Cause I am a nice person you ASS!!!! In their own mind the only time they are nice is when they want something from you so I guess this is why he questioned my intent...There was never an intent on my part...I was just being nice and genuine to someone I loved!!!! FREAK!!!
Jar of hearts's picture

But I know now it's because he was up to no good!! He even during one devaluing session said that his NW knew more about his past than I ever did- his father walked when he was 2 yr old ( he walked before ours was born - history treating itself?! ) I was really hurt at first but now I just think yeah course she does , she will just know more lies than I did! He can crocodile tears at the drop of a hat! Deserves an Oscar just like they all do !! Xx
nextphase's picture

Oh yes, that would happen often. He had me scared to ask after a while because of the rage and subsequent silent treatment if i did ask. I doubt it was because he was offended. Im sure it was because he WAS doing deceitful, nasty things and his reaction of being offended and raging was to divert attention from him being fucked up an treating me like shit, to twisting it so i would believe i was nagging him, thus making me a 'nagging and undesireable woman to be around.' Manipulation and control is the name of their game and you are only invited to play if you keep to the understanding that they must always come out the winner. His exact words to me once ''if gabe doesnt get what he wants then no one gets to be happy.'
Armed's picture

O wow! Puke!
Snowflake's picture

Mine was waiting to find out results from a suspected stroke. His wife was away for the weekend and he went working out..to tone up his pecs ready for his night out with the lads..he actually said that. I said he was stupid choosing vanity over his health, that if he collapsed again no-one was there, that I cared and I was worried. Why couldnt he wait and go to gym the week after when results were back. He silent treatmented me all weekend, I was so hurt esp as wife was away..I had hoped for a lot of texts etc. I felt so sick esp as I was also wondering what he was doing. He just fucked with my head. In a nutshell. Said he wanted someone to really care, I did, genuinely and he threw it back in my face with a barbed wire attached.